Friend who is on the fence about online dating but wants to try

[Margaux]

Hey guys,
I'm trying to understand why or why not someone with asperger's/autism may engage in online dating. To me it seems great to have the option to introduce myself to many people, and easily have an opportunity to figure out if I even like them or not (and vice versa) before meeting with them in person. But it's also daunting to not know exactly who I'm talking to. I'm also not sure what I should disclose or not about myself, how soon I should meet them, etc. When it comes down to it, though, I do find conversations are easier to start online because it's a little less awkward.
Thoughts? Ideas?

To clarify I'm a NT who is friends with someone on the spectrum who wants to date but still feels iffy about online dating. I myself use dating apps, so I'd like to hear other points of view.

 

[metalminx24]

I'm an aspie who met my husband on a dating site. I do find it easier talking online than in person; when I meet anyone in real life for the first or even second time I'm rarely anything more than monosyllabic, so being able to communicate in a different way was helpful- both for me and them.

As for what to disclose...it's difficult, I've seen enough episodes of Catfish to know it can be problematic! I think stick to the basics to begin with, likes/dislikes, hobbies, ambitions, values- look for general compatibility. The deeper, more personal stuff can wait until face-to-face meetings. Obviously if your friend would want to disclose their diagnosis it's up to them. For me... I was honest about it and found it helped stop me wasting time on people who didn't want to 'deal with that stuff'.

When it comes to meeting in person, always choose somewhere public that you know well, and never disclose your address. It can be a minefield, but it can also be totally worth it. Good luck!

 

[Maelstrom]

Hey guys,
I'm trying to understand why or why not someone with asperger's/autism may engage in online dating. To me it seems great to have the option to introduce myself to many people, and easily have an opportunity to figure out if I even like them or not (and vice versa) before meeting with them in person. But it's also daunting to not know exactly who I'm talking to. I'm also not sure what I should disclose or not about myself, how soon I should meet them, etc. When it comes down to it, though, I do find conversations are easier to start online because it's a little less awkward.
Thoughts? Ideas?

To clarify I'm a NT who is friends with someone on the spectrum who wants to date but still feels iffy about online dating. I myself use dating apps, so I'd like to hear other points of view.

Hi Margaux
I haven't worked up the courage to do it but things are sort of in the air on a impending move so..
I have noticed there are quite a few predator/damaged people in the online pool....and people on the spectrum are vulnerable to being abused. So the basic trade off if more choices with more land mines. I think some one on the spectrum would be wise to have a neutral party, (non family), good at judging people check out your new dates some how. Like your friend could accedently bump into you at your coffee date in the park or where ever and say hello and chat for a few minutes with you both...and make sure no creepy red flags are flying high, that a aspie may miss.

Mael Hi metalminx24!

 

[ancusmitis]

The sites that I've joined all seem to be dead and/or exclusively populated by straight people. That's the free sites. I won't try the commercial sites because I want a proof of concept first.

 

[eonbus]

plenty of fish has cool people when you know who you want.

 

[eonbus]

dating sites are hard to tell.
they need alot of patience. so you can match out the correct partners.

 

[eonbus]

Hey guys,
I'm trying to understand why or why not someone with asperger's/autism may engage in online dating. To me it seems great to have the option to introduce myself to many people, and easily have an opportunity to figure out if I even like them or not (and vice versa) before meeting with them in person. But it's also daunting to not know exactly who I'm talking to. I'm also not sure what I should disclose or not about myself, how soon I should meet them, etc. When it comes down to it, though, I do find conversations are easier to start online because it's a little less awkward.
Thoughts? Ideas?

To clarify I'm a NT who is friends with someone on the spectrum who wants to date but still feels iffy about online dating. I myself use dating apps, so I'd like to hear other points of view.

i would let him feel comfortable about joining a dating site. otherwise he might get to annoyed.

 

[midlife aspie]

Be careful. Especially if female and relatively attractive. Lots of creeps, and probably a 5 to 1 M/F ratio.

 

[Maelstrom]

in my research of dating sites Okay Cupid? (not sure I spelled that right) and Christian mingle I think were liked by the Ladies best for ways to screen out the one night stand trolls...who are also the lady spamming trolls...who ruin everything for the rest of us guys.

I should point out however the ladies seem to end up dating the same 5 Godless Rotten lady studs over and over and then complain all the guys are bad. Those guys are real good at, (pretending), to be the perfect package....real nice guys don't come gift rapped on the shelf...some assembly is required most of the time.

That means look for a guy with a nice soul first, not the perfect $ job, I haven't met a lady yet who pulled off the changing a bad boy into a saint thing . Have had those ladies cry on my shoulder tons....it gets old after they go back to the creeps for the third and forth time.

 

[midlife aspie]

One thing for men to look out for on these sites: cam girls. They are very crafty.

 

[Maelstrom]

One thing for men to look out for on these sites: cam girls. They are very crafty.

explain more please? Thank you midlife aspie

 

[midlife aspie]

explain more please? Thank you midlife aspie

Cam girls are young women who troll social and dating sites in an effort to extract money from unwary men. They will often respond to profiles of men pretending to be interested. They tend to use racy language and pictures to lure their victims to another site in an effort to 'put on a show' in exchange for CC information, usually with assurances that said card would not be charged for the initial 'session'. Their host site is also subject to infect with viruses.

 

[Maelstrom]

Cam girls are young women who troll social and dating sites in an effort to extract money from unwary men. They will often respond to profiles of men pretending to be interested. They tend to use racy language and pictures to lure their victims to another site in an effort to 'put on a show' in exchange for CC information, usually with assurances that said card would not be charged for the initial 'session'. Their host site is also subject to infect with viruses.

That would explain the smoking hot, lips enhanced, lady hitting on me from east ukraine. I'm cute for my age but she wanted my e-mail on the second message....didn't feel right to me. Said no on the e-mail and no more PMs big surprise....

 

[midlife aspie]

That would explain the smoking hot, lips enhanced, lady hitting on me from east ukraine. I'm cute for my age but she wanted my e-mail on the second message....didn't feel right to me. Said no on the e-mail and no more PMs big surprise....

That would be a cam girl. Textbook example.