Depressive/suicidal Aspies

[aphrodite_mine]

What helps you get through the hard days? (I'm thinking other than meds or therapy.)

 

[ravendragonwing]

crying
laying in bed
sleep
playing a violent video game
watching my cat play (makes me smile)

 

[imagesbyholly]

Watching a funny movie, rest, beauty (poetry, lovely art, nature), drawing, avoiding dark things like violence and morbidity, reding passages about hope in the Bible, eating magnesium foods like sauteed spinach, pumkin seeds, chocolate, etc, taking rhodiola rosea (an herb), realizing that the desire for death is false, it is "other than me," and that it will pass. I've been suicidal since childhood on and off, and the times of respite from the darkness have given me hope to hang onto when things get hard.

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

I pray often for death though I'm too chicken to do it. its hard when you don't really see a point to your life.

My husband is bout the only thing that really stops me fully walking down that path. I don't want to hurt him. He loves me so much it would break my heart to know how much he would suffer without me. And my animals. My cat kai for instance is so attached to me that I don't think she would cope and my dogs aren't much better. One of our dogs actually has anxiety attacks due to being away from us when we take him to the groomers and he likes his groomer!! So I hate to imagine what would happen to them if I wasn't here.

I keep my hands busy when I get really bad. Painting (digital and with paint), quilting, crochet - they are the three big ones atm that keep me sane. They involve keeping my brain amused to so to speak. Quilting and crocheting require a lot of for thought and imagination (I make toys and quilts out my head so I have to have a lot of planning to make it work). When I'm focused on planning stitches or something I don't think about other stuff. When I paint I usually paint emotions but that tends to be more an out pouring of emotion rather than a suppression.

I carry the thoughts of death with me every day and I have learned to push them to the back of my mind more than anything. It depresses me that I have never achieved the career I was always told I wanted so I have a lot of issues with that and wanting to be dead. But I think its about finding a meaning in life ... a meaning that helps you go on. I'm still trying to find that meaning and hopefully one day I will find it. but until then I will always be hoping for that day my life ends.

 

[Pella]

I look at pictures of baby animals.

 

[imagesbyholly]

I should add keeping a list of my accomplishments (small is really big) and things I am grateful for- for me it is things I am grateful to God for. I read this book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It is pretty heavy at times and too emotional for me to read again for a long time, but a huge, huge part of her healing is this challenge her friend gives her to write down as many things every day as she can find to be grateful for. Such as:

1. A full moon on a warm November night
2. Hot apple cider
3. Laughing with my husband while playing chess the wrong way (it's been a while)
4. A dog's warm head in my lap, and his big brown eyes
5. My daughter singing, "Spinning round roses. Hold my hand Eeah?" to her sister.
6. Free violin concert (heart-swell!)

All these things and more might occur on a day where I have felt like my life wasn't worth it and I wanted to die. But I collect these little islands of refuge and go back and read them, and sort of walk around in them, get the game and become eager to look for more, and as I practice gratitude and joy in this way, my island of refuge grows larger. It may not be a total cure since so much of it is neurological, but it is good and has a real effect on our brains. Ann had 1000 at the end of a year, and friends encouraged her to write a book about how much it changed her (because it did). It can help you see what you need to do more of (free voilin concerts!) and find more things that give you that good feeling.

 

[wyverary]

Cuddling with my dog and/or watching Cosmos.

 

[Bay]

I lose myself on the internet (there is so much that I find interesting) and try to keep reminding myself that it will pass, eventually.

 

[smith2267]

I work out, which is actually a stim when I do it.

 

[aphrodite_mine]

@Dragon's Tooth: That sounds a lot like me, actually. Sewing, knitting, typing, drawing takes most of my focus and keeps me from thinking about other things.

When I'm suicidal, I like to list the names of people who would be affected by my death. The logic helps. I may want to die, but logically, I just can't.

 

[poey]

When I'm suicidal, I like to list the names of people who would be affected by my death.

Poey, Mrs. Poey, Roark, Aphrodite's sister, Aprhodite's mom, Rupert, Roy.
Albeit some of those are cats, the humans would miss you SO badly.
What would we do on Sundays?

If it's any consolation, you are one reason i'm not dead now too.
What would you and Mrs. Poey do on Sundays?

Love ya.
-p

 

[Laura]

Reading my favourite books, watching movies, anything that can take my mind off the sadness. I think of my family too, especially my little brothers and sisters, and how much they mean to me. Weirdly I listen to sad music too, it gets it out of my system and eventually I work my way through it.

 

[aphrodite_mine]

@poey <3 The list is pretty damn long when I get down to it.

@Laura Sad music! I think it can be helpful to remember that other people have been here too and have come out of it. (On the other hand, it doesn't help at all to listen to sad music by people who have actually committed suicide. I think I'm the only person who loves indie music and cannot cannot cannot listen to Elliot Smith.)

 

[Aalo]

When I'm depressed I tend to sleep and eat too little. Hardly nothing gets me smiling.
What gets me up is thinking that I'm replaceable. I'm not needed by anyone or anything. That gives me permission to take my time, as bad feelings usually tend to pass over time. I don't intendedly punish myself for being lazy ****.

Feeling bit better I like to get lost in my dreams that also usually get me involved on doing something concrete to help my aims. Sometimes listening to music helps, sometimes it makes all feel even worse. While feeling bad I can't concentrate on reading, so I'll watch series' and movies until I develop some enthusiasm out of themes concerned in them.
Going out in nature always helps, but returning indoors can be hard. But making outdoorsing a habit works.

 

[Perkinsj88]

Lately I've been playing with virtualpiano.net. I love smashing the keyboard and hearing fur elise or moonlight sonata. Never been a huge classical buff, but Ludwig has some amazing stuff.

 

[Arashi222]

The things that help me get through the hard days are:
Hiding in my room under the covers
Crying
Reading
Writing my stories
Listening to Music
Watching my fav tv show or movie
Buying dollie stuffs

 

[Pusteblume]

My promise to a couple of ppl that I won't try to kill myself again.

 

[LikeyouToMe]

Consdiering today has been a really hard day, I'm not sure. I just try to push myself through. I feel so bloody tired by even getting myself to work and pushing myself through work that the only thing I can do is to just keep going, but anything I say to myself, especially in the REALLY hard moments, nothing really helps.

If I am at home, I just do what I do every single day, watch TV / films / TV shows I've seen a million times before, listen to music, piss around on the internet and attempt to get comfort from my wife.

 

[jimited]

Usually isolation, plug myself into my earphones and listen to Mumford and Sons, and try sleep it off or write in my journal and hope I get through the darkest hours. My kids are the real reason I am still here and they give me the strength to fight on. on the better days I tend to occupy myself with my favourite tv shows or my interests on the internet.

 

[MoCoffee]

When I feel hopeless and just want all the guilt and pain to end, I remember the look on my daughter's face as she told me of the three days of not knowing if I would live or die she endured after my accidental overdose. I will never deliberately make her go through that again.