Anyone prefer not to socialize?

[The Penguin]

Having social contacts would be nice. However, based on my 32 years being alive, it normally does not work well. Most people I meet into following trends and seem most people I meet are the same. I like meeting people that are different. But at the same time, the person needs to be understanding about my disability. I had learned to accept to not have a social life with humans and use animals and nature as a replacement.

 

[Judge]

Penguin, I think you'll find many of us have a special bond with animals in general. They aren't apt to let us down as much as do humans. I enjoy nature as well....being one of those odd persons who loves desolation.

As for socialization, I tend to ration it for quality control purposes. I keep negative contact with people to a minimum in as much as is possible.

 

[The Penguin]

As for socialization, I tend to ration it for quality control purposes. I keep negative contact with people to a minimum in as much as is possible.

Very good idea

 

[Judge]

Very good idea

Hmmmm. Maybe. Maybe not. I live in near isolation. I can go a long time not speaking to anyone other than store checkers. And those don't usually involve meaningful conversations...but it's good practice not to become too "rusty" with NTs!

But it seems to be somewhat therapeutic for me...although I guess I'm never totally isolated with Internet access.

 

[danielcollins]

It's so complicated.

I want and need for social interaction with others.. but I require so little of it that I'm full up by the time they're mid conversation.

I detest small talk and chit-chat, so that causes a bit of a barrier speaking to anyone new.. let alone the sometimes cringeworthy observational truthfulness.

There's an element of SAD here as well, my foot tends to be in my mouth for most conversations. Which just makes me more anxious, uptight and unfocused.

I don't understand how people make new friends, where on earth do they meet them? do strangers really talk to each other at bars?

Conversation has to achieve a goal, be for a purpose ~ or to share ideas on a topic. Can't think of anything worse than the chat the hairdresser gives.

 

[paloftoon]

I only like to socialize if people will reciprocate with respect. Some people aren't interested, are crappy, or I even had a few play pretend desperate as if they don't understand what you're saying and what they're doing when they really do. Those pretend personalities become boring and stressful actually, and they make me sad because you know that person is lonely. Ironically, I felt sorry for that person until I knew they were trying to fake things with me instead of being honest about being wrong.

 

[Effy]

I prefer not to. People complain. When I do socialize, those people who complain act bored, running their hands over their faces and smiling like I'm killing them, but they're trying to stay nice... like, uh, what's the point if they're just gonna do that?

 

[Kirsty]

It's so complicated.

I want and need for social interaction with others.. but I require so little of it that I'm full up by the time they're mid conversation.

I detest small talk and chit-chat, so that causes a bit of a barrier speaking to anyone new.. let alone the sometimes cringeworthy observational truthfulness.

There's an element of SAD here as well, my foot tends to be in my mouth for most conversations. Which just makes me more anxious, uptight and unfocused.

I don't understand how people make new friends, where on earth do they meet them? do strangers really talk to each other at bars?

Conversation has to achieve a goal, be for a purpose ~ or to share ideas on a topic. Can't think of anything worse than the chat the hairdresser gives.

I hate chit-chat too...like it comes manual for me instead of flowing naturally. It makes me feel tensed, a bit tongue-tied or mute and I also struggle with maintaining eye contact. (Have recently learned focusing on the bridge of peoples' noses) Even with family and a close friend who I could tell anything to more or less prompted/encouraged me to express my emotions, etc. People nearly always start conversations, I don't know how. I can 'force' myself to, but I make it short and friendly. Also, I feel uncomfortable when someone stops talking, sensing an awkward silence and struggle wondering what to say to fill that void.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I have my moods when I want to connect, chat, and have fun, but I am such high maintenance intellectually it's hard to find anybody or me to be in the mood for more simple fun. Although a water balloon fight is awesome and mundane chit chat can be a welcome break from over thinking. But I only want it with people I trust. I have a long history of bad experience and unimaginable bad luck with people who are more rude than anything I've seen an Aspie accused of, I'm very leery of new faces. And then there are plenty of people I know that I can't stand and I'm forced to interact with, and it just goes so, so badly. I've never understood why I have to do all the bending and compromising. I'm talking to them politely about something that bores me, can they not be polite and also not touch me in return? Why do I have to take all the insults and tiptoe around their feelings?

 

[Kirsty]

I have my moods when I want to connect, chat, and have fun, but I am such high maintenance intellectually it's hard to find anybody or me to be in the mood for more simple fun. Although a water balloon fight is awesome and mundane chit chat can be a welcome break from over thinking. But I only want it with people I trust. I have a long history of bad experience and unimaginable bad luck with people who are more rude than anything I've seen an Aspie accused of, I'm very leery of new faces. And then there are plenty of people I know that I can't stand and I'm forced to interact with, and it just goes so, so badly. I've never understood why I have to do all the bending and compromising. I'm talking to them politely about something that bores me, can they not be polite and also not touch me in return? Why do I have to take all the insults and tiptoe around their feelings?

Yeah moods play a huge part. Work can be hard as there's difficult people there we can't avoid, unfortunately. That's when I go really quiet and appear like I'm in my own world, when in fact I am at my limit inside and trying to look like nothing's wrong. I let out my feelings when I get home which is intense and start stimming and wondering what people think of me. When I'm in good company, I'm more my happy self.

 

[danielcollins]

I hate chit-chat too...like it comes manual for me instead of flowing naturally. It makes me feel tensed, a bit tongue-tied or mute and I also struggle with maintaining eye contact. (Have recently learned focusing on the bridge of peoples' noses) Even with family and a close friend who I could tell anything to more or less prompted/encouraged me to express my emotions, etc. People nearly always start conversations, I don't know how. I can 'force' myself to, but I make it short and friendly. Also, I feel uncomfortable when someone stops talking, sensing an awkward silence and struggle wondering what to say to fill that void.

For me it feels like you're kinda stumbling through conversation, trip on the edge of your tounge - kind end up being a bit non-sensical, or the pressure builds and say something that hasn't been thought through.

Eye contact (for me at least) has improved greatly over time but I do sometimes feel like I'm staring someone out. The worst is the lift in my new flat block, I hate it when I share a lift.. where do you look? I usually end up playing with my phone or staring at the ceiling which no doubt looks really weird.

Awkward silence is the worst thing ever, panic and want to get out..

I'm gonna try that thing with focusing on someone's bridge.

 

[danielcollins]

Yeah moods play a huge part. Work can be hard as there's difficult people there we can't avoid, unfortunately. That's when I go really quiet and appear like I'm in my own world, when in fact I am at my limit inside and trying to look like nothing's wrong. I let out my feelings when I get home which is intense and start stimming and wondering what people think of me. When I'm in good company, I'm more my happy myself.

With work, I've managed to hold down a job for over a year now (that's long for me, all others lasted 10 months) so I'm pretty comfortable - I've taken the stance of "this is who I am" and let people take me or leave me as they please. I've been told I'm quite likeable so I maybe this isn't as much of as a problem for me as some.

Visiting customers makes me quite anxious though, being on show for the company and all that.

It's hard, I found that I have one best friend who I have a very strong relationship with we're very similar (although he's not AS) I'm at total comfort with anything I say to him - this is the environment I'd like with a few others, much easier said than one. Conversation flows and isn't forced, although committing enough time to ensure we get enough social contact from each other has difficult at times.

 

[Etzelaire]

I socialize when I need to, if it is not compulsory I avoid it. Yesterday morning at work I asked a partner if he worked that afternoon, kind of weird of me because a few seconds later I found myself feeling strange because I didn't care if he was coming or not, I don't dislike him though.

 

[Kirsty]

That's good you're able to hold down a job and are happy. It's never been a problem with me. Longest was 3 years. The company closed down, but was able to get another job quickly after.

 

[AsheSkyler]

So, uh, who else here is the grim reaper besides me? The owner of the small grocery store I left had a stroke within a few years and it closed not long after, the video store I worked at for a year closed soon after and the owner was killed by a freight truck, the lunch buffet closed for the final time and didn't reopen within a few months of my working there, and thankfully I already knew the printing company was going down the drain before I went to help them out what little they could afford but then the boss's wife died of a heart attack within a year after they had to let me go. I was always lauded as a great employee, so I know I didn't drive the business off and I certainly didn't have anything to do with things like the semi, but still. Business don't last long once I've been there. My mom frequently says "I love you honey, but I would never let you work with me if I started a business", heheh.

Yeah moods play a huge part. Work can be hard as there's difficult people there we can't avoid, unfortunately. That's when I go really quiet and appear like I'm in my own world, when in fact I am at my limit inside and trying to look like nothing's wrong. I let out my feelings when I get home which is intense and start stimming and wondering what people think of me. When I'm in good company, I'm more my happy self.

So, so true. I don't shut down when I've had enough (it has to be a really bad day for that), I get short with people easy. Customers notsomuch unless they're that one problem customer everybody at the job doesn't like, but coworkers are another story. I've got my dad's glare whether I intend to use it or not, and it's resulted in getting me called to the office for my "bad attitude" more time than one. Thankfully, I could pass off as normal for those encounters and get in less trouble since my coworkers did things universally annoying like snapping my underwear, and most people attribute my hostility and foot tapping to just a bad temper.

 

[Judge]

My mom frequently says "I love you honey, but I would never let you work with me if I started a business", heheh.

Yeah, my cousin told me something similar about two years ago!

 

[Kirsty]

Lol my dad said something similar to me too. He loves me, but would never hire me. He works in an office. I'm more hands on/practical work. I joked I could make the tea and coffee for everyone and maybe do a bit of cleaning....but no.

 

[Kirsty]

So, uh, who else here is the grim reaper besides me? The owner of the small grocery store I left had a stroke within a few years and it closed not long after, the video store I worked at for a year closed soon after and the owner was killed by a freight truck, the lunch buffet closed for the final time and didn't reopen within a few months of my working there, and thankfully I already knew the printing company was going down the drain before I went to help them out what little they could afford but then the boss's wife died of a heart attack within a year after they had to let me go. I was always lauded as a great employee, so I know I didn't drive the business off and I certainly didn't have anything to do with things like the semi, but still. Business don't last long once I've been there. My mom frequently says "I love you honey, but I would never let you work with me if I started a business", heheh.



So, so true. I don't shut down when I've had enough (it has to be a really bad day for that), I get short with people easy. Customers notsomuch unless they're that one problem customer everybody at the job doesn't like, but coworkers are another story. I've got my dad's glare whether I intend to use it or not, and it's resulted in getting me called to the office for my "bad attitude" more time than one. Thankfully, I could pass off as normal for those encounters and get in less trouble since my coworkers did things universally annoying like snapping my underwear, and most people attribute my hostility and foot tapping to just a bad temper.

I should really speak up for myself and have a voice. I'm nearly 30 and don't have much confidence. You know what they say, if the quiet ones do speak up then they're the bad ones. Couldn't handle that. That's exactly what the 'bullies' want. A reaction. So I just hold back. Can't change anyone anyway, just myself so will start learning new ways to cope with things.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I should really speak up for myself and have a voice. I'm nearly 30 and don't have much confidence. You know what they say, if the quiet ones do speak up then they're the bad ones. Couldn't handle that. That's exactly what the 'bullies' want. A reaction. So I just hold back. Can't change anyone anyway, just myself so will start learning new ways to cope with things.

It's silly that asking to be treated nicely carries such bad connotations, I should think it'd promote a healthier work environment and employee if everything was comfortable and happy. (Within reason, I think if somebody wants to wear jammies to work they should work from home.) I wish you luck and I hope you have found good coping methods. A day at the park with a "rant buddy" usually did well for me.

 

[kazz45]

Meaning socialize...socialize? With people and everything? No, not particularly. I like being on my own and to myself. Online, I am great. Just not too up close.

im the same, im quite content just to do my own thing...on my days off, i do my chores then usually go for a swim at my local pool or go for a walk or walk my dog...i dont really do work do's though i did go to one last year but i get bored quickly in social situations, i'd sooner be doing my own thing!! i try to join in things but i dont find it easy