Aspie Parent of Autie Children...

[Crossbreed]

I am an Aspie dad. Of my ten children, three appear to be Aspies and two are more severely autistic. My 28yo DS has a mental age of 6-10yo. My non-verbal 21yo DD, m.a. = 18mos.

Prior to this generation, we have seen possible Aspies in the family, but absolutely no severe PDDs. Is this true for anyone else here?

 

[Ylva]

What is mental age?

 

[Crossbreed]

It is the age of their mind's development. My 28yo son thinks like a 6-to-10 year old. My 21yo daughter thinks like a person who 18 months old.

 

[Ylva]

It is the age of their mind's development. My 28yo son thinks like a 6-to-10 year old. My 21yo daughter thinks like a person who 18 months old.

How do you know? What is your method for calculating these things? Are you sure you're not just dismissing their life experience? What about their brain development? Are you saying their prefrontal cortices are just for decoration? What exactly are you asking of us?

 

[Crossbreed]

What is your method for calculating these things? Are you sure you're not just dismissing their life experience?

That is from their doctors. I love them both very much.

Are you an Aspie parent of a severely autistic child, or are you just taking offense at the question?

edit: A cognitive delay does not cease to be a cognitive delay, just because it is co-morbid with autism.

 

[Crossbreed]

What exactly are you asking of us?

The question from the OP was: "Have any of your family members exhibited more severe forms of autism (not counting Aspergers) prior to your children's generation?"

 

[Ylva]

I'm curious as to how mental age is calculated. Is it based on their sense of humour? Their manner of speaking? Their math scores?

In simplifying it down to something so ambiguous and vague and infantilizing, it actually sounds like their doctor is infantilizing you.

What does it mean to be mentally between six and ten? How can you not tell whether he is six or ten? And how is she one and a half? What does she do that makes her one and a half? Are her stims and sensory seeking not a scaled-up version of ours, adjusted to even more intense sensory input?

To answer your question, I have heard stories of "weirdnesses" among my recent ancestors, but no one has directly been said to have autism. I have no biological children.

 

[Crossbreed]

To answer your question, I have heard stories of "weirdnesses" among my recent ancestors, but no one has directly been said to have autism...

Did they take care of themselves, or did they always require supervision?

 

[Crossbreed]

I'm curious as to how mental age is calculated.

That is what IQ tests were originally designed to do.

 

[Ylva]

I'm reasonably certain IQ tests measure spatial intelligence and pattern recognition. So that would mean the original IQ tests were designed by people who made random associations and assumed they were representative of reality, such as when people think avoiding eye contact means you're lying when there is no logical connection there to make.

I am also pretty certain IQ tests were designed for the whiteman to pretend to be superior, although that backfired spectacularly.

I have not inquired into the specifics for those relatives, but in at least one case it sounded like the wife took care of him.

In any case, you shouldn't dismiss your adult children's experiences, even if they do things you associate with small children.

(How do you even get an eighteen-month-old baby to do an IQ test? Is it that, if they just draw sqiggly lines on the test, that means they are eighteen months?)

 

[Warmheart]

Hi Crossbreed! I do know some families where there are supposedly more severely autistics kids now than in the past, but it can be that in the past, such special kids were not recognized, but were instead institutionalized. Today, cherished children such as yours are thriving under care at home, with appropriate ASD supports.

Regarding mental age, I'm VERY much younger than my age, so your dear kids are in good company.
I can tell that you love your children. They're lucky to have you for a Dad!

 

[Crossbreed]

I am also pretty certain IQ tests were designed for the whiteman to pretend to be superior, although that backfired spectacularly.

The veracity of these specialized IQ tests is a given in this thread, not a point of contention by which to hijack it. (Feel free to start another thread along those lines.)

Even without an IQ test, the ability to care for oneself could be considered an objective proxy for severe cognitive disability.

The OP restated: I am an autistic who is capable of self-care. I have two autistic children who are not so capable. I know of no family history of the latter, but have seen multiple examples of the former. For us, lack of capacity for self-care is peculiar to our children's generation. Has that been anyone else's experience?

 

[Crossbreed]

...but it can be that in the past, such special kids were not recognized, but were instead institutionalized.

Being institutionalized would be evidence of a severe case.

 

[Warmheart]

I agree. In the past, people were less understanding. Today, there's better awareness and better supports, thank goodness.

I myself am not able to manage being a parent, I have no children. I am myself challenged with self-care, variable awareness, executive functioning.

I'm hoping for good things for you and your kids.

 

[Crossbreed]

(How do you even get an eighteen-month-old baby to do an IQ test? Is it that, if they just draw sqiggly lines on the test, that means they are eighteen months?)

She couldn't process the simplest IQ test (with simple shapes, etc.) designed for 2-year-olds(?). 18 mos. was their estimate based on developmental skills that she did exhibit.

 

[Ylva]

She couldn't process the simplest IQ test (with simple shapes, etc.) designed for 2-year-olds(?). 18 mos. was their estimate based on developmental skills that she did exhibit.

Okay, thanks for answering.

 

[Crossbreed]

I am myself challenged with self-care, variable awareness, executive functioning.

The fact that you process concepts like "variable awareness" and "executive functioning" indicates that you have some degree of adult features on-board.

 

[Ylva]

The fact that you process concepts like "variable awareness" and "executive functioning" indicates that you have some degree of adult features on-board.

Have you at least tried putting a keyboard in front of her? Or picture cards?

 

[Crossbreed]

All of that (and more) has been tried, over a period of 12+ years.

edit: While I appreciate your interest here, this thread still remains about "Is this the experience of others?" if you don't mind. Please PM me if you still have more questions along these lines.

 

[Warmheart]

Crossbreed, my awareness of my awareness is poor, but I am currently working with someone who is teaching me to apply the correct vocabulary ("poor self-care skills, limited awareness"), as well as helping me identify my challenges (wandering, bolting, self-injurious fits, non-verbal meltdowns, non-verbal shutdowns). On my own, I'm not aware of when I'm doing these things. But I now know that I do them.

I can write a pretty forum post, and parrot the vocabulary regarding my challenges. But I cannot plan my day, need picture schedules to shower, dress, know when to eat, go to the bathroom, etc. to avoid hungry-meltdowns and messing myself. I can't always know when I am hungry or need to go potty, so picture schedules help! Okay, my leaving the house without pants.... that I can find kinda funny.
After being hit by a car twice in my life, falling 25 ft from a second floor, I understand variable awareness is not a safe thing. I'm working to get some better ASD supports in place. I hope to learn to read situations, because I cannot read myself. We never stop learning.

Your kids are really lucky to have such a smart, caring, knowledgeable Dad looking out for them. I admire your courage, strength, and understanding of your kids. I am certain they feel your love.

I admire you!