Hugs? Cuddles?

[ezcare]

If hugs are painful for you keep in mind that "suffering is the currency of love" So if you experience no pain in giving a hug or receiving one perhaps the transaction had no value to either party...

 

[RiverSong]

I have a strong aversion to hugging. I am very sensitive when it comes to my personal space. I do not like people to invade it. I do not like to be touched or hugged by family or people I've known for many years. And I really don't like to come in any physical contact with people I don't know.

When I come in any contact with another person it's like red flags and alarms going off in my head. And I have the immediate reaction to pull away.

I've always been this way and I can tell you, it certainly upset my parents. Especially my mother who didn't understand why I pulled away from any physical contact, like hugs or her brushing my hair.

I grew up avoiding hugs whenever possible. I still do that now. But when it can't be avoided without me offending the other person, I at least prefer if I'm given a hug warning first. One of those verbal "I'm going to give you a hug." Then it's more bearable because I can brace myself for what's coming.

Even then hugs are awkward for me. I've never been a good hugger and I've had people tell me occasionally that I squeezed them too hard or partially choked them during the hug, which I wasn't aware of. Although, I wonder if that was my subconscious at work because I didn't want to be touched in the first place.

I have often thought of telling people that I don't like or want to be hugged. But I've seen how that could cause far more problems than I want to deal with. When people are offended by something I've said or done, it's very hard to try to mend that wound.

So I often just bear the unpleasantness of a hug, or the hand on my shoulder that makes me want to reel away, or the internal cringe I get when someone hands me something and their fingers brush against mine.

The only person I tolerate touching or hugging me is my boyfriend. Although, I still have times when he quickly hugs me and I'll startle with a little jump because I wasn't prepared for it.

 

[Samantha mcbay]

I've read this is an Asperger's thing so I now know I'm not the only person who hates physical contact. From my perspective hugging and invading other people's physical space should be illegal. I do not understand why it seems to actually be a social requirement. Can't 2 people enjoy each others company without actually touching? I hate hugging, HAND-HOLDING (what is up with that), holding my arm, poking me, people trying to kiss my face, sitting right up against me or getting up in my face. Why do they constantly feel the need to have to touch you or other people for that matter? Especially people you hardly know, but it's probably worse when you do actually know them quite well because the more you get to know someone the more they want to hug you and touch you. I don't believe I am an unaffectionate person or an unloving insensitive person. I'm actually over-emotional and sensitive. I want friendships, connections and love like anyone else, just in a non-physical, invading my person space way. I love hugging my own children or babies. I don't even mind if other people's children hug me. I don't mind it from a romantic partner as long as it doesn't get to the point where it's overbearing, but the only person's hand I will ever hold is my children's. Or animals I love petting animals. I just can't stand touch from other people. I probably sound like a crazy person because most everyone I know likes to hug or to be hugged. Not really a question just a rant because hugging feels especially repugnant today. Mother's day when everyone wants to hug you.

 

[ksheehan88]

I've read this is an Asperger's thing so I now know I'm not the only person who hates physical contact. From my perspective hugging and invading other people's physical space should be illegal. I do not understand why it seems to actually be a social requirement. Can't 2 people enjoy each others company without actually touching? I hate hugging, HAND-HOLDING (what is up with that), holding my arm, poking me, people trying to kiss my face, sitting right up against me or getting up in my face. Why do they constantly feel the need to have to touch you or other people for that matter? Especially people you hardly know, but it's probably worse when you do actually know them quite well because the more you get to know someone the more they want to hug you and touch you. I don't believe I am an unaffectionate person or an unloving insensitive person. I'm actually over-emotional and sensitive. I want friendships, connections and love like anyone else, just in a non-physical, invading my person space way. I love hugging my own children or babies. I don't even mind if other people's children hug me. I don't mind it from a romantic partner as long as it doesn't get to the point where it's overbearing, but the only person's hand I will ever hold is my children's. Or animals I love petting animals. I just can't stand touch from other people. I probably sound like a crazy person because most everyone I know likes to hug or to be hugged. Not really a question just a rant because hugging feels especially repugnant today. Mother's day when everyone wants to hug you.

You don't sound like a crazy person at all, there are plenty of people out there who don't like to be touched and that is totally ok.

I like hugs from people I am close to when I am in the mood for it, and hand holding in private but I do not like PBAs or people getting in my face, that drives me insane and makes me feel extremely intimidated.

 

[toothless]

its not an aspergers thing as such its a lot bigger than that...actually..let me properly phrase that,hugging will either send fear or love through you if your some where on the spectrum,its not just hate,you can be aspie or profoundly autistic and love hugging to bits or you might be severely autistic or atypical autistic and think hugging is the vilest thing you have ever felt.

i am 'severely' classic autistic [or was up until my late twenties and still have a lot of throwbacks to it] and up until 19 or 20 i really detested hugging, they caused me such waves of profound pain throughout my whole body and mind that i would attack whoever had hugged me.

however,around 19/20,i was given a bear hug instead of the flimsy light hugs everyone had been giving me,at a graduation ceremony of a UK intellectual disability college course-the main teacher gave me a huge bear hug and the feeling that went through me made me fight for a few seconds but then i realised i enjoyed it so much i began hugging everybody.

my support staff bear hug me a lot,as does my mother when she is very pissed [US=drunk],so i love it.

 

[Samantha mcbay]

its not an aspergers thing as such its a lot bigger than that...actually..let me properly phrase that,hugging will either send fear or love through you if your some where on the spectrum,its not just hate,you can be aspie or profoundly autistic and love hugging to bits or you might be severely autistic or atypical autistic and think hugging is the vilest thing you have ever felt.

i am 'severely' classic autistic [or was up until my late twenties and still have a lot of throwbacks to it] and up until 19 or 20 i really detested hugging, they caused me such waves of profound pain throughout my whole body and mind that i would attack whoever had hugged me.

however,around 19/20,i was given a bear hug instead of the flimsy light hugs everyone had been giving me,at a graduation ceremony of a UK intellectual disability college course-the main teacher gave me a huge bear hug and the feeling that went through me made me fight for a few seconds but then i realised i enjoyed it so much i began hugging everybody.

my support staff bear hug me a lot,as does my mother when she is very pissed [US=drunk],so i love it.

Yeah, I have one friend (more like a mother figure) who does that, as in gives big bear hugs, and when she has it's usually been when I was upset or feeling extremely anxious. A she's the only person I've not hated it from, as in that isn't my child or a romantic partner. I had a hard time understanding why and then I realised it was because of the way she hugged and the timing I think. When she hugged me I was able to relax and calm down, and I even wanted to just stay and be hugged. But I'm not sure I'd be so susceptible to it from anyone else. I'm not willing to test the theory. Hugging or touch doesn't cause me pain I just usually feel very uncomfortable and makes me feel more anxious or fearful than I might have already felt and I just don't like the way it makes me feel. I hate it.

 

[savi83]

I enjoy a good hug. I need to be more aware of whether it's fitting to the situation. I don't go around hugging strangers but I have hugged my supervisor in a formal setting (although I've hugged them outside of work no problem).

 

[Lysander]

I was a hugger when I was very little, but it ended up getting me in trouble more than once. I avoid physically touching anyone, now that I'm an adult, to avoid misunderstandings. Putting a hand on the shoulder to show that you care sounds like a good idea though.

 

[Vindicator Phoenix]

When hugging some people, I feel uncomfortable. With others, I feel tingly and delighted (this tends to happen, if I have a "crush" on someone). Sometimes, I really feel like hugging someone who's upset. If someone badly needed a hug, I'd always be willing to give one.

I wouldn't mind getting a "bear hug," especially if its giver squeezed as tightly as possible, and only let go, once I tapped out. I'd enjoy that. It'd probably trigger a bondage paraphilia, within me.

I've never cuddled with a human, but I bet I'd like it, if I tried. I've certainly enjoyed cuddling with cats. Sometimes, I imagine mutual: warmth, love, safety, relaxation, and relaxed smiles. Such an experience would also allow me to: share my gentle affection, and build mutual trust with somebody. It's a vulnerable experience, to be wrapped in someone's arms. However, with the right calmness and trust within us, I might enjoy it: not only through receiving affection, but also, through giving it. Perhaps, I'd try some: nose nuzzling, back rubbing, or draping my chin over someone's shoulder. I'd keep it gentle - maybe some light squeezing, but nothing that would make my partner uncomfortable.

I might be large, but I'm a pacifist. I like it, when people trust me. I'm: loyal, kind, and want only good things for people. I'd want my cuddle buddy to know that. Through touch, I could communicate my gentleness.

What about you? How do you feel about hugs and cuddles? Do you like them (or would you try them)?

 

[Progster]

What about you? How do you feel about hugs and cuddles? Do you like them (or would you try them)?

I've never been a huggy-cuddly person. As a child, I was regarded as being aloof and unaffectionate. I generally keep my distance from people, but do hug close family members (I learned to do this) and partner. For everyone else, a 'hello' will suffice

 

[Gracey]

To date, No.

I have learned to accept for those closest to me and only really initiate in certain circumstances.
Tend to use meaningful words more than meaningful touch.

I've read of the warmth and safety others experience.
All that's going through my mind is 'Get off'
Relieved when it's over.

 

[tlc]

I like a hug from my kid, or hugs/cuddles/hand holding from a romantic partner. Other than that it's very awkward and I feel uncomfortable.