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I can’t stop ruminating.

Rumination is a natural tendency for me too, but we don't have to believe everything our brains tell us. Sometimes, we overthink life so much that we stop living it. Things like shame and feeling broken are keeping you in a cycle that isn't working anymore. No one can free you from this cycle but yourself.

I had never dated anyone before my partner and felt abnormal too. Guess what though? He said that was one of the most fascinating and cool parts of me. All that time I spent worrying that I was a monster for never having dated anyone? Turns out it was a waste of my precious lifespan.
 
Mary Terry said:
Dear @Markness:

What did you do yesterday to find a girlfriend?

What will you do today to find a girlfriend?
Click to expand...
I don’t know what to do. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I am not a church goer, and I am not a football fanatic. The only social avenues in the area I live in cater only to those interests so I am the odd person out.
 
tree said:
How is that the logical conclusion?
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When people ask direct questions that require uncomfortable answers, the only 'obvious' solution is to leave the venue wherein such questions are being asked.

It is much easier and more comfortable than providing honest answers, n'cest pas?
 
Markness said:
Maybe I really do need to leave this forum?
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You really need to break out of this dynamic. I understand it brings some sort of familiar comfort, but it does you no good. I can understand actually going for it, taking a chance, embracing advice (some of which you likely already tried) might make you nervous, but you're not going anywhere with this cycle of asking for help, paying no heed, then lamenting that others are frustrated. People here have given you zero indication that they want you to leave, and it does you no benefit to leave this kind of comment. There is a reason you avoid actually taking action to move yourself out of your current situation. I think that would be a good thing on which to ask your therapist's advice.
 
@Markness

You are in a negative feedback loop. A seriously deep one.

I'm in a similar boat, but for different reasons. Though what matters is that you try breaking that loop. If you don't, nothing will ever change.

I get it. It's easier to fall back into the darkness, than actually trying to help yourself. But that also leaves you in the same place you put yourself in.

"Misery loves company", but we tend to love it back when our self-esteem is nonexistent.
 
Markness said:
I don’t know what to do. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I am not a church goer, and I am not a football fanatic. The only social avenues in the area I live in cater only to those interests so I am the odd person out.
Click to expand...

There are plenty of women who don't drink, smoke, or attend church and can't stand football. You just need to get out of the house and go find them!
 
Markness said:
Maybe I really do need to leave this forum?
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@Markness, this seems like an indirect way to get people to show you some support and attention.

What were you feeling just before you posted this question this time? Maybe there is a pattern we can figure out between a feeling you have and asking this question.
 
Rodafina said:
@Markness, this seems like an indirect way to get people to show you some support and attention.
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I am glad a staff member posted this first. I strongly agree with your assessment. Attention-getting seems to be more important to him than problem-solving.

I have known people from other websites who went on thread-derailing rampages when no one said, "No, please stay" after they threatened to log off for good.
 
Rodafina said:
@Markness, this seems like an indirect way to get people to show you some support and attention.

What were you feeling just before you posted this question this time? Maybe there is a pattern we can figure out between a feeling you have and asking this question.
Click to expand...
My feelings at the time: I still haven’t proven my detractors wrong and my day in the sun still hasn’t happened.
 
I feel hurt and wonder why it seems acceptable for others to show contempt for me. I’ve been accused of having a persecution complex but I doubt that at times.

Even when I just state what I want in my life, I get fights on my hands.
 
You doubt it at times?

But other times, it seems like you can believe
that you are un-necessarily taking things that
people say in a negative way?
 
Markness said:
I feel hurt and wonder why it seems acceptable for others to show contempt for me. I’ve been accused of having a persecution complex but I doubt that at times.

Even when I just state what I want in my life, I get fights on my hands.
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Who is showing contempt for you? Was the person who said, "Persecution Complex" an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional . . . or were they just another member making an off-hand comment?
 
tree said:
You doubt it at times?

But other times, it seems like you can believe
that you are un-necessarily taking things that
people say in a negative way?
Click to expand...
When I get harsh responses, it makes me wonder why whoever is doing it despises me so much.
 
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