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Hugs? Cuddles?

Suzanne

Suzanne

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Because my husband is a huge hugger and I have learned to accept his hugs and up to a certain point, get a sense of warmth from it; not all the time though, he is the only one I can hug ( which, of course is great) :p

Anyway, what I find difficultly with regarding hugs, is the absolute embarrassment factor, of being encased in someone's arms in front of everyone else and I am ashamed to say that I think: oh my goodness me, what the heck do I look like, crunched up like this and cannot wait to untangle myself.

I do not hug people; I tend to just put one hand lightly on their shoulder, to denote that I care with what they are going through; I can be empathetic sometimes, but that is mostly with the sense of knowing the person is sincere in their distress.

Ironically enough, I have got used to the French way of greeting ones. It happens so fast, that it is ok, but hugs tend to last longer and I really HATE it when the person swoops down upon me!

When I am hurt over a situation of injustice, my husband is not permitted to hug me, because I am too damn angry to be pacified lol
 
I dislike being touched without permission, but I like hugging my friends. There's just a sense of belonging and acceptance attached to it, for me.
I'm a very warm person but I sometimes have trouble verbally expressing my appreciation of my friends, so I just hug them. If they don't see me coming I'll pounce and ninja-hug.
And if my dad hugs me I'm instantly reduced to a small child, even though I'm 30 now.
 
Southern Discomfort said:
I like a good hug. I don't initiate them really but I do appreciate them.
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I like a good hug too, but only from my husband. Unfortunately, his family are all huggers, and I can't avoid it as it's something they all do when greeting someone and saying goodbye, and I don't want to look mean and out of place. Thankfully though they're usually quick.

Bolletje said:
I dislike being touched without permission
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Yeah I hate that. I usually jump a little bit even if I was somewhat expecting it.
 
My family was never very physically affectionate, so combine that with my ASD and I dislike hugs. My sister is the only one I hug (mostly because she demands it) and even then I'm uncomfortable. I too tend to just put my hand on the arm or shoulder of the person to show I care about what they're going through.

However, hugging my pets is another matter! I could hug and cuddle them all day! My dog loves this and my cat tolerates hugging for a minute then needs to be put back down. Maybe he's an Aspie too!:D
 
I love hugging if *I* initiate it. Otherwise, please stay out of my purple circle LOL

I've partially learned to deal because I work with multiply handicapped kids. Most have pretty low IQs, communication issues, and impulse control problems. Some of them hug pretty much out of nowhere, as a way of expressing affection. So I've taught myself to accept them in the spirit they're given. But if a co-worker comes at me open arms? I cringe and stiffen up.
 
My wife is not a huggar, in spite of the fact that I've repeatedly emphasized my need for physical affection. I never even got hugs from my own mother! The Lord must have taken note, because He saw to it that my beautiful and loving daughter IS, and there is no greater feeling in the world for me.
 
Does anyone else find it kind of 'painful'? I'm probably not expressing this well, but if someone hugs me that I don't know well enough, or without permission. It almost hurts in my chest. Again, probably not expressing this very well but if anyone could shed some light on this it'd be greatly appreciated.
 
For me personally I need to trust and feel safe with ppl to be able to hug them. Ppl i have had a consistent and stable relationship with i enjoy hugs. I like to hug my dad, some of my family, a few of my friends and my boyfriend. However I cant hug ppl such as my mother. Bc of the relationship we've had. I actually find it easier to hug strangers simply bc i trust them more and in a way i have a better relationship with them bc i have no reason to Doubt them.
I also find as i get bit older im more likely to hug ppl - a big reason is i have more stable long term friendships now.- But i also think I've grown to see the value in hugs.
 
i am in favor of hugging, and being hugged. obviously. it feels nice. however, it does not appear to work with family, so friends are the only ones allowed to hug me.

i tend to hug a lot. more so if i am feeling off. or if they are feeling off.
 
EmmaJC said:
Does anyone else find it kind of 'painful'? I'm probably not expressing this well, but if someone hugs me that I don't know well enough, or without permission. It almost hurts in my chest. Again, probably not expressing this very well but if anyone could shed some light on this it'd be greatly appreciated.
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If I'm understanding you, it almost sounds like a stress related tightness that hurts your chest. I get a tightness/pain in my chest when I'm put under a situation that gives me anxiety. Hugging someone I'm not comfortable with would most defiantly fall under that category.:eek:o_O Hope this helps at least make the situation more understandable.
 
EmmaJC said:
Does anyone else find it kind of 'painful'? I'm probably not expressing this well, but if someone hugs me that I don't know well enough, or without permission. It almost hurts in my chest. Again, probably not expressing this very well but if anyone could shed some light on this it'd be greatly appreciated.
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I do as well. I can accept hugs from my mother and best-friend okay, but from anyone else it kinda hurts. I feel it in my back and shoulders, and the longer it goes on the worse it feels. I get the same way from being touched in general so maybe that's why.

Rarely do I want a hug, though when I do they are nice.
 
It's not the hugs themselves that are the problem for me. What I really dislike is the awkwardness of not being able to tell when a hug is or is not acceptable. I have often wanted to participate in the hello and goodbye hugging rituals among friends and among relatives, but I cannot tell whether a hug from me is welcome or not. I have felt the pain of being rejected (usually with hurtful insinuations involving "creepiness"), so the fear of it makes me really anxious.

Anyway, the risk of rejection usually outweighs the possible benefit in my mind, so I rarely offer hugs. But I don't mind receiving them.
 
Hugs are almost painful for me in real life. The sense of a person being that close is hard on me. I can cope when someone else initiates the hug, but I don't freely give them. I am almost a hands off policy. I don't mind touch if it is the right kind. A high five or handshake or tap on the shoulder or someone lightly touching me is better. It's not as creepy. Hugs tend to get into too much depth. I don't like that sensation very well.
 
Myway said:
Hugs are almost painful for me in real life. The sense of a person being that close is hard on me. I can cope when someone else initiates the hug, but I don't freely give them. I am almost a hands off policy. I don't mind touch if it is the right kind. A high five or handshake or tap on the shoulder or someone lightly touching me is better. It's not as creepy. Hugs tend to get into too much depth. I don't like that sensation very well.
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I feel the same way that you do Myway but there aren,t almost painful for me hugging is just not natural to me and maybe sometimes is a little awkward.
 
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