I said a lot about self criticism on my previous forum, but someone on there was talking about 'faking' your mind into thinking good thoughts, like it's that easy, :unsure:. Clearly I'm not the only person that goes through that cycle of self doubt. I know it adds to our depression, but I can't just 'switch it off' and become positive all of a sudden. I am very aware of my faults as I'm sure others are, I cannot hide from the truth, but I do know I need a lot of reassurance from those I interact with as I know how quick my mind changes from acceptance to worrying sick, :unsure:.
In school, when I was self critical, which was mostly out in the playground walking alone with just my thoughts for company, I would reflect on life and think that I was going nowhere and that I simply saw darkness ahead. That was definitely depression, but hidden among the curses of my bullies etc. came the occasional, "Ah, God, I'm stupid for trusting in these people!". That was generally where it all began, after that whenever I was in dire straits, for whatever reason, I would criticise myself.
I know this must be a ritualistic quote to myself, whenever I either swear or say something I wasn't sure I should have said I say under my breath, "Excuse my language, sorry about that, or whatever", just as a safeguard so as to not feel guilty, :unsure:. That's a common one for me, I've said it thousands of times for as long as I can remember.
Still, one thing it proves is that we're all human and that it's natural for us to feel that way, but as you've said already, that we generally have a lower self-esteem. Well, the fact that we can criticise ourselves also proves that we are aware of our own faults, in a sense you could say that it shows that we care as we can see we aren't perfect, no one is. As we know we have difficulties, we are true to ourselves, therefore we can better relate to one another, and so we can see where we are all coming from. That shows that we care and we have more understanding as we can admit that we're not perfect, at least we're not arrogant for thinking we're perfect. As the saying goes, pride comes before a fall.
I'm glad I've come on to this forum as I can see that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do and it's great to be able to share and relate some of our difficulties to each other. It shows that we all have understanding and care which I think is what this world needs more of,
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