="VAW, post: 620145, member: 21912"]All good advise... I think some of the trouble is I have 5 kids (adults) and I work, and I take care of my mother who is 87 when I can. (helping her) Also 3 years ago I had to take care of my father before he died, and then my uncle passed away almost a year ago and I took care of him so my time is limited for my son who probably needs my help the most.
" Thank you oh please dont take any of my statements as i mean you are doing things wrong as thats NOT what i meant. I have complete and utter understanding you do everything you can .Hence i was pushing you need to acept that you CANT do everything for him and you need help and shouldent feel like youre neglecting youre son "
Things got put on hold so to speak for him.
" I compleatly understand & you sound like my mom before she got Alzheimer she sacrificed ALLOT for me as well and she as well as you deserve a GOLD star for it "
November of this last year is when his girlfriend stopped talking to him, then would come on for a few times texting him and then nothing, I think she tried to ease him off. So things have gotten worst for him just recently.
" A okey so in his mind id say its pretty frech then "
He will say things like I am no one.
" yeah that what comes from SEVERELY low self esteem & depression i was the same "
I said you are very talented, why not do your writings and we can make a book? He will say no, that is too much work. Or I say you have so much talent and he will say I am nobody, things will never change, why bother, why try? this world means nothing to me, I shouldn't have been born, I am not capable of feelings I feel nothing!
" Classic Depression symptoms been thru them all "
I said so you felt nothing for your girlfriend? You didn't love her? He said only in my way. I said if you felt nothing then it wouldn't have bothered you not to be with her! You can feel something, maybe not to an extreme but you have feelings.... everything I say on a positive note, ends up a negative note to him.
" What you have to understand is he has probably built up his own protection bubble and in his own little safety cocoon he can spin and manipulate things so that HE can feel safe about it (again been there done that ) + YOU think youre negative to him but he probably DONT take it negatively . Yes he defends him self and word out matters in negative tone BUT thats probably to protect him self. TRUST me on this if he felt you were negative to him he wouldn't keep coming to you like he obviously does (you`d be amazed how mush crap my dear sweet mother had to take from me over the years
) . You see YOU are the only one that he as far as i can see this based on my own diagnosis and how i work feels comfortable and trust to share this things with so sadly for you you also get the negative stuff as well as the good of course. So you should feel honerd that he indeed respect you and values youre efforts "
He has seen a therapist in the past, and I do think he needs to talk to one again
" I agree (ive been dealing with the so called pro`s since i was 4 (born 71 ) so sadly back then they dident know diddly about any of this diagnosis so i cant say i got mush help BUT these days its a different story of course "
, however I can not seem to get him to go. He will say nothing changes, nothing helps. Everything is always negative.
" Thats defenetly a problem . The problem is he´s so far down alredy that its VERY hard to get up (i should know as ive lost count on how many DEEP depressions i have been thru in my life) BUT believe it or not for every depression you mange to get out of the stronger you become and learn to get back from them again but of course with his diagnosis its not easy "
It does scare me even though he is not suicidal, he had told me that when he almost died he was just going to lay there and die, he didn't want to live, however that girl convinced him to go to the doctor so he went for her. Otherwise he would have preferred to die. So in my head I think if he had the chance again would he take it?
" What i can say is its ONE thing to talk /think & plan about Suicide and how ready you are and so on (again im talking from personal experience ) BUT when its time to actually take that final step its NOT (thank god ) that easy. Id say IF he dont accept some help yes sadly the risk does occur BUT based on that he hasent YET id still say he DONT wont to do it. When we`re that far down in our depression if things being allowed to continue to down spiral in to the dark pit so to say without being able to see some light in the tunnel then sadly the risk does increase (my latest DOWN period was actually 2 years back when pretty mush my whole life finally crumbled and i couldn't take any more and BELIVE me i was SO close everything was alredy planned and my good friend was even so concerned he called me EVERY day just to check i was still here. And i was as i said VERY close (and as in earlier periods the only thing stopping me was my pets & my SEVERE stubbornes ) BUT i managed to with both his support and my own STUBBORNES get back again and havent looked back since . What im trying to say here s you DONT need to be with him 24 /7 just show him youre THERE for him when he needs you (be it by text,Phone,or of course from time to time in person) Those that actually take the final step are those that secludes them self and isolate them self from EVERYONE and in TOTAL.
Further more IF he (which i actually still doght based on what you said so far about him) were to someday take that step then its NOT youre fault it is HIS choice sad as it is. You cant be there protecting him 24 / 7 "
It does break my heart thinking about this.
" I compleatly understand The problem is you CANT force him to accept the help all you can do is try to convince him that he has not mush more to loose then give it a shot (you can angle that to him when he says whats the use,nothing will change , i just dont want to live anymore) if he feels this way then what does he got to loose to give this a chance ?
I would also add this based on what you said about youre son he reminds of SO mush about my self when i was younger in that he´s WAY more stronger mentally then you might believe because he wasent he would alredy be gone. Its no question that he have gotten the short end of the life stick in general But is also clear to me that he like me is NOT willing to just lay down and accept defeat, he fights with everything he has to somehow continue his fight against all his diagnosis BUT its also clear he needs help and support from the medical professions as well as the support he alredy has from you and his family "
" Thank you oh please dont take any of my statements as i mean you are doing things wrong as thats NOT what i meant. I have complete and utter understanding you do everything you can .Hence i was pushing you need to acept that you CANT do everything for him and you need help and shouldent feel like youre neglecting youre son "
Things got put on hold so to speak for him.
" I compleatly understand & you sound like my mom before she got Alzheimer she sacrificed ALLOT for me as well and she as well as you deserve a GOLD star for it "
November of this last year is when his girlfriend stopped talking to him, then would come on for a few times texting him and then nothing, I think she tried to ease him off. So things have gotten worst for him just recently.
" A okey so in his mind id say its pretty frech then "
He will say things like I am no one.
" yeah that what comes from SEVERELY low self esteem & depression i was the same "
I said you are very talented, why not do your writings and we can make a book? He will say no, that is too much work. Or I say you have so much talent and he will say I am nobody, things will never change, why bother, why try? this world means nothing to me, I shouldn't have been born, I am not capable of feelings I feel nothing!
" Classic Depression symptoms been thru them all "
I said so you felt nothing for your girlfriend? You didn't love her? He said only in my way. I said if you felt nothing then it wouldn't have bothered you not to be with her! You can feel something, maybe not to an extreme but you have feelings.... everything I say on a positive note, ends up a negative note to him.
" What you have to understand is he has probably built up his own protection bubble and in his own little safety cocoon he can spin and manipulate things so that HE can feel safe about it (again been there done that ) + YOU think youre negative to him but he probably DONT take it negatively . Yes he defends him self and word out matters in negative tone BUT thats probably to protect him self. TRUST me on this if he felt you were negative to him he wouldn't keep coming to you like he obviously does (you`d be amazed how mush crap my dear sweet mother had to take from me over the years
) . You see YOU are the only one that he as far as i can see this based on my own diagnosis and how i work feels comfortable and trust to share this things with so sadly for you you also get the negative stuff as well as the good of course. So you should feel honerd that he indeed respect you and values youre efforts "He has seen a therapist in the past, and I do think he needs to talk to one again
" I agree (ive been dealing with the so called pro`s since i was 4 (born 71 ) so sadly back then they dident know diddly about any of this diagnosis so i cant say i got mush help BUT these days its a different story of course "
, however I can not seem to get him to go. He will say nothing changes, nothing helps. Everything is always negative.
" Thats defenetly a problem . The problem is he´s so far down alredy that its VERY hard to get up (i should know as ive lost count on how many DEEP depressions i have been thru in my life) BUT believe it or not for every depression you mange to get out of the stronger you become and learn to get back from them again but of course with his diagnosis its not easy "
It does scare me even though he is not suicidal, he had told me that when he almost died he was just going to lay there and die, he didn't want to live, however that girl convinced him to go to the doctor so he went for her. Otherwise he would have preferred to die. So in my head I think if he had the chance again would he take it?
" What i can say is its ONE thing to talk /think & plan about Suicide and how ready you are and so on (again im talking from personal experience ) BUT when its time to actually take that final step its NOT (thank god ) that easy. Id say IF he dont accept some help yes sadly the risk does occur BUT based on that he hasent YET id still say he DONT wont to do it. When we`re that far down in our depression if things being allowed to continue to down spiral in to the dark pit so to say without being able to see some light in the tunnel then sadly the risk does increase (my latest DOWN period was actually 2 years back when pretty mush my whole life finally crumbled and i couldn't take any more and BELIVE me i was SO close everything was alredy planned and my good friend was even so concerned he called me EVERY day just to check i was still here. And i was as i said VERY close (and as in earlier periods the only thing stopping me was my pets & my SEVERE stubbornes ) BUT i managed to with both his support and my own STUBBORNES get back again and havent looked back since . What im trying to say here s you DONT need to be with him 24 /7 just show him youre THERE for him when he needs you (be it by text,Phone,or of course from time to time in person) Those that actually take the final step are those that secludes them self and isolate them self from EVERYONE and in TOTAL.
Further more IF he (which i actually still doght based on what you said so far about him) were to someday take that step then its NOT youre fault it is HIS choice sad as it is. You cant be there protecting him 24 / 7
" It does break my heart thinking about this.
" I compleatly understand
The problem is you CANT force him to accept the help all you can do is try to convince him that he has not mush more to loose then give it a shot (you can angle that to him when he says whats the use,nothing will change , i just dont want to live anymore) if he feels this way then what does he got to loose to give this a chance ?I would also add this based on what you said about youre son he reminds of SO mush about my self when i was younger in that he´s WAY more stronger mentally then you might believe because he wasent he would alredy be gone. Its no question that he have gotten the short end of the life stick in general
But is also clear to me that he like me is NOT willing to just lay down and accept defeat, he fights with everything he has to somehow continue his fight against all his diagnosis BUT its also clear he needs help and support from the medical professions as well as the support he alredy has from you and his family "
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