Bad truthing

[Clueless in Canada]

I cannot remember a time when I did not know what lying was or did not attempt to use it though I am a poor liar and generally only tell what is called 'white lies' or 'social lies'. I was actually taught to do this so who knows how I would answer 'does my bum look big in this?' type questions if I'd been left to my own devices. I suspect I'd have answered honestly. Don't ask if you don't want to know.

Because I was taught about social lies I generally don't believe any compliments I get as I assume they are social lies. It is my understanding that people say things in order to be nice but don't really mean them. I use that understanding as part of my social script. If I am with someone who has an obviously new haircut or new car or who has created some sort of art I will say I like it even if I don't because this is how it supposedly works.

I recall lying once or twice as a teenager, to keep from getting into trouble with my mother and I lied about some things when planning my escape from my former marriage.

So, I am capable of it, but I don't actually lie very often except to avoid hurting feelings. I am more comfortable with truth.

 

[Ylva]

'does my bum look big in this?'

The true answer to this, for me, is invariably "I do not understand the question".

Although I have long since learned that the correct answer is "no".

And definitely not "I don't want to look at your bum".

 

[Clueless in Canada]

[QUOTE
Although I have long since learned that the correct answer is "no".
/QUOTE]
Actually I think the correct answer is now 'yes' because big bums are desired.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

[QUOTE
Although I have long since learned that the correct answer is "no".
/QUOTE]
Actually I think the correct answer is now 'yes' because big bums are desired.

Especially when you need somewhere to rest your drink...

 

[Progster]

Because I was taught about social lies I generally don't believe any compliments I get as I assume they are social lies. It is my understanding that people say things in order to be nice but don't really mean them. I use that understanding as part of my social script. If I am with someone who has an obviously new haircut or new car or who has created some sort of art I will say I like it even if I don't because this is how it supposedly works.

Sometimes the compliment is genuine, but it can be hard to understand when it is genuine and when it isn't. Generally, I don't make compliments unless I really mean it. If I like something, I say so, if not, then I say nothing. People who know me well know this, and then appreciate any compliment I made even more.

 

[Propianotuner]

I'm sad to admit that this is another of those plethora of things which have contributed to my being very cynical. So many times I've not only told the truth but desperately wanted someone else to understand that, all in vain.

It's only increasingly reinforced in me the idea that people are more presumptive than perceptive.

 

[Pats]

Funny, when I think about it. I won't say I have never ever lied, but it's not something I do casually and I hate when I'm forced to. People never seen me as a liar to my knowledge. But yet.....
My first husband was publicly known to drink constantly, run around with other women, gamble - would even tell women we were separated to get them to go out with him. BUT when I finally mustard the courage to leave him, everyone, including my own family, blamed me for reading too many magazines and claimed that was the reason I left.
My second husband was a con artist and impulsive liar - even lied about things that didn't matter (like saying my due date was a month before my actual due date and I'm having to reassure people that last month that all was fine). He passed polygraphs all the time and no one ever questioned him because of his charm. I'd probably fail a polygraph giving my name.
My last husband told me everything before we got perfect that I wanted to hear - like he didn't like to argue, he would be depressed if he couldn't work, church was important to him, etc, etc. As soon as we were married I learned that none of these things were true. Including his professed love for me - once married letting me know, well, he didn't love me in that way.
And I'm the one people are less likely to believe.