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I struggle to forgive people unless they try and make amends.
I hold people to the same standards I hold myself. Disastrous, I know, but it seems fair to me. If they make no effort to repair damage, then they do not deserve to be forgiven or forgotten lest they do it again. Logic of "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." Sometimes I even hold things against myself and make a memo to fix later that others may forget years later. If they make reparations, I will forgive them, but it'll always be there in the back of my mind to make sure they don't do it again. I do get an awful lot of complaints about that, but usually the ones who complain about it are the ones that like to mistreat others in the first place.
I do recognize when certain people have particular offensive tendencies and factor that into my interactions with them (preferably avoiding them), but I don't wish them ill will, if their offenses are not particularly criminal.
I had one teacher in my junior school who tormented the life out of me for being different, loved to embaress me and make me stand in the rain as i was no good at maths...evil bastard but thats how it was for me in the 80s so yeah bit of a grudge but nothing personal. .....!Are you a person who holds grudges? I certainly am. I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until fairly late, and I have had teachers make my life a living hell. It would take far too long to describe them all, but many of them have made me cry. I'll give one example: Just last year, I had a Global Studies teacher who was one of the most sarcastic people whom I have ever met. I've always had a problem with correcting teachers, but have gotten better at it. This teacher said that she liked being corrected, but I was skeptical. So I kept asking her, and she kept saying yes, she liked being corrected. I eventually started crying (in front of the whole class) because I didn't know if she was being sarcastic or not, but I finally believed her. Later, I corrected her...and she got mad. Some kids later told me that she was being sarcastic.
Back to the point: I have never forgiven these teachers for treating me like this, especially the teachers who already knew I had Asperger's, such the one mentioned above. I hold grudges against these people, even though I'm told I shouldn't. Do you also hold grudges against those who've treated you like that, or are you better at just letting this stuff slide?
I'd like to inquire about my earlier post on this thread, specifically as to why it's suddenly divided into paragraphs because I did not divide it into paragraphs when I typed it. Are there moderators on here who do that if the post is too long? Because I'm absolutely OK with that. I just want to make sure that I wasn't hacked. Hackers are one of my biggest triggers for anxiety and panic, so please - I need to know why my post is suddenly divided into paragraphs. Thanks.
I took the liberty of paragraphing it, so that I could easily read it.
That is a something a moderator can do----edit.
I didn't remove any of your content.
I paragraphed it for clarity.
Often people avoid/skip over posts that appear to be a
wall of text. For maximum readability, paragraphing is
This is how I feel too. I need closure to get rid of a grudge and if they aren't willing to talk about it or try to work it out then it is not forgotten. I have the need to understand their actions.For example, if someone wrongs me once in the past, then I usually let it go after a little while, especially if I never have to see them again, they apologize later, or I get some other form of closure in the situation. However, if someone wrongs me once (or several times, whatever) and never apologizes about it or shows no sign of being willing to change their ways, then I'll often feel bitter about it even years later.