Aspies are just same as everyone?

[OrdinaryCitizen]

And if you thought this post was articulate, as @TheFreeCat said, if you had said this to me in person, I would have stuttered and babbled incoherently, taking long pauses to say umm, would lose my train of thought constantly, if I even had an answer at all.

You just described the girl of my dreams, i wish i could meet one in real life because this is how i am also...
Hiding my true self, trying to blend in and never talking about my problems with others was a name of the game for me as well.

I guess i am having internal battle right now trying to decide if its good thing that i discovered this community or not...

After i joined and read about other people problems i had so many flashbacks about my own past and i see that i am very troublesome person with a lot of conditions.

My social life among NTs was a nightmare so i secluded myself out of anything social completely and focused my life around other non social things.

So i got very depressed in past few days realizing all this. I know i got to sit down and reconsider all my life, this however is very emotionally involved task, and i hate emotional pain.

But if i run away now back in the world i created for myself, i'll feel better, but it wont last long since my life were already in dead end for years.

 

[clg114]

Basically, people on the spectrum process information differently than most people (NTs). I some ways we do not process information as well as other people and in some ways we process information much better. How this affects a person is where it gets complicated. This is mostly because we are all different, autistic or not.

 

[Bolletje]

I understand girls don't care about science or reshaping the world into something better, them discussing day-to day stuff is expected, their life goals are different than guys, like make a family and offspring. I don't judge them, we are just different.

Excuse me? That’s just not true.

 

[Bolletje]

It seems to me like you are projecting your inner demons onto this community. It also seems like you are working with some very rigid and outdated stereotypes. Not all aspies fit the “misunderstood genius” stereotype. Not all Aspies are into technology. Aspies are as varied as neurotypicals. That counts for female aspies too. Being into other stuff than technology doesn’t make an Aspie less autistic. Learning to communicate or being able to blend in well enough to function in society doesn’t make an Aspie less autistic either.
For many people, the choice has been to either adapt or be shunned. Does adapting mean we struggle less? No, I don’t think so. Does it make us any less autistic? Not in my book. I spend every day at my job socializing (not talking about boys, mind you) with coworkers because that’s the only way to get my job done. I prefer solitude, but I cannot pay my bills by brooding at home. So I work like hell to adapt to the NT world, just so I can get by. And I like interacting with some people, because we share interests. Like (gasp!) technology, literature, archaeology and science fiction, to name a few.

But being able to adapt doesn’t mean I haven’t been ignored, bullied and ostracized ever since I was a kid. It’s taken me 20 years of practice and pain to get to where I am now, socially. I’m still depressed, I still have days where I feel like the loneliest person in the universe. Most days I don’t want to get up and go to work. But I do it anyway, and at work, I interact with people. And I’m not going to hand in my Aspie card for adapting.

 

[Fino]

I hope my asking if you see a therapist didn't somehow come off as insulting in any way. I've seen a therapist on and off for most of my life, and it's been invaluable.

But even more specifically than that, it sounds to me like you had a problem similar in nature to what I had. The longer a person is isolated, the more likely they are to gradually be disconnected from reality, as the only feedback they get on their thoughts are from themselves. Even if you're not physically isolated, if you don't have anyone to talk to about specific thoughts or subjects, then those issues are isolated and gradually lose objectivity to the point of being counter to reality. A therapist is an objective, non-judgmental source for these thoughts to be bounced off of which would hopefully allow one to gain perspective and clarity.

A convoluted and erroneous set of beliefs about the world, oneself, and others is often the cause of depression and anxiety. CBT was designed specifically to deal with that problem. If you have never been in CBT, I highly recommend it!

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

I hope my asking if you see a therapist didn't somehow come off as insulting in any way. I've seen a therapist on and off for most of my life, and it's been invaluable

Well little bit since i am not used to open myself in front of others esp NT who have no idea what its like to be me and last counselor i went to did not know anything about autism, in fact she probably thought i was normal just have PTSD. I dont want to see any psychiatrists because all they do is prescribe stuff i dont want to take any meds at this point.

I have book David D. Burns - Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy its CBT and its awesome, but i have stopped reading some where 1/3rd into it now its just collecting dust.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

It seems to me like you are projecting your inner demons onto this community. It also seems like you are working with some very rigid and outdated stereotypes. Not all aspies fit the “misunderstood genius” stereotype. Not all Aspies are into technology.

I think you took my comment women too personal, perhaps in the context of this entire thread it looks too offensive i dont know, you should know aspies say things things that make people offended sometimes, or its another stereotype i don't know.

FYI i learned about high-functioning autism less than week in the past i thought its like movie rain man where he could not take care of himself without external help.

 

[Bolletje]

I think you took my comment women too personal, perhaps in the context of this entire thread it looks too offensive i dont know, you should know aspies say things things that make people offended sometimes, or its another stereotype i don't know.

FYI i learned about high-functioning autism less than week in the past i thought its like movie rain man where he could not take care of himself without external help.

If you’re only just finding out about high functioning autism, prepare to have your mind (and several stereotypes) blown. The autistic savant as portrayed in Rain Man is a very rare subtype of autism. In reality, people on the high functioning end of the spectrum are as diverse as they come. Some people don’t require any support, some will always need a high amount of care. Take the time to learn more about autism and aspies, educate yourself further. Read some more topics on here. I’m sure you’ll find out in time that you’re not alone in feeling like you do.

 

[Progster]

No one can pinpoint an exact cause of autism, but I believe that it is caused by deviations in the structure or neural connections in the brain - perhaps we are able to integrate some areas of the brain a lot faster and other areas a lot slower - possibly also differences in brain chemistry, so it is a physical difference which affects the way we process information: social information, sensory information and emotional information. When people socialise, they are drawing from and processing all of these types of information at once, from many different areas of the brain. If for some reason you are not able to coordinate or integrate all this information smoothly and quickly or at once, it will affect the way you talk, socialise, how you perceive the world and your surroundings, how you think. It might also affect what activities you prefer, if for example, you have difficulty processing emotions, you might prefer science-related activities, but what activities or hobbies one prefers is ultimately down to individual personality and circumstances.

If we are not able to predict, react, take on board and information quickly in real time, it can also make us very anxious: anxious about change, especially sudden change; confusion and anxiety over not understanding social situations.

This in itself would not be a problem, except that human beings tend to stick together and groups and they quickly notice when a person is a bit different, even in subtle ways, and they have a tendency to unite against and reject whatever is different. Hence we are bullied, chucked out of jobs, ignored/rejected by peers, etc. So the differences come from how we interact with society, but also how society interacts with us.

 

[OlLiE]

-1- can i be social like other people yes, i'm excellent at faking, but only for an hour or two and then i have to leave, if i stay much longer i become withdrawn, tired and difficult and spend the next day in bed recuperating
-2- i can have the same hobbies as other people, but if there is a social aspect then see -1-
-3- i can go to restaurants and bars, but -1- applies, aggravated by noise levels
-4- i can work professionally (high functioning + gifted), but due to my logical cold approach to everything i often get into conflicts with people which gets me into trouble
-5- i can play videogames, but find the drama in guilds in mmorpg's too tiring to play with, so i play single player
-6- i can have a successful relationship, yes but i believe it is harder on my wife then if she had married an NT, i'm just not as emotionally aware,
...

so can we do the same as NT's, yes, to a certain extent, the limited extent, to me, is what the ASD is

so no we are not the same as NT's, and yes sharing our experiences here is very useful, because many of us have spent a large point of our lives not understanding where our difficulties came from

 

[Tom]

Sounds like you are trying to define autistics by your own arbitrary rules. Sorry. Some of us are social to a limited extent (mostly online but a few in RL). Some of us have a sense of humor.

 

[WildCat]

The assumption that most people in ASD-geared communities like this one aren't actually on the spectrum is a hazardous one, and one that's caused quite a stir-up before. You're not the only one who's questioned it before, but do know that you're likely going to cause a commotion by posting such thoughts here. Even if you happen to be proven right in a few instances, the odds are stacked against you here.

I'd also like to point out that what you see and read here - here, as in, an online forum, a website - does NOT necessarily reflect the person as a whole behind the screen.

 

[Pats]

You just described the girl of my dreams, i wish i could meet one in real life because this is how i am also...
Hiding my true self, trying to blend in and never talking about my problems with others was a name of the game for me as well.

I guess i am having internal battle right now trying to decide if its good thing that i discovered this community or not...

After i joined and read about other people problems i had so many flashbacks about my own past and i see that i am very troublesome person with a lot of conditions.

My social life among NTs was a nightmare so i secluded myself out of anything social completely and focused my life around other non social things.

So i got very depressed in past few days realizing all this. I know i got to sit down and reconsider all my life, this however is very emotionally involved task, and i hate emotional pain.

But if i run away now back in the world i created for myself, i'll feel better, but it wont last long since my life were already in dead end for years.

The flashbacks are healthy - reading things people say, you are relating to it. Doesn't it make you feel a little more understood and like there are actually others out like more like you? I think most here can relate to social life around NT's being nightmarish. Some can handle it a little better than others. But this site is somewhere we can be without feeling like we're in a nightmare.
You have much to learn about being on the spectrum and I think, if you don't want therapy, this is a good place to be. And it will help you learn what NOT to say.
I hope you continue to be part of this forum. It may ease the battle you're going through right now.

 

[GrownupGirl]

This thread has suddenly become so misogynistic I think I'm on Wrong Planet.
I have absolutely no desire to have children. I can barely tolerate whiny, screechy kids at the grocery store or any other public place while their clueless parents act like since they put up with it everyone else should, too.

 

[DCA]

I can say without a doubt that one of the biggest take-aways I have from participating on this forum & reading the stories of others is how diverse & different everyone is, & how autism impacts all of us differently. Like the OP when I first started here I would read stories & think "well, that's not something I do, so maybe I'm not on the spectrum?"

And then I'd read other stories and say "spot on!"

When I get those moments, I can read how others deal with or cope with the specific issue, & learn something, about myself, or others. At the very least I can say, well this person has similar struggles or feelings, so I'm not alone. It happened in this very thread, when kbb0 described the issues with talking in the real world. I could identify with that because I often feel the same; if I don't have a "script" & the conversation is more complex than "I like tater tots!" I quickly lose the thread, drift around, & feel like an inarticulate buffoon. Writing about it is much easier than verbalizing it.

 

[Pats]

This thread has suddenly become so misogynistic I think I'm on Wrong Planet.
I have absolutely no desire to have children. I can barely tolerate whiny, screechy kids at the grocery store or any other public place while their clueless parents act like since they put up with it everyone else should, too.

Wait a minute! Let me go one further because the assumption here is 'clueless parents'. They're usually struggling parents - NT or ASD. My daughter, as a toddler, screamed anytime I took her anywhere and not let her freely climb the shelves. I'd put her in the cart and she screamed the entire walk through where we were. I had to get groceries and had no option but bring my kids along with me. I got a lot of glaring looks and all I could do was shrug and grip the handle so tight my knuckles were white. I know it's not pleasant for those around us but the parent is probably at wits end, tired and at a loss of ideas on what to do. The hardest thing I've ever done and the thing I'm most proud of is being a parent. We're blamed for everything they do until they are 18 and yet, there are laws that limit what we can do as parents. It's a crazy world we live in.
LOL thinking of the u-turn of the thread and chocolate chip cookies.

 

[Nervous Rex]

My daughter, as a toddler, screamed anytime I took her anywhere and not let her freely climb the shelves. I'd put her in the cart and she screamed the entire walk through where we were. I had to get groceries and had no option but bring my kids along with me. I got a lot of glaring looks and all I could do was shrug and grip the handle so tight my knuckles were white.

When my children were going through that phase, We'd always get two kinds of looks:

The "Why can't you control your kids?" look of judgement
and
The "Yep, I've been there" look of sympathy.

And what I took away from that was the ability to guess who probably has children and who doesn't.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I work like hell to adapt to the NT world, just so I can get by.

But being able to adapt doesn’t mean I haven’t been ignored, bullied and ostracized ever since I was a kid. It’s taken me 20 years of practice and pain to get to where I am now, socially. I’m still depressed, I still have days where I feel like the loneliest person in the universe. Most days I don’t want to get up and go to work. But I do it anyway, and at work, I interact with people. And I’m not going to hand in my Aspie card for adapting.

This makes me want to hire a team of cheerleaders to hold up "Go, Bolletje, Go!" signs on your way to work.

 

[DCA]

When my children were going through that phase, We'd always get two kinds of looks:

The "Why can't you control your kids?" look of judgement
and
The "Yep, I've been there" look of sympathy.

And what I took away from that was the ability to guess who probably has children and who doesn't.

When I dated the woman with the kid with HFA she told me about the first statement & how she feels this acutely, to the point where she would make a snarky comment "He has autism, what's your problem?" So the thought now occurs to me that the screaming kid in the store getting on my nerves? Could just be a kid with autism not coping well that day. That makes me more sympathetic.

 

[OkRad]

There are many Aspies on here who would gladly engage in as intense and intellectually exhilarating conversations as you please. Both men and women.

And yes, there are others who may not be able to engage, but could show you things in pictures or sit with you in silence.

And there are those who are completely isolated after decades of being pelted with NT madness.

One thing I have COMPLETELY rejected is the NT definition of who we are. It's as insulting as a Nazi trying to define ethnicity based on bumps on the head or certain characteristics.

When I want to know what an Aspie is, I will ask another Aspie. I can go to several different drs, all of whom may say something different.
We have differences, but there is a core that remains and no one knows absolutely what it is. I don't. You don't. "The Experts" are always changing their minds.

So when you assert than Aspies must be loners or women can't think or no one thinks like you or Aspies can't talk......step back a bit and realign your thoughts with Reason.

If NTs are writing and studying us and making up manuals about what we are like, the things we do, etc, how can we judge other Aspies based on NTs who watch and observe and borrow data from the past and have no real tests to determine this?

If there were undeniable and objective data, great. They are finding certain genes have higher rates of what we tend to call ASD, but then they find the same genes in people without it. More confusion.

No one comes here to try to affirm that they are NT.

They come because there is something they discern that makes them different.

Further, because they are so intelligent , I would trust their own judgment.

And it is a healing and comforting place. I hope you find that here. Give us time to prove that just because we are not all isolated in our closets all the time, we are still struggling with many of the same things you are.
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