Bad truthing

[Ylva]

Like some walking stereotype, I have always been committed to telling the truth, to keep things simple. Looking back over the first twenty-five years of my life, which is when I thought I was neurotypical, it looks like I might as well have lied, because many couldn't be bothered to believe me when I told the truth. Apparently I am honest with the same body language as others when they lie. Or maybe it's just the intonation of my voice, I admit it could be flat, especially when I wasn't invested in making the other person believe me, such as when telling them where a thing was or some other fact that they could check for themselves.

Can anyone relate? How do you deal with it?

 

[the_tortoise]

I can relate, I think it’s a combination of different body language and different processing....like what you think or feel in a situation, the typical person would never think or feel so it seems unbelievable to them.

 

[Shamar]

Like some walking stereotype, I have always been committed to telling the truth, to keep things simple. Looking back over the first twenty-five years of my life, which is when I thought I was neurotypical, it looks like I might as well have lied, because many couldn't be bothered to believe me when I told the truth. Apparently I am honest with the same body language as others when they lie. Or maybe it's just the intonation of my voice, I admit it could be flat, especially when I wasn't invested in making the other person believe me, such as when telling them where a thing was or some other fact that they could check for themselves.

Can anyone relate? How do you deal with it?

I know what you mean. Body language, as far as I'm concerned, might as well be a language written in Martian. I cannot interpret it or use it. Eye contact is another aspect of the problem. The difficulty making eye contact (which probably includes most of us), or the need to avoid it altogether (at least me), apparently triggers a perception of dishonesty or lying. I can be talking to someone with the Sun shining on his face, say it is sunny out, and it will still be interpreted is a lie.

 

[clg114]

I do not know if my body language is ever any different. Except for my wife and family, I do not care if anybody thinks that I am lying. The only time that I would ever lie to my wife and kids would be to spare some ones feelings.

 

[Fino]

Yep! If it's important I'm believed, I have to act as if I'm lying by pretending to say it a certain way. So weird!

 

[Kirsty]

The truth is still a fact and often people ‘sugarcoat’ the truth to be liked.

 

[Progster]

Yes, I often have a mismatch between my body language and words which confuses people. People misread me a lot. They often think that I'm worried or confused, when I'm not.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I think it an all be summed up in the way they do the weather forecasts these days.

For me :
Rain,a bit of wind coming in from the west - Sunny tomorrow. Job Done.

For the masses :
You're going to be fine,don't worry. There'll be a few sprinkles later in the day. It's ok. You'll make it through.
(facial expressions from the presenter of extreme empathy)
You might need a jacket.
You've worn a jacket before right? We can get through this. I'm with you all the way.
It's sunny tomorrow. All's well with the world. No need for suicide just yet.


Meaning :

Egos are delicate little holy balloons, if they are not pumped up continuously with hot air and messages communicating that 'you're nice really' 'you'll be fine' they will deflate with horrendous consequences.

Meaning you go out jacketless - when THERE IS A RISK OF SPRINKLES.

IN other words there is little room for the truth in social communication.
It's an equivalent of a modern weather forecast.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Yep! If it's important I'm believed, I have to act as if I'm lying by pretending to say it a certain way. So weird!

I often get (in their heads ) 'He can't possibly mean that."
so there is an uncertainty apparent before they laugh.

I guess I'm lucky as my social delivery is taken that way - otherwise there would be knives and pitchforks.

 

[Gracey]

I’m just starting to get into what I’d class as lying.

I outright lied to escape a social gathering.
Spoke with such nonchalance, it was accepted.
The tone of the gathering was advertising wealth and success with such suavity and insouciance,
you’d have to wonder why they’d bother mentioning them at all.
It was very well done.


I don’t know if my body language matches my words,
I’m not sure I care anymore.
Feel too old to ‘give a monkey’s ...’

I do know I might not feel the same way as some about a particular situation so my description or recount may lack expected excitement or appropriate emotion.

 

[zurb]

I’ll often pause before speaking. There might be multiple ways to interprete the question. Or I’m trying to work out what they mean? Or whether they are really interested or just being polite. Or,... there’s so many things to consider.... But a pause is often interpreted as preparing a lie, or a reluctance to tell the truth. Can’t win.

 

[Graphin]

Yup, all of that crap.
We probably had this causing many issues as children, for me almost everytime in doubt people would just say I'm lying.
I've read somewhere that aspies are heavly discriminated against in things like police questioning because they plain tend to look like they are lying.

 

[Gracey]

Just had another thought about body language.

If it’s forced,
in the way we might mimic others or enforce stillness (no stimming)

Then our body language may well appear as if we’re trying to hide something or lying.
(Because in essence, we are ? -
In order to protect ourselves?)

 

[clg114]

I’ll often pause before speaking. There might be multiple ways to interprete the question. Or I’m trying to work out what they mean? Or whether they are really interested or just being polite. Or,... there’s so many things to consider.... But a pause is often interpreted as preparing a lie, or a reluctance to tell the truth. Can’t win.

Actually, you can and will win. Once you obtain the rank of "Grumpy Old Man" it is a lot easier, because GOMs do not really care what most people think. You do not have to consider all of these thing because it just does not make any difference. It's great, however it would be better if we could skip the "Old" part.

 

[Nervous Rex]

There are certain things people think indicate lying:

1) Not making eye contact.
2) Not speaking directly or giving a direct answer to a question.
3) Hesitating too much before answering.
4) Seeming shy, embarrassed, or unwilling to talk.

You will notice that politicians avoid all these signs, even when you know they are blatantly lying.

Unfortunately, I give off a lot of these signs just as a matter of course, whether telling the truth or lying. To compensate, I find I often over-explain, because I just expect people to not believe me. Over-explaining leads to a whole different problem.

There's also some magic behind reading people's expressions and actions that is completely beyond me. My mother once asked me what I did because - she said - "I looked guilty." I was guilty (I had just eaten a bunch of my brother's Halloween candy), but I was surprised that someone could look guilty. Afterward, I went to the mirror to see what "guilty" looks like. I didn't see it.

 

[Ylva]

There's also some magic behind reading people's expressions and actions that is completely beyond me. My mother once asked me what I did because - she said - "I looked guilty." I was guilty (I had just eaten a bunch of my brother's Halloween candy), but I was surprised that someone could look guilty. Afterward, I went to the mirror to see what "guilty" looks like. I didn't see it.

I've sometimes thought that maybe it is a magic trick, as in they already know what you did and want to pass it off as some kind of psychicness. This is partially negated by the fact that people have done this to me when I've done exactly nothing. Maybe they just wanted to annoy me, who knows.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

Like some walking stereotype, I have always been committed to telling the truth, to keep things simple. Looking back over the first twenty-five years of my life, which is when I thought I was neurotypical, it looks like I might as well have lied, because many couldn't be bothered to believe me when I told the truth. Apparently I am honest with the same body language as others when they lie. Or maybe it's just the intonation of my voice, I admit it could be flat, especially when I wasn't invested in making the other person believe me, such as when telling them where a thing was or some other fact that they could check for themselves.

Can anyone relate? How do you deal with it?

i just tell the truth,even if neurotypicals,as well as those amongst my friends or family are too S.A.D enough (Stupid,As well as Dumb) to hear what i try telling them or not.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I've sometimes thought that maybe it is a magic trick, as in they already know what you did and want to pass it off as some kind of psychicness. This is partially negated by the fact that people have done this to me when I've done exactly nothing. Maybe they just wanted to annoy me, who knows.

I've had it happen with other things, too. One time when I was getting sick, I went to the school nurse and said, "I don't feel well." The nurse said, "You don't look well!" I looked in the mirror to see what "don't look well" looks like, and all I saw was the same face I always see in the mirror. I didn't see the difference.

A few years ago, I had a spell of dizziness and so I got up to walk around some (you can question my common sense in another thread ). Someone asked me if I was okay and I said, "I feel dizzy." and they said, "You look dizzy." Again, mirror, I couldn't see it.

So, to me, this face-reading is a technology sufficiently advance for me that I'm going to call it magic.

 

[Fino]

I think it an all be summed up in the way they do the weather forecasts these days.

For me :
Rain,a bit of wind coming in from the west - Sunny tomorrow. Job Done.

For the masses :
You're going to be fine,don't worry. There'll be a few sprinkles later in the day. It's ok. You'll make it through.
(facial expressions from the presenter of extreme empathy)
You might need a jacket.
You've worn a jacket before right? We can get through this. I'm with you all the way.
It's sunny tomorrow. All's well with the world. No need for suicide just yet.


Meaning :

Egos are delicate little holy balloons, if they are not pumped up continuously with hot air and messages communicating that 'you're nice really' 'you'll be fine' they will deflate with horrendous consequences.

Meaning you go out jacketless - when THERE IS A RISK OF SPRINKLES.

IN other words there is little room for the truth in social communication.
It's an equivalent of a modern weather forecast.

It rains like ten times a year here and when it does I get everywhere I go: "WHERE'S YOUR UMBRELLA"

But I have never owned one, y'all!
How do I do it?
Rebel.

Everyone else: "He's getting a little wet."

 

[Fino]

I often get (in their heads ) 'He can't possibly mean that."
so there is an uncertainty apparent before they laugh.

I guess I'm lucky as my social delivery is taken that way - otherwise there would be knives and pitchforks.

I have the same thing! People tell me I can get away with saying anything, except when every once in a while someone is terribly offended and hates me.

It's called balance.