Autism vs. Antisocial Personality Disorder

[Lysander]

Hey guys,

Right off the bat, sorry! This is a weird topic to bring up, and I don't mean to imply that autism is connected to antisocial personality disorder. Especially because, as we all know, people with ASD have an enormous capacity for emotional and compassionate empathy.

I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at age 17. I was in a secure facility at the time, and my primary stated goal was to build social skills. I had a history of juvenile delinquency, although I would never have self conceptualized in that way. I would point out that I was very polite, and that I was not a thief, and brush completely over several seriously damaging assaults, and even one instance of arson, before the age of 12.

I've been trying very hard for many years to become the person I most want to be - so far I am succeeding! I am generally very happy, and I have changed profoundly. I've scrapped myself for parts many times over to be the way I am now, which is a fairly pleasant person to be around.

Actually, I've noticed that as my social skills have improved through vigorous restructuring, people at my recent jobs actually find me charming. My coworkers. My bosses. Even my customers. Everyone likes me. I make them feel good, and yet I don't feel much in return.

Actually, I don't get close to anyone period. I will think I want to talk to them, and within seconds of listening to them speak, realize I don't care and that I'm bored. I understand intuitively that this is rude and selfish, and I try my best not to show how impatient I feel.

I just simply don't resonate with people. They feel happy? Okay. Sad? Got it. But I don't see it, and I don't feel it. And frankly, most of the time I feel neither myself.

But not all of the time. How strange is that? If I had never ever felt remorse, I guess the matter would be clean cut. But what if you've seldom felt remorse? I have felt profound guilt, humiliation, and regret.

My self awareness is broken. And my empathy is even more broken. I evaluate myself in hindsight, through the perspective of the experiences I've gained through time. It has improved, and not without incident, but I am still constantly growing.

I wonder if what I am is actually related to ASD after all? When my psychiatrist met with me at that time, I was much worse than I am now, at 25. If it's a matter of nature or nurture? Am I predisposed to be this way, and my early childhood laid the groundwork? I had bad, but not horrible, childhood. There was material neglect and my dad was gone. My mom never wanted to be in a room with me too long. (Can you blame her though?) And yet even though they were flawed, I think it might be a cop out to blame my parents.

Well, if you got this far, thank you for reading, and I'm truly grateful.

Let me know what you think, and be brutal if that's what feels right.

 

[Bolletje]

I think that if you doubt your diagnosis, you could get another evaluation. As you say, things have changed since your last evaluation. A fresh look at your case might lead to new insights. Or it might not. What are you hoping and/or looking for?

 

[Fino]

You sound a lot like me!

What's the "can you blame her?" part mean? Someone creates life, nurtures it, it changes her life, she lives with it--then at some point, doesn't want to be in a room with it for too long? I don't need any details beyond that to blame her. That's a massive failure on her part.

It's not a cop-out to explain some of your difficulties with your parents or any other experience. It's a logical analysis of cause and effect. It's only a problem when you partake in destructive behavior and claim it's because of them. It's the difference between "explaining" and "excusing".

Are you saying you believe you may have ASPD?

Is there anyone you do care about when they talk, someone you do want to listen to and want to help when they're unhappy? Do you feel anything at the sight of homeless people, crimes being committed, or animals being hurt? Or anything?

 

[Suzanne]

You are talking about sympathy, which is short term emotion ( discovered this, on discovering aspergers).

Your description of how people find you and how you are with them, is exactly what I go through. I do, occasionally "weep when another weeps" and this is because I sense an awakening inside of me for that person's feelings.

But on avarage, I find it hard being around my fellow humans. Too much drama and so, prefer to isolate myself.

Just the other day, I heard a tapping on my verandah door and I soooo very much wanted to ignore it and nearly did, but thought: suppose it is important for my husband? I took a deep breath and with a smile, called to the person. We had a brief chat and I am sure, if he related that chat, he might venture to say that I was pleasant to talk with.

However, that episode stayed with me LONG after he disappeared and made me feel uneasy about who else is going to appear.

I feel though, that neurotypicals go through this as well, but the difference is that they do not worry about it; just get on with it. Anyway, that is what I have witnessed.

 

[SusanLR]

Fino stated some very relevant questions to ask yourself if you want to know about ASPD.

Do you emotionally react to seeing animals hurt?
People hurting? Do you feel anything when you see or hear of mass shootings and killings?
As far as empathy, do you have good intellectual empathy skills? Knowing how to manipulate
others by playing upon their feelings and mentally playing head games with them to get what you want?
Not all ASD people have good compassionate and emotional empathy.
Someone with antisocial personality would not. Even if they are also on the spectrum.
Those are all good questions to be honest with yourself about.
And if you have always been this way from the start.

There is a short way of stating the difference between sociopathy and psychopathy:
Sociopaths are made. (trauma and abuse). Psychopaths are born. (that's just how their brains are wired.)
So the nature or nurture is very true if you are wondering about either of these personalities.

Change is more possible with Antisocial since trauma created the personality to react in this way.
Psychopathy is hard wired, but, it doesn't mean you are going to act out some bad impulses.
Most don't. They just don't feel the compassionate emotional empathy.

 

[Sarah S]

Like you im sad to say i havent always been this sweet and caring girl you all meet in here Quite the opesite actually as my defense spikes were always ready to get up and defend my self and like you lets just say my childhood SUCKED as has life in general . BUT like you i have learnt to develop my self so its indeed possible for us to learn how to become more compassionate and nice etc...

If you feel you might have other diagnosis & are concerned about them you should ask for a new evaluation reg this diagnosis.

I have actually been a close friend to a REEL( i dident know that at the time tho ) Psychopath and from what ive red so far from you you STILL DONT strike me as one (Broken /lost soul like me yes Psychopath /sociopath HECK no (if you were you wouldn't be concerned about if you indeed hurt or manipulate or lied to others )

Psychopath vs. Sociopath: What’s the Difference? | HealthyPlace

 

[stewdog80]

Hey guys,

Right off the bat, sorry! This is a weird topic to bring up, and I don't mean to imply that autism is connected to antisocial personality disorder. Especially because, as we all know, people with ASD have an enormous capacity for emotional and compassionate empathy.

I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at age 17. I was in a secure facility at the time, and my primary stated goal was to build social skills. I had a history of juvenile delinquency, although I would never have self conceptualized in that way. I would point out that I was very polite, and that I was not a thief, and brush completely over several seriously damaging assaults, and even one instance of arson, before the age of 12.

I've been trying very hard for many years to become the person I most want to be - so far I am succeeding! I am generally very happy, and I have changed profoundly. I've scrapped myself for parts many times over to be the way I am now, which is a fairly pleasant person to be around.

Actually, I've noticed that as my social skills have improved through vigorous restructuring, people at my recent jobs actually find me charming. My coworkers. My bosses. Even my customers. Everyone likes me. I make them feel good, and yet I don't feel much in return.

Actually, I don't get close to anyone period. I will think I want to talk to them, and within seconds of listening to them speak, realize I don't care and that I'm bored. I understand intuitively that this is rude and selfish, and I try my best not to show how impatient I feel.

I just simply don't resonate with people. They feel happy? Okay. Sad? Got it. But I don't see it, and I don't feel it. And frankly, most of the time I feel neither myself.

But not all of the time. How strange is that? If I had never ever felt remorse, I guess the matter would be clean cut. But what if you've seldom felt remorse? I have felt profound guilt, humiliation, and regret.

My self awareness is broken. And my empathy is even more broken. I evaluate myself in hindsight, through the perspective of the experiences I've gained through time. It has improved, and not without incident, but I am still constantly growing.

I wonder if what I am is actually related to ASD after all? When my psychiatrist met with me at that time, I was much worse than I am now, at 25. If it's a matter of nature or nurture? Am I predisposed to be this way, and my early childhood laid the groundwork? I had bad, but not horrible, childhood. There was material neglect and my dad was gone. My mom never wanted to be in a room with me too long. (Can you blame her though?) And yet even though they were flawed, I think it might be a cop out to blame my parents.

Well, if you got this far, thank you for reading, and I'm truly grateful.

Let me know what you think, and be brutal if that's what feels right.

As far as not caring what people say or do, you are just over analyzing. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about and It's natural, it is who you are. You feel what others feel just fine just not to the same extent. Are you on psych meds? Those will make you completely numb to others feelings as well. When I was on a ssri, I had crippling depression and was contemplating some very psychopathic things but it was just the meds, the narcotics and booze, there is nothing wrong with me. You said you are doing better with social skills. How do you learn better social skills? What methods do you use?

 

[Monachopia]

Actually, I don't get close to anyone period. I will think I want to talk to them, and within seconds of listening to them speak, realize I don't care and that I'm bored. I understand intuitively that this is rude and selfish, and I try my best not to show how impatient I feel.

I just simply don't resonate with people. They feel happy? Okay. Sad? Got it. But I don't see it, and I don't feel it. And frankly, most of the time I feel neither myself.

I've had this exact thing for a long time. I don't care about people most of the time, the ones around me. Their lives don't really matter and I guess that's why I don't have friends. I can't make myself care - not in a mean way, they are interesting people I'm sure, but I can't focus on it somehow. It's got worse as I get older and honestly, I went to my psychiatrist for a diagnosis of Schizotypal Personality Disorder, but he decided that Autism was more likely.

No one can really answer whether this is ASD related or childhood related.. Like yourself, my childhood wasn't awful, but it wasn't good either. ASD is usually mixed up with other things and in varying degrees. I don't think there's a switch for disorders of being either "On" or "Off", but rather it's a slider, maybe one is a little more up than another - maybe so little that it's undiagnosable by a psychiatrist (it's all their opinion anyway), but there might be an element of it. Brains are complicated things and there is no black and white answer to most of these diagnoses types of questions.

 

[Tom]

I don't have any suggestions but just wanted to say you have tried hard and come such a long way. Even if you retain detachment the progress you've made is admirable.

 

[Pinkie B]

I can't relate to most of what you posted, but I can definitely relate to wanting to be friendly and even going through the motions of starting a conversation, and even being good at it and knowing I made the other person feel good, and then feeling like I got absolutely nothing out of it when it's over. Like I was some third party observer to the whole interaction and it completely had nothing to do with me. I get bored, too, almost immediately after asking someone about their day or anything unless it's one of my interests.

 

[BraidedPony]

I think if you are worried that your humanity isn't up to par, then you don't have AsPD. Because if you did, you wouldn't care if you were a good person or not.
Of course you can blame your parents! Maternal neglect is very very painful.
I don't know if you are ASD or AsPD, but you are a survivor and I'm impressed by you.

 

[Pats]

But not all of the time. How strange is that? If I had never ever felt remorse, I guess the matter would be clean cut. But what if you've seldom felt remorse? I have felt profound guilt, humiliation, and regret.

I'm not sure what you are saying here - you defined remorse.

I think many of us do get bored easily trying to listen to someone drone on about things that we have no interest in. I think the subject matter has a lot to do with it, and I think how you feel about the person doing the talking has an equal play in whether you find it interesting.

With or without autism, how you're raised plays a big part of who we become. We are born who we are, but our parents also mold and shape us, so the two things are combined. Your comment about your mom not wanting to be in the same room with you is something that would influence how you feel about yourself. One thing that stood out with me is that I always felt that my mom was disgusted by me because she couldn't touch me. We were playing a game with my niece and my mom picked a card that said braid the hair of the person on your left (that was me) or take a pimple. She chose to take a pimple. I felt like she was so disgusted with me that she couldn't even touch me in a game. Now I realize, she may have also been on the spectrum so it probably had more to do with her than me, but for years I carried that around with me and let it affect who I was or what I thought of myself.

I spent a lot of time in my past trying to decide if I had some type of personality disorder or social disorder but there was always a lot of maybe's maybe not things. I could relate a little bit to this but not to that. It was only when I was reading about female aspergers that EVERYTHING clicked. There's going to be some traits in about anything that we could probably relate to, but it's more how many of those traits and the degree of which those traits affects your life. I agree with @BraidedPony - if you care, it probably isn't a personality disorder. You care and you're nice, and it sounds like you've come a long way. I know you will continue to search for answers, but also take pride in how far you've come and the strength you've shown in dealing with life battles.

 

[Nauti]

Is being honest something important to you?
If you enjoy lying to people and manipulating, then, maybe, you have ASPD.

My experience with those likely to be diagnosable with ASPD is that they don't try to do "the right thing", they only bother to, when they can't get away with not doing it.

They often feel they are superior to other people.

They get a rush from what is coined "Duper's delight" and will lie by default.

A sense of power over other people is important to them, other's are seen as simply tools or prey, to exploit, and hurting other people doesn't matter, in fact sadistic people with ASPD enjoy causing pain to other's.

Having power over, and predating on other's, is a driving motivation, for all those, with this personality disorder.

It is true that there can be a comorbidity of Aspergers traits or neural issues with narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder and anti social personality disorder, which often develop due to significant developmental trauma and/or neglect and certain personality types.

I know this because of close family members who fit the profile.

They can still develop "social" moral codes and work through their character deficits, but they need to develop honesty with themselves and put a lot of cognitive-behavioural work into changing their behaviours.

The key is wanting to change and being excruciatingly honest and getting good cognitive behavioural support.

Disordered attachment is a part of all these PD's so learning to develop a secure attachment is also key.

You don't really have to like people, you just have to want to learn to treat them well enough. If you already do, then you wouldn't be diagnosable with ASPD.

 

[VAW]

Hey guys,

Right off the bat, sorry! This is a weird topic to bring up, and I don't mean to imply that autism is connected to antisocial personality disorder. Especially because, as we all know, people with ASD have an enormous capacity for emotional and compassionate empathy.

I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at age 17. I was in a secure facility at the time, and my primary stated goal was to build social skills. I had a history of juvenile delinquency, although I would never have self conceptualized in that way. I would point out that I was very polite, and that I was not a thief, and brush completely over several seriously damaging assaults, and even one instance of arson, before the age of 12.

I've been trying very hard for many years to become the person I most want to be - so far I am succeeding! I am generally very happy, and I have changed profoundly. I've scrapped myself for parts many times over to be the way I am now, which is a fairly pleasant person to be around.

Actually, I've noticed that as my social skills have improved through vigorous restructuring, people at my recent jobs actually find me charming. My coworkers. My bosses. Even my customers. Everyone likes me. I make them feel good, and yet I don't feel much in return.

Actually, I don't get close to anyone period. I will think I want to talk to them, and within seconds of listening to them speak, realize I don't care and that I'm bored. I understand intuitively that this is rude and selfish, and I try my best not to show how impatient I feel.

I just simply don't resonate with people. They feel happy? Okay. Sad? Got it. But I don't see it, and I don't feel it. And frankly, most of the time I feel neither myself.

But not all of the time. How strange is that? If I had never ever felt remorse, I guess the matter would be clean cut. But what if you've seldom felt remorse? I have felt profound guilt, humiliation, and regret.

My self awareness is broken. And my empathy is even more broken. I evaluate myself in hindsight, through the perspective of the experiences I've gained through time. It has improved, and not without incident, but I am still constantly growing.

I wonder if what I am is actually related to ASD after all? When my psychiatrist met with me at that time, I was much worse than I am now, at 25. If it's a matter of nature or nurture? Am I predisposed to be this way, and my early childhood laid the groundwork? I had bad, but not horrible, childhood. There was material neglect and my dad was gone. My mom never wanted to be in a room with me too long. (Can you blame her though?) And yet even though they were flawed, I think it might be a cop out to blame my parents.

Well, if you got this far, thank you for reading, and I'm truly grateful.

Let me know what you think, and be brutal if that's what feels right.

You sound so much like my son....he was diagnosed with ASD, plus avoidant personality disorder, and very high anxiety. He doesn't talk unless he has something to say, he said he can't understand small talk, it seems pointless to him. Life to him is empty and pointless. He had a connection with a girl for 10 years and one day she just stopped talking to him, I guess she went on with her life, however when she left, my son felt life had no meaning at all. He doesn't know why he continues to try and live a life so empty. I tell him that maybe she will come back or maybe he will find someone but he doesn't even want to hear that. You said people at work like you... it is the same for him, he attracts people which to him is more of a curse, his good looks win people over .. his personality is kind but he almost looks stuck up, I guess because he doesn't really talk to anyone so people think he thinks because of his looks he is too good for them maybe. I don't know... one thing I do know is ASD is very misunderstood in the average person who doesn't have it. We don't really understand the way the brain processes things outside of our own brain. I do wish more people would understand this, but even I have a hard time knowing just how my son feels.

 

[stewdog80]

@VAW your son sounds like me to a T. The only difference is I did well enough in school and functioned well enough that I was not suspected by anyone to be AS. I really wish people had suspected me of being AS because I would've had a fair chance maybe, I would've been pushed to get through college with accommodations for me having autism . My life is excruciating. I hate how the majority of people just bumble their way through life on their social acumen and have success and we are forced to work low paying jobs or be on welfare. I don't know how to be positive when I feel like I've already lost. Or why I should care.

 

[VAW]

@VAW your son sounds like me to a T. The only difference is I did well enough in school and functioned well enough that I was not suspected by anyone to be AS. I really wish people had suspected me of being AS because I would've had a fair chance maybe, I would've been pushed to get through college with accommodations for me having autism . My life is excruciating. I hate how the majority of people just bumble their way through life on their social acumen and have success and we are forced to work low paying jobs or be on welfare. I don't know how to be positive when I feel like I've already lost. Or why I should care.

Yes, I hear my son say that all the time, what is the point, nothing ever changes... I really do not know what I can do to help him. It is always negatives. I hear some people say they have empathy and love, it seems like my son is so empty inside, like he can't love, and there is no point to do anything. He said he doesn't even know why he gets out of bed, or takes care of his looks with nice clothes and hair cuts etc..I don't know if depression hits him? if it is just the ASD, or what to do? This site has really helped me some in just realizing that is the normal way for most people with ASD. As far as anything that can really help there doesn't seem to be anything. It breaks my heart that people have to live their lives feeling this way. I missed every sign there was, I thought he was just shy, and at times he was just being an A-hole, not answering people or saying hello, I thought he was just being lazy.... of course he does have UC also which causes him to stay inside close to the bathroom, and he has been hospitalized because he almost bled out. I took care of that more then even knowing he had ASD until a doctor mentioned it a couple of years ago and we had him tested. What is life like? Does it ever get better?

 

[Sarah S]

="VAW, post: 619721, member: 21912"]Yes, I hear my son say that all the time, what is the point, nothing ever changes... I really do not know what I can do to help him.

" From what i can see doing a search on said avoidant personality disorder

There are different treatments for this aperantly

Treatment consists of therapy
Talk therapy is the main treatment. Drugs, including antidepressants, may help some symptoms.


Therapies
Cognitive behavioral therapy, Desensitization, and Psychotherapy


Medications
Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) and Sedative

Specialists
Clinical psychologist and Psychiatrist"

It is always negatives. I hear some people say they have empathy and love, it seems like my son is so empty inside, like he can't love, and there is no point to do anything.

" Its all highly individual & OF COURSE he can love and its most defenetly a point of doing things. Its just in his case he needs someone to TEACH him and guide him how to to this and someone with knowledge and acceptance of said diagnose "

He said he doesn't even know why he gets out of bed, or takes care of his looks with nice clothes and hair cuts etc..I don't know if depression hits him?

" From my side id say he defenetly show MAJOR signs of SEVERE depression (also one of the co occurring diagnosis to ASD) & with us it actually dont matter if we were rich beyond our wildest dreams had a LOVELY family and lifes was a bed of roses when this depression attacks come at us everything is as black as can be and nothing is worth diddly"

if it is just the ASD, or what to do?

" Its NOT just the ASD its both the ASD as well as the AVPD and Anxiety and most possible Depression disorder combined "

This site has really helped me some in just realizing that is the normal way for most people with ASD. As far as anything that can really help there doesn't seem to be anything.

" There is ALLOT of help to be had for any of said diagnosis its just that you cant be afraid to look or ask for it "

It breaks my heart that people have to live their lives feeling this way. I missed every sign there was, I thought he was just shy, and at times he was just being an A-hole, not answering people or saying hello, I thought he was just being lazy....

" You did what you thought was the correct way and NOONE should blame you ( My mom that defenetly made a ton of mistakes when i was young when more better suited help was offerd and she refused to send me away . BUT i DONT blame her for any of it as she did what SHE thought was the best "

of course he does have UC also which causes him to stay inside close to the bathroom, and he has been hospitalized because he almost bled out.

" That sounds terrible ( Im Severe Double IC Mix my self) , couldn't he accept proper IC pads as aid so he dont have to stay close to the bathroom ? "

I took care of that more then even knowing he had ASD until a doctor mentioned it a couple of years ago and we had him tested.

What is life like? Does it ever get better?

" Life is pretty mush what YOU youre self are willing to do of it id say, Shore i have my down periods when everything is just crap and why bother what do i have to live for etc... And this is part of my life with MY diagnosis . BUT whats VITAL in everyone case is to first ACCEPT youre diagnosis and then be willing to try to ADAPT to it as best as you can with what you got to work with and then try to get on with life .

" The easiest way is to just dont accept and feeling sorry for youre self blaming others ,start too isolate youre self from the world and just continue to self pitty all the time so why even continue living and just end it (YES ive been there so i know and this is NOT meant as a attack or criticism to anyone)

The RIGHT and productive and most defenetly the HARDEST way is to try to understand youre diagnosis and LEARN about them and try to find a way to adapt and do the best thing possible with what you got to work with in life and do whatever you canto achieve those goals. and also ACCEPT and DEMAND and ASK for help

ALL my life i have been fighting an uphill battle against all ods and not that many thought i would go as far as i did go either (ie i was a long haul trucker wich was my lifegoal from when i was VERY little ) BUT i did it & i DIDENT GIVE UP i continued against all ods towards my goal (sadly i was forded to step down due to my diagnosis + nearly 17 + hours 5 days week nearly killed me. BUT i MADE it tho and i was Accepted and LIKED as a driver. & l left that job with my head up high

So what im trying to say is REGARDLESS of youre diagnosis DONT just give up ! "

 

[VAW]

="VAW, post: 619721, member: 21912"]Yes, I hear my son say that all the time, what is the point, nothing ever changes... I really do not know what I can do to help him.

" From what i can see doing a search on said avoidant personality disorder

There are different treatments for this aperantly

Treatment consists of therapy
Talk therapy is the main treatment. Drugs, including antidepressants, may help some symptoms.


Therapies
Cognitive behavioral therapy, Desensitization, and Psychotherapy


Medications
Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) and Sedative

Specialists
Clinical psychologist and Psychiatrist"

It is always negatives. I hear some people say they have empathy and love, it seems like my son is so empty inside, like he can't love, and there is no point to do anything.

" Its all highly individual & OF COURSE he can love and its most defenetly a point of doing things. Its just in his case he needs someone to TEACH him and guide him how to to this and someone with knowledge and acceptance of said diagnose "

He said he doesn't even know why he gets out of bed, or takes care of his looks with nice clothes and hair cuts etc..I don't know if depression hits him?

" From my side id say he defenetly show MAJOR signs of SEVERE depression (also one of the co occurring diagnosis to ASD) & with us it actually dont matter if we were rich beyond our wildest dreams had a LOVELY family and lifes was a bed of roses when this depression attacks come at us everything is as black as can be and nothing is worth diddly"

if it is just the ASD, or what to do?

" Its NOT just the ASD its both the ASD as well as the AVPD and Anxiety and most possible Depression disorder combined "

This site has really helped me some in just realizing that is the normal way for most people with ASD. As far as anything that can really help there doesn't seem to be anything.

" There is ALLOT of help to be had for any of said diagnosis its just that you cant be afraid to look or ask for it "

It breaks my heart that people have to live their lives feeling this way. I missed every sign there was, I thought he was just shy, and at times he was just being an A-hole, not answering people or saying hello, I thought he was just being lazy....

" You did what you thought was the correct way and NOONE should blame you ( My mom that defenetly made a ton of mistakes when i was young when more better suited help was offerd and she refused to send me away . BUT i DONT blame her for any of it as she did what SHE thought was the best "

of course he does have UC also which causes him to stay inside close to the bathroom, and he has been hospitalized because he almost bled out.

" That sounds terrible ( Im Severe Double IC Mix my self) , couldn't he accept proper IC pads as aid so he dont have to stay close to the bathroom ? "

I took care of that more then even knowing he had ASD until a doctor mentioned it a couple of years ago and we had him tested.

What is life like? Does it ever get better?

" Life is pretty mush what YOU youre self are willing to do of it id say, Shore i have my down periods when everything is just crap and why bother what do i have to live for etc... and this is part of my life with MY diagnosis . BUT whats VITAL in everyone case is to first ACCEPT youre diagnosis and then be willing to try to ADAPT to it as best as you can with what you got to work with and then try to get on with life .

" The easiest way is to just dont accept and feeling sorry for youre self blaming others ,start too isolate youre self from the world and just continue to self pitty all the time so why even continue living and just end it (YES ive been there so i know and this is NOT meant as a attack or criticism to anyone)

The RIGHT and productive and most defenetly the HARDEST way is to try to understand youre diagnosis and LEARN about them and try to find a way to adapt and do the best thing possible with what you got to work with in life and do whatever you can to achieve those goals. and also ACCEPT and DEMAND and ASK for help

ALL my life i have been fighting an uphill battle against all ods and not that many thought i would go as far as i did go either (ie i was a long haul trucker wich was my life goal from when i was VERY little ) BUT i did it why i DIDENT GIVE UP i continued against all ods towards my goal (sadly i was forded to step down due to my diagnosis + nearly 17 + hours 5 days week nearly killed me. BUT i MADE it tho and i was Accepted and LIKED as a driver. & l left that job with my head up high

So what im trying to say is REGARDLESS of youre diagnosis DONT just give up ! "

Thank you Sarah I have met some really nice people. Susan I met on here is probably a friend I will have for life.... I do appreciate everyone. IT does help to read all on here. Some days I just feel so bad for my son and all who have to deal with this.... I can't imagine having feelings of doom or gloom, nothing matters and there is no reason to live. IT really breaks my heart! Even though he had some of these feelings when his girl left him it all caved in on him, he felt they would always be together, so now he has no reason to live. I wish I could just either get her back for him or have him meet someone nice and he lives a happy life. I know with ASD that possibly won't happen. The hard part is that he is in such a mood that he probably wouldn't even go in for help, and I can't make him. He is 6'3" so it isn't like a little kid I could make go to the doctor or for therapy. He wouldn't even go on this site. When I tell him some things about what other aspy's say he says, why are you telling me this? I don't care how other people feel, they aren't me! He will come over every Tuesday with his brother and all my kids get together and play their video games and he will laugh and seem to have fun, sometimes kid around...then that night when he goes home he will text me how he hates life, he wasn't meant to live, and he is giving up, he doesn't want to try anymore etc.... He is on some anti-anxiety pills, plus his UC pills. No matter what he does it just seems he doesn't enjoy himself on the inside, only on the outside for show? Nothing seems to help

 

[Sarah S]

="VAW, post: 619846, member: 21912"]Thank you Sarah I have met some really nice people. Susan I met on here is probably a friend I will have for life.... I do appreciate everyone. IT does help to read all on here.

" Youre very welkome & im glad if i can somehow be at help"

Some days I just feel so bad for my son and all who have to deal with this.... I can't imagine having feelings of doom or gloom, nothing matters and there is no reason to live.

" Sadly this is part of his AVPD diagnose as i have understood this (resurched it before i replied ) as well as Anxiety & Depression etc.... "


IT really breaks my heart! Even though he had some of these feelings when his girl left him it all caved in on him, he felt they would always be together, so now he has no reason to live. I wish I could just either get her back for him or have him meet someone nice and he lives a happy life.

" Sadly it seems as one of the " problems with this AVPD diagnose so if we take a look at some

• Avoidance of activities at work that involve interpersonal contact due to fear of criticism or rejection
• Unwillingness to interact with others unless certain they will receive a positive response
• Hesitancy in intimate relationships due to fear of shame
• Preoccupation with criticism in social situations
• Feeling inadequate and being inhibited in new social situations
• Perception of self as inept, unappealing, and inferior
• Reluctance to take risks or engage in activities that might result in embarrassment

Id say yes sadly this break up with his GF cruched his heart as he was in his own mind did take a huge risk in open up to her and they were meant to stay together forever. so i can defenetly understand his reluctance to again risk having his heart cruched like this. BUT what he needs is time right now it WILL somehow get easier for him im shore. In many ways he`s diagnose fits what i had up to i was adult which was VERY low self confidence (normal for female ASD ) & i do share many of the other points as well (and NO im NOT AVPD to my knowledge utliest ) "

I know with ASD that possibly won't happen.

" Heres the thing JUST because you have this or other diagnosis DONT automatically doom you to be a Hermite living in a cave up on mountain. true it dont make things easier for us but some of us do find someone in life and managed to get a good and happy life. so just as for others without diagnosis nothing is written in stone"

The hard part is that he is in such a mood that he probably wouldn't even go in for help

" Well perhaps help could come to him if possible have you checked if there is a AVPD support group close to were you live + you say probably so that means you havent yet dared asking him ?

, and I can't make him. He is 6'3" so it isn't like a little kid I could make go to the doctor or for therapy.

" No you cant but you an try to gently use youre mommy tricks to gently push and encourage him to go and see help "


He wouldn't even go on this site. When I tell him some things about what other aspy's say he says, why are you telling me this? I don't care how other people feel, they aren't me!

" He says to you he dont care but do you actually know he`s not in here checking this site up without registering"

He will come over every Tuesday with his brother and all my kids get together and play their video games and he will laugh and seem to have fun, sometimes kid around...

" Well that says to me he is actually having fun and enjoys his company "

then that night when he goes home he will text me how he hates life, he wasn't meant to live, and he is giving up, he doesn't want to try anymore etc....

" I can understand this if you try to look at it his way he got to come over to you and have fun with his brother etc... for one day and then have to go home to empty dark apartment /home again. And also that he text you means he TRUST you and he reaches out to you and in reality he screems out for help. (how can i know this ? simple i did the same with my mom ALL my life ,sadly she got Alzheimer roughly 10 years back and i had to step of her life after 5 due to both our sakes and move to the background), what i also can say from being SEVERELY suicidal since i was young (check my profile and sig and you see i have a TON of diagnosis ) he DONT whant to give up nor take suicide this is again a good sign that he reaches out to you . Its if he stops texting you or coming over etc... THEN its dangerous. "

He is on some anti-anxiety pills

" Okey well its pretty clear to me those meds dont help and he needs to somehow be persuaded to go see the docs again. i just actually find this info AVPD

Avoidant Personality Disorder: Causes, Symptoms and Treatments

And in there it says reg treatment

Treatment for Avoidant Personality Disorder
People with avoidant personality disorder may seek treatment because they want to build stronger relationships and reduce the amount of distress they experience at public or at work. Treating any personality disorder can be difficult, as many of the symptoms have been experienced by an individual for many years.

Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, is the primary avoidant personality disorder treatment. Psychotherapy may include cognitive-behavioral therapy, which focuses on reducing negative thought patterns and building social skills. Sometimes group therapy is used to help people with similar challenges and create a safe space to build solid relationships. Family therapy can also prove useful so that family members understand the condition and can provide a supportive environment that promotes growth and healthy risk-taking.

reg the meds There is little to no research demonstrating the effectiveness of medication in treating avoidant personality disorder. "

, plus his UC pills.

" Okey yes i can defenetly understand how that diagnoce might complicate things even further for him "

No matter what he does it just seems he doesn't enjoy himself on the inside, only on the outside for show? Nothing seems to help

" I can understand how you might feel this way and indeed he has rough life. but you dont know this for shore as i said i would say when he comes over to you with his brother and they play video games and just hang out he actually DO enjoy his life its the rest of the time when home suffering from his UC and ASD & AVPD etc.. that drags him down 24 /7 draining his energy that is the problem & for that he really needs to somehow be convinced that there is help to be found but he needs to dare take that first step and be willing to do the work required forgetting the help = ie be willing to recive the help & FIGHT for his own well being "

 

[VAW]

="VAW, post: 619846, member: 21912"]Thank you Sarah I have met some really nice people. Susan I met on here is probably a friend I will have for life.... I do appreciate everyone. IT does help to read all on here.

" Youre very welkome & im glad if i can somehow be at help"

Some days I just feel so bad for my son and all who have to deal with this.... I can't imagine having feelings of doom or gloom, nothing matters and there is no reason to live.

" Sadly this is part of his AVPD diagnose as i have understood this (resurched it before i replied ) as well as Anxiety & Depression etc.... "


IT really breaks my heart! Even though he had some of these feelings when his girl left him it all caved in on him, he felt they would always be together, so now he has no reason to live. I wish I could just either get her back for him or have him meet someone nice and he lives a happy life.

" Sadly it seems as one of the " problems with this AVPD diagnose so if we take a look at some

• Avoidance of activities at work that involve interpersonal contact due to fear of criticism or rejection
• Unwillingness to interact with others unless certain they will receive a positive response
• Hesitancy in intimate relationships due to fear of shame
• Preoccupation with criticism in social situations
• Feeling inadequate and being inhibited in new social situations
• Perception of self as inept, unappealing, and inferior
• Reluctance to take risks or engage in activities that might result in embarrassment

Id say yes sadly this break up with his GF cruched his heart as he was in his own mind did take a huge risk in open up to her and they were meant to stay together forever. so i can defenetly understand his reluctance to again risk having his heart cruched like this. BUT what he needs is time right now it WILL somehow get easier for him im shore. In many ways he`s diagnose fits what i had up to i was adult which was VERY low self confidence (normal for female ASD ) & i do share many of the other points as well (and NO im NOT AVPD to my knowledge utliest ) "

I know with ASD that possibly won't happen.

" Heres the thing JUST because you have this or other diagnosis DONT automatically doom you to be a Hermite living in a cave up on mountain. true it dont make things easier for us but some of us do find someone in life and managed to get a good and happy life. so just as for others without diagnosis nothing is written in stone"

The hard part is that he is in such a mood that he probably wouldn't even go in for help

" Well perhaps help could come to him if possible have you checked if there is a AVPD support group close to were you live + you say probably so that means you havent yet dared asking him ?

, and I can't make him. He is 6'3" so it isn't like a little kid I could make go to the doctor or for therapy.

" No you cant but you an try to gently use youre mommy tricks to gently push and encourage him to go and see help "


He wouldn't even go on this site. When I tell him some things about what other aspy's say he says, why are you telling me this? I don't care how other people feel, they aren't me!

" He says to you he dont care but do you actually know he`s not in here checking this site up without registering"

He will come over every Tuesday with his brother and all my kids get together and play their video games and he will laugh and seem to have fun, sometimes kid around...

" Well that says to me he is actually having fun and enjoys his company "

then that night when he goes home he will text me how he hates life, he wasn't meant to live, and he is giving up, he doesn't want to try anymore etc....

" I can understand this if you try to look at it his way he got to come over to you and have fun with his brother etc... for one day and then have to go home to empty dark apartment /home again. And also that he text you means he TRUST you and he reaches out to you and in reality he screems out for help. (how can i know this ? simple i did the same with my mom ALL my life ,sadly she got Alzheimer roughly 10 years back and i had to step of her life after 5 due to both our sakes and move to the background), what i also can say from being SEVERELY suicidal since i was young (check my profile and sig and you see i have a TON of diagnosis ) he DONT whant to give up nor take suicide this is again a good sign that he reaches out to you . Its if he stops texting you or coming over etc... THEN its dangerous. "

He is on some anti-anxiety pills

" Okey well its pretty clear to me those meds dont help and he needs to somehow be persuaded to go see the docs again. i just actually find this info AVPD

Avoidant Personality Disorder: Causes, Symptoms and Treatments

And in there it says reg treatment

Treatment for Avoidant Personality Disorder
People with avoidant personality disorder may seek treatment because they want to build stronger relationships and reduce the amount of distress they experience at public or at work. Treating any personality disorder can be difficult, as many of the symptoms have been experienced by an individual for many years.

Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, is the primary avoidant personality disorder treatment. Psychotherapy may include cognitive-behavioral therapy, which focuses on reducing negative thought patterns and building social skills. Sometimes group therapy is used to help people with similar challenges and create a safe space to build solid relationships. Family therapy can also prove useful so that family members understand the condition and can provide a supportive environment that promotes growth and healthy risk-taking.

reg the meds There is little to no research demonstrating the effectiveness of medication in treating avoidant personality disorder. "

, plus his UC pills.

" Okey yes i can defenetly understand how that diagnoce might complicate things even further for him "

No matter what he does it just seems he doesn't enjoy himself on the inside, only on the outside for show? Nothing seems to help

" I can understand how you might feel this way and indeed he has rough life. but you dont know this for shore as i said i would say when he comes over to you with his brother and they play video games and just hang out he actually DO enjoy his life its the rest of the time when home suffering from his UC and ASD & AVPD etc.. that drags him down 24 /7 draining his energy that is the problem & for that he really needs to somehow be convinced that there is help to be found but he needs to dare take that first step and be willing to do the work required forgetting the help = ie be willing to recive the help & FIGHT for his own well being "

All good advise... I think some of the trouble is I have 5 kids (adults) and I work, and I take care of my mother who is 87 when I can. (helping her) Also 3 years ago I had to take care of my father before he died, and then my uncle passed away almost a year ago and I took care of him so my time is limited for my son who probably needs my help the most. Things got put on hold so to speak for him. November of this last year is when his girlfriend stopped talking to him, then would come on for a few times texting him and then nothing, I think she tried to ease him off. So things have gotten worst for him just recently.
He will say things like I am no one. I said you are very talented, why not do your writings and we can make a book? He will say no, that is too much work. Or I say you have so much talent and he will say I am nobody, things will never change, why bother, why try? this world means nothing to me, I shouldn't have been born, I am not capable of feelings I feel nothing! I said so you felt nothing for your girlfriend? You didn't love her? He said only in my way. I said if you felt nothing then it wouldn't have bothered you not to be with her! You can feel something, maybe not to an extreme but you have feelings.... everything I say on a positive note, ends up a negative note to him.
He has seen a therapist in the past, and I do think he needs to talk to one again, however I can not seem to get him to go. He will say nothing changes, nothing helps. Everything is always negative. It does scare me even though he is not suicidal, he had told me that when he almost died he was just going to lay there and die, he didn't want to live, however that girl convinced him to go to the doctor so he went for her. Otherwise he would have preferred to die. So in my head I think if he had the chance again would he take it? It does break my heart thinking about this.