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I always wondered if I had a chance...

S

Steve A

Well-Known Member
Now, I never been in a relationship before, yet I've come close one or twice, but she wasn't interested in me and another time, I wasn't interested in her.

However, I sometimes wonder if I stand a chance against NT people, even though I see relationships of all kinds. I also struggle with confidence at times & how to actually "make it happen". Furthermore, I'm not into hookups or anything, yet I have friends who are both guys & girls.

Overall, I know that I can do it. But, it may take some time for me to understand how I can develop one on my own. Even though I'd benefit from some help along the way, this process shouldn't be rushed.
 
I do not think it is something you really develop on your own. It something that can develop when the interest is mutual. Confidence is good, but respect more important.
 
@Tom has summed it up. It's all about mutual respect. Your profile says you're 21 - I was 35 when I met my wife. It takes time, and for autistic people, maybe a little more time ;)
 
Sounds like you've got a good attitude.

I've always got along better with people when I had a small group and an activity. The small group gave me an easy way out if talking to one person got too intense and the activity gave me something to focus on to take the edge of the socializing off.
 
Keep going. You sound like you got it together. Remember that a relationship is both ways. Just be yourself, be open to new people as much as you can and keep looking for the opportunity to ask someone out

Look when I has my appendix burst and had emergency surgery I was in the hospital for 7 days. I had a real nice nurse but I did not ask her out( stupid). I got rushed back in 36 hours later for another 7 days ( infection) and had the same nurse so I did ask her out. She said no. Then I went home and she called me a few days later. Got married a year to the day of my surgery

Starting a relationship with girl si about the Latin phrase”carpe diem”. Seize the day. The worst that happens is they say no. And then they may say yes.

Happened to me when I was 29. I am now 57. She is still w me. Never understand why but that’s ok.
 
Steve A said:
Now, I never been in a relationship before, yet I've come close one or twice, but she wasn't interested in me and another time, I wasn't interested in her.

However, I sometimes wonder if I stand a chance against NT people, even though I see relationships of all kinds. I also struggle with confidence at times & how to actually "make it happen". Furthermore, I'm not into hookups or anything, yet I have friends who are both guys & girls.

Overall, I know that I can do it. But, it may take some time for me to understand how I can develop one on my own. Even though I'd benefit from some help along the way, this process shouldn't be rushed.
Click to expand...

'Making it happen' is also a problem for me. I just don't spend enough time around people to allow someone to like me as I am. I know I'm not a lost cause, but I'm just too isolated to actually get to know someone. That initial fear of rejection will still need to be overcome, but I haven't had an opportunity to challenge that fear in many years.
 
Isolation is the worst. You just can't do anything with it. No chance to gradually make progress. No chance to learn from mistakes...
 
Hey, you said that one of your potential dates was interested in you. So, you do have a least a little game after all!
Another thing to keep in mind is that if you think people are turning you down because they don't feel they level enough with you, you can consider trying to get smarter in something, exercise more, and/or become more independent ( can drive and/or take public transportation on own without burdening anyone and/or have enough money to do ride sharing), and things like that will help.
 
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