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Featured How to not take this personally?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by KagamineLen, Mar 1, 2021.

  1. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    I had several friends that I used to hang with on a regular basis before COVID came around. Most of them eventually stopped responding to text messages over the last year, as well as disappearing from the 12 step groups I met them at now that face to face meetings are not happening currently.

    I know I should not be taking any of this personally, but I miss having all these people to talk to and often help out throughout the week. I am feeling like I am more than just a bit unneeded currently.
     
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  2. AprilR

    AprilR Well-Known Member

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    It's because they are different. Most people think nothing about cutting a person from their life as their life is already full of other people.

    I try to think of us as from another planet even though i used to hate this comparison it's probably true. Just thinking of other people as aliens who behave as they like..
     
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  3. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    They may need help. That could be why they dropped out. Could you craft an email that you send separately to each person saying you miss them and asking tactfully if they are doing ok, that it can be tough without the support group, but hey you are still there for them, or such? It's difficult to ask directly for help if you dropped out of the group, sometimes.
     
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  4. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    More or less took the words out of my mouth. You (OP) should definitely let them know you miss them and that you hope you can hang out with them again.
     
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  5. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

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    My experience with people as well. You meet for a time. Then they leave. Such is life. Don't take it to heart.
     
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  6. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    In the mean time, try to find other people to connect with.

    https://www.letsbeauthentic.com/

    This might be worth a shot. They have free weekly sessions (doesn't have to be weekly for you and unless that has changed) and there are also paid opportunities where people might care of quality meetings moreso.
     
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  7. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Think we make connections, get attached then hate changes such as no longer contacting. Maybe it's us and our type.
     
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  8. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

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    It was all confusing. Then I became that person. After COVID, I won't be a social person at all and won't even try.

    I think it's because I see how it is now. I would never trust society again, or people "to be there". It's clear that when the going gets really tough even the churches slam all the door, stop all interactions, and those who are fragile suffer, commit suicide, and die.

    No. Why do I want to fool myself again.
     
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  9. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    Yeah, you probably are correct about that. 12 steppers are not known for being the healthiest people in the world.
     
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  10. SimonSays

    SimonSays A work in progress

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    It is a sad state of affairs when those who say they represent God aren't there for those in need.

    I did see recently, while walking through a Jewish neighbourhood, that people were meeting inside their own homes. Bypassing the fascist rules about not gathering in God's name. But then the Jews are good at carrying on when they are told not to.

    I've struggled trying to register at a new GP practice, as they act like I've turned up with leprosy. They're unhelpful, resistant, reluctant. Then they 'lost' my registration papers. What do they do all day now they're no longer expected to care about us, especially in these times when we need it more than ever?
     
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  11. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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  12. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 Catholic Nerd V.I.P Member

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    I’ve had that happen with a few email pen pals of mine; (one of them was sort of my fault in that it was I that stopped responding to him too often, due to having difficulty finding the time to respond and figuring what to say, and not say it awkwardly and the like) for me, what helps is assuming it’s not because they don’t like me or anything, but rather that they simply are busy dealing with other things and the like, especially with this whole Covid-thing going on.
     
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  13. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

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    You know that happen during the black plague in Europe. Priests got scared so many were dying. So they avoided them.
     
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  14. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit Hope is faith rewarded in advance

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    I was taught about this issue by a Woman of Worth. A man is likened unto a stringed instrument, such as a guitar. You have made the commitment to grow and advance and to Help Heal. You are now yourself ringing at a higher pitch, if you were a guitar. The fancy talk way to say is; you are vibrating at a higher resonant frequency.
    Those ppl still trapped in addiction and despair are no longer attracted to you, as you now have less in common. This is an invitation to meet new people. If i tell you "its not ok to drink around me, or swear, or be negative" now if you are a normal man you can do that easily. This new stage in your development is likely about your commitment to growth in becoming a better man, that causes these people of your past to drift away.

    I often speak highly of becoming involved in a church of some kind, as those people you meet there, should have fewer problems, more money, better health, and have goals in life. My tastes in that (which church/religion)are not relevant, as it is the culture of the body of ppl that matters the most.

    What we all need the most is a group of positive, supporting, good natured, honest, reliable friends.*talented, hopeful, capable, etc. I keep thinking of more positive character traits
     
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  15. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit Hope is faith rewarded in advance

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    Ps. Woman of Worth is an honorific, like a title,from a specific culture.
     
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  16. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    True, but the whole concept of 12 stepping involves being there for those still struggling with addictions. I cannot bring myself just to ditch them because I am in a better spot - if those who were further along in recovery ditched me when I first showed up, the whole program would not have worked at all in my case.
     
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  17. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

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    The drs in the Athenian plague went right on doing their work. In 1918 there were many who delivered food to plague victims. Society was not always as closed off and individualistic as it is now. It couldn't be. People were forced to work together or die. For better or for worse. I am not saying I want to live in Rome or anything. But Athens? Yes, please. Better yet Sparta.
     
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  18. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 Catholic Nerd V.I.P Member

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    It’s true, only the few like Saint Charles Borromeo, brave plagues and calamities, or even walk right into the, like Saint Damien of Molokai.
     
  19. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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  20. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Since you just moved and had help from 'friends' I don't think you've been abandoned. It's just that people have their own stuff to do. If you're in a new area, maybe join a new 12 step group.
     
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