Aspies and Marriages

[Geordie]

Is it possible for Aspies to get married into a happy and fulfilling relationship? Your thoughts on marriage?

 

[NeverEnder]

Is it possible for Aspies to get married into a happy and fulfilling relationship? Your thoughts on marriage?

Marriage is an ideal. Yes, I believe it is possible for Aspies to get married and have a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Some have said an Aspie should only pair with/marry another Aspie; This makes sense on some levels but I do not believe it is always the case.

The idea of marriage to me is important. What I mean is, not that one simply strives to marry just anyone for the sake of being married, but that one commits to another in their relationship. I believe in long-term relationships and fidelity.

 

[Geordie]

The idea of marriage to me is important. What I mean is, not that one simply strives to marry just anyone for the sake of being married, but that one commits to another in their relationship. I believe in long-term relationships and fidelity.

Indeed. I also think commitment to a relationship is key to any given marriage...

 

[robertwnielsen]

Well, I've been married for 16 years to a non-Aspie....she's very understanding (even more so since my diagnosis), and she is the love of my life. XD (And I am the love of hers.)

 

[Geordie]

Well, I've been married for 16 years to a non-Aspie....she's very understanding (even more so since my diagnosis), and she is the love of my life. XD (And I am the love of hers.)

Oh Robert, good that you've a loving relationship with your wife. Kudos to both you and your wife

 

[Ambiguity]

My NT husband and I have been married for nearly one year and we dated nearly five years before we were married. It's definitely presented its challenges, and it's incredibly frustrating when we don't connect, but he's the only person I can open up with. I hope things will improve once I'm diagnosed.

I definitely believe it's possible to have a successful relationship with an NT. I think it helps to have similar qualities; IE my husband and I are both introverts.

 

[robertwnielsen]

Thanks, Geordie....I have a Facebook friend (who I went to school with) whose son has autism....and she once said she never thought her son would fall in love or get married.....I told her that I felt the same way, until a very understanding girl walked into my life. (And she hasn't left yet.) Guess I was just lucky.

 

[kasmanaft08]

I don't buy in the idea of being the same in every way. I think you can be completely different, so long as you enjoy each other's company, are respectful and your basic values are in alignment. Beyond that, whether you're NT or not shouldn't make much of a difference.

Honestly, sometimes I can see advantages to both sides. It just depends on the individuals, I suppose.

But I certainly would never think that Aspies (generally speaking) are beyond help for marriage or a capacity for normal and healthy relationships.

 

[NeverEnder]

I don't buy in the idea of being the same in every way. I think you can be completely different, so long as you enjoy each other's company, are respectful and your basic values are in alignment. Beyond that, whether you're NT or not shouldn't make much of a difference.

Honestly, sometimes I can see advantages to both sides. It just depends on the individuals, I suppose.

But I certainly would never think that Aspies (generally speaking) are beyond help for marriage or a capacity for normal and healthy relationships.

"basic values are in alignment" is the key, I believe.

 

[robertwnielsen]

"basic values are in alignment" is the key, I believe.

I agree. I think that's why Michelle and I get along. XD

 

[epath13]

I've been married for almost 9 years to an ADHD NT even though I'm not sure if you can call someone with ADHD a NT it is definitely a challenge. Both sides have to accept each other the way they are and lower down expectations... I think I'm personally one of those people who's been considered selfish by men and awkward by women (who knew me well) both opinions were based on my inadequate emotional responses (according to their standards) Sometimes it can cause issues in my family, when my husband still expects a loving supportive wife but gets me I mean...I'm supportive...just in my own way. marriage can definitively work if both commit to it, find something to be happy about in relationships and stop whining about being misunderstood and all that.

 

[Geordie]

I'm personally one of those people who's been considered selfish by men and awkward by women (who knew me well) both opinions were based on my inadequate emotional responses (according to their standards) Sometimes it can cause issues in my family, when my husband still expects a loving supportive wife but gets me I mean...I'm supportive...just in my own way. marriage can definitively work if both commit to it, find something to be happy about in relationships and stop whining about being misunderstood and all that.

Well, everyone has his own way of supporting his/her own spouse, right?

 

[epath13]

Well, everyone has his own way of supporting his/her own spouse, right?

As long as it works for both

 

[Geordie]

As long as it works for both

I'm sure everyone who's married will try to think of ways to make relationships work...

 

[Ambiguity]

I don't buy in the idea of being the same in every way. I think you can be completely different, so long as you enjoy each other's company, are respectful and your basic values are in alignment.

"basic values are in alignment" is the key, I believe.

This is what I meant. I did not say that everything should be the same.

As for "opposites attract"; personally I find that people "opposite" of me are incredibly annoying.

 

[AlKoch]

I believe that an Aspie/NT relationship can work, but from personal experience I prefer a relationship with another Aspie. If an NT walks into my life that's understanding enough to overcome our differences, sure i'll give it a try but for now I like the fact that me and my girlfriend can relate to and understand each other better than anyone else could. I love her :3

 

[Kit]

I've been married for two years to my none AS husband and we have been together for four years. He understands me 90% of the time. He is very flexible and puts up with me and I don't think I'd ever meet another guy like him. We don't follow the relationship rules.

 

[Geordie]

I've been married for two years to my none AS husband and we have been together for four years. He understands me 90% of the time. He is very flexible and puts up with me and I don't think I'd ever meet another guy like him. We don't follow the relationship rules.

May you have many more years of meaningful cordial relationship to come.

 

[breadfin]

I guess it depends on the person. Temple Grandin had a very fulfilling life with her family and friends, and never wanted a partner. And lots of people are like this- whether autistic/aspie or neuro-typical. The same could be said of people who choose to have children, while others never could.

I, on the other hand, have been married for 15 years, with three children and another on the way. We have a very fulfilling marriage because we are best friends, we hold the same values and we work through our differences.

My husband and I are VERY different. While I'm an introvert, passive and uncomfortable in social situations- he is an extrovert, rebellious and loves being the center of attention. He loves to read online about anything and everything, while I enjoy reading books about my specific interests. He is very gifted visually, and yet is able to remember each person's likes and dislikes, etc. He is very social and sensitive of others, while I never remember what people look like or what their interests are because I am not interested in people and can be very "cold" to other people's emotions/feelings.

Not saying I don't have feelings- quite the contrary I do and they can be quite crippling, but I only understand other people's feelings through my own emotions or my own experiences- and thus come off as being very cold, if I don't get it. I guess this is why when it comes to the kids, I am the disciplinarian, with strict rules, routines, expectations, etc.- while my hubby gives in to every want and desire. I wish at times I were more like him- he has such an ease when speaking to people, and in particular to our children- he can speak to them about their feelings, which I have learned to do in some degree by listening/watching him, but while I look at things as black/white and intellectually, he has an instinct and ease that totally dumbfounds me.

I guess through him I get to see/experience the world differently. He helps me to socialize and understand other people- making sure that I don't trangress in any way- while being extremely understanding/patient of my obsessions/compulsions. I also have a very hard time to demonstrate my love of him- don't like hugging, etc., but he is extremely patient here and will come and hug me whenever he needs it.

I guess we have a great relationship- though I'm sure it is very one-sided and wonder sometimes that he's not absolutely exhausted by me.

N

 

[Geordie]

Oh, as long as the spouse doesn't mind, and you also feel ok, then the relationship will be stable