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Habit of self critacism

Naruto Kurosaki

Naruto Kurosaki

Well-Known Member
I was wondering, do any of you have a habit of reciting negative comments about yourselves?

I do and from every aspect of life. I've been saying recently, "I'm an idiot", "A social failure", etc. I think it's ever since everything went wrong with my primary school friend from Facebook. Ever since then I've ritualised in cursing myself over and over again, :unsure:. I think it's also because I find social interaction so difficult and I'm always looking for reassurance from the people I'm writing to to make sure everything is alright.
 
I do this all the time. Usually it comes from dredging up past memories. I put an end to it in my head as quickly as possible so I don't go too deep into depression. There isn't much more I can say to do. I believe it comes from the fact that we have to replay things over again to be able to process them and that painful memories just tend to stand out more than pleasant ones.
 
I don't tend to be overly negative, but I surely assess the situations from the past and see what I can learn from there.

I don't really deal in what others think and do either... that entire comparison doesn't work for me. I'm quite sure I'd feel miserable if I drown myself in the success others have and I don't. A way to make it a less negative note might be to keep in mind that the life you live holds up for you, not for others. Much like someone who runs a succesful company cause he inherited a lot of money and had a good start that way, life gives you personally a set of cards you have to play with. I don't see how wallowing over that makes me a better person as such.

The opposite is also true in a sense. I've heard people comment on me telling me "I wish I'd have some of the skills and talents you have"... sure it feels good, but they don't know what I go through every day and what other stuff I might be missing out on which they would probably couldn't deal without.

I did read (though I don't have a source around) that people on the spectrum tend to overthink situations a lot and as such think in problems and solutions a lot. Clearly some of us think more in problems, some more in solutions I guess.
 
I think starting to think in solutions rather than problems is an acquired trait for us. I know its taken me years to switch from problems to solution style thinking :)
 
Thank you both for your replies, :).

Yeah, it's not just a recent thing either, I've been saying negative comments for years, it's just that those two were the latest comments. Others have been about education, social situations in general, and other matters. Anyway, yes, it definitely does come from dredging up bad memories, but they are certainly not easy to quell as I have so many bad ones and very little good. Socially I have been drawn from pillar to post from betrayal to lack of opening up to someone due to a previous bullying encounter. Educationally, I compare myself to my cousin who isn't on the spectrum, but as she is a year younger than me, and in university, I can't help but curse myself, and I can't even look at her face without bring up bad memories. I always replay things over in my head, in fact, my first post on this other forum was called 'My battleground puzzle mind' as that's what I do, have a need to work a puzzle out as my mind is holding me at gun point to find answers, but my heart feels it can't take it, but I have no choice.

My post from that forum about 'My battleground puzzle mind' is this:

'My mind and heart are on a constant battleground, neither has a greater majority over the other, they are in constant conflict. I am never able to settle on something, when something is resolved it reminds me immediately of something else. There are puzzle pieces in my mind; I am never settled until the puzzle has been worked out. I have no other choice but to complete the puzzle. I am held at gunpoint by my mind. I need to find the answer, if it is bad it is overwhelming, if it is good I can rest on that particular subject. If I am lied to and find out later, it feels much worse. My mind is like a computer and my heart is human. My head is telling me to face the answer whether I like it or not. My heart is telling me to avoid it, and don?t find out, but it is so pained by dismissing the truth. This is my battleground. This is what I have been faced with since primary school. It is not easy, but just the same it is uncontrollable. I am just the person sitting in the background, I am not able to intrude into the conflict inside of me, but oh, how I try, :(.

I feel I always need to pursue a problem, no matter how it may harm me. When I obtain puzzle pieces my mind automatically feels pain, I feel if I do not resolve an issue I will be stuck with the pain, but if it's true I could be causing a greater pain. It is always a risk. It is horrible, I am in an ever growing cycle of depression. I am unsure as to what to do, could anyone provide some thoughts or advice?'
 
You might find it helpful to check out the book, 'The Happiness Trap', by Russ Harris.
 
Thank you Divrom for your suggestion of the book 'The Happiness Trap', I've just ordered it now on the internet and I look forward to reading it, :).
 
Oh, sorry about the spelling mistake, :unsure:, but I'm afraid that will only add to my self criticism, :unhappy:. I was in a rush to send the thread off, so I didn't check my spelling.
 
Yes, I do it too. I am always saying things like "Sorry I'm a big f*ck up and a dumbass" to my mom whenever she yells at me for something stupid. Or if I do something stupid.

I wish I wasn't so negative, but it's very hard not to be. :(
 
Naruto Kurosaki said:
I was wondering, do any of you have a habit of reciting negative comments about yourselves?

I do and from every aspect of life. I've been saying recently, "I'm an idiot", "A social failure", etc. I think it's ever since everything went wrong with my primary school friend from Facebook. Ever since then I've ritualised in cursing myself over and over again, :unsure:. I think it's also because I find social interaction so difficult and I'm always looking for reassurance from the people I'm writing to to make sure everything is alright.
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I do it all the time. "I'm an idiot" is my stock phrase. In fact, I feel like an idiot for even mentioning it (and no, I am not trying to be funny).
 
"God, I'm dumb," - something I say a lot.
"Man I suck at social crap."
I think a lot of us have perfectionist tendencies and also happen to recognize when we aren't good at things and not lie to ourselves as much as other people, but we also don't always have the best self esteem =P
 
I have terrible self-esteem and often stim smacking my head and calling myself stupid especially if it is something that I could or should have done differently.
 
Wow, I started reading this thread with a few points in mind to make, but now that I've gotten to the bottom, most of them have been made already. It's comforting to know that other people are experiencing the same problems, but of course I also wish it was easier you guys, and myself, to get over our mistakes and cope with painful, sickening social recollections.

The best I find I can do to help myself is to try reminding myself of that most of my regrettable mistakes are, in the grand scheme of things, pretty mild and inconsequential. I also try telling myself that the world has moved on from most of these blunders. Sometimes I've tried explaining myself when I'm more composed, days after these incidents, but the other person has usually moved well past it, and need a lot of detail in order to remember what happened. It's a little scary how easily the world around can move on from these mistakes and set them in stone, when to me they're still fresh, current and harrowing.

Apart from "I'm an idiot," I also find myself muttering - purely subconsciously - "I hate the world!" I don't know if that means I'm blaming everyone and everything around for me these mistakes, showing frustration caused by all the convoluted social rules that exist, or that I'm angry with the world for having such a short attention span, and giving me so little time to patch up these blunders.
 
This is not exactly the same thing, or maybe just an extreme form of it... But w/e, here i go...

I have a habit of saying certain phrases or words when I'm anxious... The phrases are self-critical and/or coprolalic and/or suicidal, and the content doesn't necessarily have to have any relation to what actually prompted me to say it.

It used to be quite obsessive compulsive but feels more Tourette-like now. I have a certain degree of control over it (in public I can whisper, mime or "hum" it), but I fear accidentally saying something out loud so others hear.

Nobody has mentioned anything, but i suspect they've at least noticed I sometimes make some noises and suspicious facial movements.
 
I have been always self critical constantly over examining what I do. I was especially bad at being critical of my work (projects,creations).
It took alot of years of training myself not to do that but I still feel the urge to do so. I accepted my skills so far outweigh any faults it is stupid
to beat myself up about it and those (supposed) faults make me more interesting.
 
I said a lot about self criticism on my previous forum, but someone on there was talking about 'faking' your mind into thinking good thoughts, like it's that easy, :unsure:. Clearly I'm not the only person that goes through that cycle of self doubt. I know it adds to our depression, but I can't just 'switch it off' and become positive all of a sudden. I am very aware of my faults as I'm sure others are, I cannot hide from the truth, but I do know I need a lot of reassurance from those I interact with as I know how quick my mind changes from acceptance to worrying sick, :unsure:.

In school, when I was self critical, which was mostly out in the playground walking alone with just my thoughts for company, I would reflect on life and think that I was going nowhere and that I simply saw darkness ahead. That was definitely depression, but hidden among the curses of my bullies etc. came the occasional, "Ah, God, I'm stupid for trusting in these people!". That was generally where it all began, after that whenever I was in dire straits, for whatever reason, I would criticise myself.

I know this must be a ritualistic quote to myself, whenever I either swear or say something I wasn't sure I should have said I say under my breath, "Excuse my language, sorry about that, or whatever", just as a safeguard so as to not feel guilty, :unsure:. That's a common one for me, I've said it thousands of times for as long as I can remember.

Still, one thing it proves is that we're all human and that it's natural for us to feel that way, but as you've said already, that we generally have a lower self-esteem. Well, the fact that we can criticise ourselves also proves that we are aware of our own faults, in a sense you could say that it shows that we care as we can see we aren't perfect, no one is. As we know we have difficulties, we are true to ourselves, therefore we can better relate to one another, and so we can see where we are all coming from. That shows that we care and we have more understanding as we can admit that we're not perfect, at least we're not arrogant for thinking we're perfect. As the saying goes, pride comes before a fall.

I'm glad I've come on to this forum as I can see that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do and it's great to be able to share and relate some of our difficulties to each other. It shows that we all have understanding and care which I think is what this world needs more of, :).
 
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Naruto Kurosaki said:
Oh, sorry about the spelling mistake, :unsure:, but I'm afraid that will only add to my self criticism, :unhappy:. I was in a rush to send the thread off, so I didn't check my spelling.
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Meh, don't worry about it. If I remember correctly I once had to change a post about 2 times due to multiple errors, and I wasn't even in any rush.
 
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