Ameriblush
Violin player.
Aspie here...who can never have another family day at her house ever again because of something she did.
I only discovered last summer how sensitive I am to sound, and it was disastrous. My family was having a big Labor Day cookout that invited almost half of my maternal side to our house. It became incredibly hot, loud, and cramped,(our house is very small) and everybody was constantly talking over each other and cutting conversations off.
To make matters worse, there were 4 kids, all aged 6 and under, running loose and running in/out the house constantly. They would scream, throw things, fight, spill food, and trip over adults constantly. The mother of two children was on facebook the entire time and ignore her two children, even when one if them needed a diaper change, and even when the older child stuck her finger down the younger, diaper-wearing one's throat and almost choked her.
The other two children were rowdy boys who ran around the neighborhood (a foreign neighborhood they have never lived in, mind you) and harassed pets, threw rocks and pine cones, ran into the street near oncoming cars, and ignored the adults. At one point, they even brought a random child of the street to use the bathroom, and later that day there was a mass freakout when one boy went missing, then later discovered to be hiding under my bed upstairs (where they're not allowed to go). What makes this worse was that they made ME the one to watch them since the parents were too busy talking.
At this point, I was so irritated that I didn't want anybody to touch me or talk to me. I sat in the corner, and I shoved anybody who tried to hug me. Whenever I tried to ask a question, no one would hear me because my voice is too quiet, or they wouldn't acknowledge me when I spoke to them, so I would get agitated and repeat something over and over again louder and louder until they snapped and screamed,"I heard you the first time!!!"
I tried to go upstairs, but I couldn't get away from the noise. I closed my doors, turned on music, talked to my parents, turned machines on, nothing worked. Whenever I heard the smallest screech of a child or an adult screaming at them to sit down, shut up, then beating them repeatedly, I thought my brain would slowly leak out my ears. I even when out to the car, drove a bit, called my therapist, but I was still insanely angry and rabid.
I decided to wait until everyone left to see if I would calm down. I had spent the last 2 hours in my room ripping paper, smashing objects, and throwing things to try and cope. But when they left, the rage stayed. I felt that the only way to get rid of my anger was to scream at them and insult every person that irritated me, but they had left! How can I berate them now???
Facebook. I usually hated social media, but I needed an outlet. I know how wrong it is to air your dirty laundry. You can tell me how dumb it is until you're blue in the face. I didn't care. If I didn't expel that rage, I'd either have a panic attack and end up in the hospital, or kill someone and end up in prison. I tagged all the people there and ranted and insulted each one. I got dozens of messages telling me I'm a monster, psycho, etc, my family members threatened to beat me to a pulp.
And I simply responded that I would gladly do the same if they ever showed up to me door again. I had no emotions, I didn't care what people thought of me, and I was even getting a disturbing thrill from the rage being let out for once. My aunt had returned to tell me how cruel and sick I was, and when I responded that I didn't care, she called me broken and psychotic, then left.
That night, I deleted my facebook account, not out of shame, but out of the fear of employers finding my rants. I didn't regret what I did, either. It was only until later that I realized that something as mundane as noise had turned me into a sociopath willing to hurt people because they talked too loudly. And I fear the day I finally snap and hurt somebody I care about. These days, I don't talk to the family. I apologized, but in the flattest voice possible. I was more concerned with making sure this didn't get in the way of my forward path. But having no regrets isn't always a good thing, especially when you get upset by noise.
I don't know what to do now. And I don't know how am I going to live my life in a noisy world. I just hope I'm not alone.
I only discovered last summer how sensitive I am to sound, and it was disastrous. My family was having a big Labor Day cookout that invited almost half of my maternal side to our house. It became incredibly hot, loud, and cramped,(our house is very small) and everybody was constantly talking over each other and cutting conversations off.
To make matters worse, there were 4 kids, all aged 6 and under, running loose and running in/out the house constantly. They would scream, throw things, fight, spill food, and trip over adults constantly. The mother of two children was on facebook the entire time and ignore her two children, even when one if them needed a diaper change, and even when the older child stuck her finger down the younger, diaper-wearing one's throat and almost choked her.
The other two children were rowdy boys who ran around the neighborhood (a foreign neighborhood they have never lived in, mind you) and harassed pets, threw rocks and pine cones, ran into the street near oncoming cars, and ignored the adults. At one point, they even brought a random child of the street to use the bathroom, and later that day there was a mass freakout when one boy went missing, then later discovered to be hiding under my bed upstairs (where they're not allowed to go). What makes this worse was that they made ME the one to watch them since the parents were too busy talking.
At this point, I was so irritated that I didn't want anybody to touch me or talk to me. I sat in the corner, and I shoved anybody who tried to hug me. Whenever I tried to ask a question, no one would hear me because my voice is too quiet, or they wouldn't acknowledge me when I spoke to them, so I would get agitated and repeat something over and over again louder and louder until they snapped and screamed,"I heard you the first time!!!"
I tried to go upstairs, but I couldn't get away from the noise. I closed my doors, turned on music, talked to my parents, turned machines on, nothing worked. Whenever I heard the smallest screech of a child or an adult screaming at them to sit down, shut up, then beating them repeatedly, I thought my brain would slowly leak out my ears. I even when out to the car, drove a bit, called my therapist, but I was still insanely angry and rabid.
I decided to wait until everyone left to see if I would calm down. I had spent the last 2 hours in my room ripping paper, smashing objects, and throwing things to try and cope. But when they left, the rage stayed. I felt that the only way to get rid of my anger was to scream at them and insult every person that irritated me, but they had left! How can I berate them now???
Facebook. I usually hated social media, but I needed an outlet. I know how wrong it is to air your dirty laundry. You can tell me how dumb it is until you're blue in the face. I didn't care. If I didn't expel that rage, I'd either have a panic attack and end up in the hospital, or kill someone and end up in prison. I tagged all the people there and ranted and insulted each one. I got dozens of messages telling me I'm a monster, psycho, etc, my family members threatened to beat me to a pulp.
And I simply responded that I would gladly do the same if they ever showed up to me door again. I had no emotions, I didn't care what people thought of me, and I was even getting a disturbing thrill from the rage being let out for once. My aunt had returned to tell me how cruel and sick I was, and when I responded that I didn't care, she called me broken and psychotic, then left.
That night, I deleted my facebook account, not out of shame, but out of the fear of employers finding my rants. I didn't regret what I did, either. It was only until later that I realized that something as mundane as noise had turned me into a sociopath willing to hurt people because they talked too loudly. And I fear the day I finally snap and hurt somebody I care about. These days, I don't talk to the family. I apologized, but in the flattest voice possible. I was more concerned with making sure this didn't get in the way of my forward path. But having no regrets isn't always a good thing, especially when you get upset by noise.
I don't know what to do now. And I don't know how am I going to live my life in a noisy world. I just hope I'm not alone.
