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Featured Compare myself to other people makes me depressed.

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Tony Ramirez, Feb 7, 2020.

  1. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    I do this all the time which makes me depressed. I did it when I was younger and did not know I had Asperger's ASD comparing myself to my cousins.

    I look on how people without Asperger's ASD seem to have better lives then me. They can go out and socialize easily, which I am forcing myself too do buy going to Church, Church events and Life Group.

    However seeing people without the disorder strike up conversations and the big thing maintaining them while if someone talks to me the conversations end quickly. Even though I personally talked to my friend Justin about this he says it is no easy for him but it seems so easy.
     
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  2. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

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    I feel the same.
     
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  3. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    I try not to compare myself to others, but it’s hard at times. I’ve currently closed myself off from a lot of friends because they’re advancing in their careers, starting families and buying houses while I’m just struggling to get out of bed and leave the house.
     
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  4. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    I agree when you see that how can you not compare yourself too that.
     
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  5. Peter Jansen

    Peter Jansen Veteran Aspie

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    You too, huh? I know exactly how you feel.
     
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  6. Kirsty

    Kirsty ND

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    It’s probably not all that cracked up to be. People moan they’re in relationships, etc. wishing for a life like us. Just change our story/perspectives and accept that our lives are for what it is as moaning won’t get us anywhere.
     
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  7. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    My friend Justin is happily married. His wife knows my condition too.
     
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  8. Kirsty

    Kirsty ND

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    Happily married people also have their struggles.
     
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  9. Peter Jansen

    Peter Jansen Veteran Aspie

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    The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence! But there's nothing wrong with knowing what you want out of life and aspiring to achieve it.
     
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  10. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    Wise words, but sometimes acceptance is hard to come by. I’ve had so many hardships in the last two years and I’ve seen all of my dreams and ambitions evaporate due to various mental and physical disorders. I’m working on acceptance but I get distraught sometimes.
     
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  11. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    I relate. It is a painful reminder. Still maybe making new dreams will help.
     
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  12. Kirsty

    Kirsty ND

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    I understand how you feel; not totally, but I’ve had similar experiences myself. The hardships has almost defined me and my personality and have accepted i’m neurodiverse without fitting into a criteria which was analysed by a psychiatrist and her consultant. Her words were “It’s not avoidant...” and “You’re on the right track” by going out and seeing people (which I’ve given up on now as I’m happy with the two safe friends I have because nothing really felt right before; probably because I interacted with NTs!) Autism was ruled out. It’s a slow acceptance, but you’ll get there.
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2020
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  13. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    I always get people with strange ulterior motives that want to be friends. They always want to tell me what to do, how to do it, when to it, why l should do it. With friends like that, who needs enemas?
     
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  14. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Exactly.

    Thing is, alot of what we see going on in typical day to day life is.... fake. That's a big thing in this society. Being fake.

    Someone looks like they're having a great time at a party? The fact that they LOOK like they are, doesnt mean they arent loathing it. Someone looks like they have a giant pile of friends? Get them to tell you their REAL opinion of those "friends" and you might find that the reality is different. Provided they even know them all that well. This can even apply to marriage. The classic example of the happily married couple that aint actually so happy is pretty common. Of course, thing is, they wont let OTHERS know about that.... because it might make them less popular.

    And that's often what it's all ACTUALLY about. Feeling like you're high up on that pedestal. For whatever reason, people are wired that way. Alot of people will do all sorts of deeply stupid things to improve their "status".... even if nobody ACTUALLY cares. This is also a huge part of why bullying happens. By attacking those that are not a part of their stupid tribe, the bully shows how much they are a part of that tribe. It's a really crude and frankly braindead way of saying "Yeah you guys, I really am one of the big strong popular dudes, look how I stomp that guy who ISNT any of those things, so that proves it". That's why bullies often make their attacks so public, particularly at schools.

    As I often say, finding REAL friends, those that are not fake, is not so easy. You see people randomly gluing themselves to others at parties or whatever, and it looks so easy to you.... that aint how real friendship works, whether you're on or off the spectrum. True friends arent common. It takes a long time to build up a real friendship like that and it sure aint something that happens in a big sparkly way just so others can see it better. That's not why real friendship forms. And I dunno about you... but I'd rather have one ACTUAL friend than 500 fake ones and a bunch of completely pointless status upgrades that dont actually do anything.

    Honestly every time I talk about this, I always feel like I dodged a cannonball barrage in terms of the whole "being on the spectrum" thing. Glad I'm not NT. Not having to engage in that fakery or that status war crap.... definitely glad for that. Sure saves me alot of time.


    Anyway, my point is: Dont be fooled by all the flashy, glittery explosions of !!FUN!! that seem to be going on around you. They're often as flashy as possible because that flash is often all they really are. If you ever wondered why Facebook blew up the way it did, THAT is why: Because it makes it easier to wave that flash in the face of those around you. For that precious "status" and attention.
     
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  15. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    I like that old joke,

    Do you want to look younger & thinner?
    Hang out with old, fat people! [​IMG]
     
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  16. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    For 20 years I have kept a running tally of "Friends Who Have Died." Stunningly, a close friend from junior high, a friend from high school, and several acquaintances from college died in their 40s and 50s ... and here I am still kicking at 65. Most of these friends were more successful in their careers than me, but what good does that do them if they are dead?
     
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  17. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    I agree with Misery - the cool people are happy in their world , they don't need to fake it because they aren't insecure. We come in the world as one and we leave *****as one****. So generate your own brand of happiness!
     
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  18. oregano

    oregano This or that?

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    It reminds me of that story about a guy who won the lottery and then bought everything he ever wanted. Then he was found dead of suicide surrounded by all his great stuff. Or Ted Turner's father, who achieved all his dreams in life by 50, and killed himself at 52 because he had nothing else to do in his life and thus had no point in going on. I see how angry everybody is around me, and the better "the economy" supposedly does the more miserable they are. Look up the song Terminal Preppy by the punk band Dead Kennedys, it makes fun of the shallowness of the children of the affluent, and it's nearly 40 years old. "Someday I'll have power / Someday I'll have boats / A tract in some suburb / With Thanksgivings to host!" When you consider that drug use and net worth seem to be directly correlated, we may not have it so bad.
     
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  19. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I feel the same way sometimes. I have a pity party for a while then I forget about it again.
     
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  20. Sherlock77

    Sherlock77 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yup... It's the annual "beat my head against the wall" festival, err... that should mean local photography festival month o_O

    I get to see all the super successful people photographers (some I know, most I don't) showing off their success all month, when I have zero success of any sort

    I do know that being envious is the last thing I should be doing, but I struggle with a perception of lack of success... I think a big part of it is not being a good crowd mixer, most successful people seem to be social butterflies with a huge social circle of fellow artists, which I don't at all... I hate being crammed into a tight room and being forced to mingle, watching other people who seem to do it so naturally...

    Talking with a friend tonight, I've seen it before, there are all the local pro photographers and despite my best attempts it seems like I can never fit into that world, I even know some of them, can talk with them a little, but I still can't seem to cross that big divide perhaps because I'm not a pro photographer and simply tend to get ignored...
     
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