I am 42 and have a 10 year old NT daughter which i've brought up as a stay at home dad. She's doing really well despite my autistic limitations but i am fortunate in that i am able to pass for NT much of the time and although she is aware of my autism and how it can affect me, i am able to try and not let my behaviours or excessively rigid thought processes restrict or influence her in any way.
This has been the most difficult.
For example, it would be a nice day and she'd say she wants to take her bike to the park. This obviously involves a spontaneous change in routine for me and now i'm expected to change mode in an instant, get her ready, get her bike in the car, drive to the park and so on and so forth. Easy for most NT's but for me it's incredibly difficult.
Also difficult is dealing with crowds / noise / sensory issues. As a parent i feel i have to at least make the effort to give my kid the most 'normal' of upbringings and this involves going out to places that are full of people and noise. Swimming pools with slides for example she loves and i hate with a passion.
There have been times i've taken her to the pool and there has literally been no water to swim in because there were that many people in there! I fail to see how anyone can find this experience enjoyable. Then you've got the noise of kids screaming and music playing and water splashing and it's generally a nightmare. Yet i have to pretend to be enjoying myself in front of my child whilst i'm subjected to this assault. I guess what she doesn't know won't hurt her and so long as she is having a good time that's the main thing.
Also the transition from one thing to another is hard. For example we'll do some painting and that means i have to get organized and get the paints together etc in a routine way and then 10 minutes later she'll get bored with that and not only leave the mess behind (which stresses me out) but also wants to do something else like getting LEGO out. So then i've got to transition from one activity to another and in some cases to another and another!! Aghhhhhhhhh! Kids!! lol
Another issue is the illogical behaviours and reluctance to accept common sense. For example she might be watching TV and still have her night clothes on and we will be due to go out soon to horse riding so i ask her to turn the TV off (as it's a distraction) and get changed into her pony clothes.
She then kicks up a fuss because i've turned off the telly and then i'm trying to explain that everything stops until she gets changed and once she's got changed then watching TV can resume. She'll be changed then and then she can do what she wants until it's time to go out but she'd rather spend the next 10 minutes arguing about getting changed and not having the TV on when if she just got changed then the TV would be back on!! Arghhh! Kids!!
Her reluctance to do common sense tasks in a logical order is infuriating and causes a lot of stress. Obviously i don't let her see this stress but inside i'm boiling over. I feel like shouting at her, "JUST DO WHAT MAKES SENSE!!!"
Having her friends around is difficult too. I pretty much have to go out and leave the hosting to my partner when she has friends around. Having one 10 year old is stressful enough but more than that in the house and who DON'T KNOW i have autism or know about autism is too much for me to deal with so i go out and my partner deals with all that side of things.
I feel so uncomfortable around young kids because they are so unpredictable and ask a lot of direct questions. I don't know how to interact with them at their level so to speak, which is probably part of the reason my kid things i'm a weirdo
and it's stressful.
Like Starfire says, my daughter finds my quirks and behaviours amusing and it's not too big a deal.
Another difficult challenge has been being around other parents and they all talk about their kids and how they are doing and this and that and i have absolutely zero interest whatsoever. I find it hard to have an interest in what my kid does let alone theirs! I do try though and have to fake interest. For me a lot of parenting is about not only providing a loving, nurturing environment but also about duty and raising a rounded, confident, happy child and i feel sad for myself that i don't find a lot of things she does or achieves interesting because of my autism but i'm just so glad that she is finding things enjoyable and interesting.
All we want for our kids is for them to be happy and enjoy their lives and i do my best to facilitate that rather than get any happiness out of it myself if this makes any sense?
I'm sure many NT parents are like this but just won't admit it. For example when your child comes up to you with some buns she has baked and you think the bun looks awful and tastes awful but you have to lie about it. You have to be overjoyed at the bun and say how wonderful it is and how great it tastes and what an effort it has been to make it when in fact it was chucked together in 5 minutes in a mixing bowl, it looks like a dollop of horse poo and tastes like it too.
My autistic brain wants me to tell the truth but on the flip side i have to remember i'm talking to a child. I try to be as interested and positive as i can without making anything and everything she makes and does into the best thing since sliced bread. You do have to offer constructive criticism at times - even to a 10 year old.
I get a lot of these experiences in raising my child. She has a great time doing the activity but i don't really get a lot out of what she has produced / achieved. I'm just really happy that she has got pleasure from it as a parent if that makes sense?
Currently i'm entering into that phase where she is showing an interest in lots of different things and watching a lot of different things on youtube which i am finding it hard to monitor.
I find much of what she views on youtube annoying and pointless but sometimes i have to remember that i was 10 years old once and what i wanted to watch when i was 10 would be vastly different to what i want to watch now i'm 42.
She watches OTHER PEOPLE playing video games and TALKING ABOUT IT! I'm about to get myself in trouble on here now as i would think there will be a lot of passionate gamers on here who will disagree with the following comments but personally i cannot get my head around spending half your time watching SOMEBODY ELSE play a video game! Just play the bloody game yourself! Not only that but these youtubers generally have extremely high pitched annoying voices which really grate on me.
From memory the two she likes are a girl called LD Shadowlady and some lad called Smallishbeans. They are constantly chattering away at a hundred miles an hour and making high pitched squeals and noises and to be honest it winds me up big time.
Then she watches endless you tube videos of some girl making slime.
Personally i find a lot of stuff she watches on youtube is loosely based around watching others do things and then talking about it rather than her just doing that thing herself. As for the obligatory, "Subscribe to my channel" mantra that's everyone on youtube seems to say nowadays then it's a constant battle trying to remain flexible with accepting her viewing choices.
I have a great dislike of the modern culture of 'likes', 'followers' and 'subscribers' although you can 'like' this post if you want - i won't judge.
Especially when most of the content is just banal. Don't get me wrong, there are many people who put themselves on youtube who deliver some fantastic informative and inspiring content as some posters on here do but by and large i find youtube lives up to the famous Andy Warhol quote more than adequately.
To be honest i believe watching all this stuff is technically wasting your childhood but like i said, i suppose if i was 10 years old growing up today then i might be watching that stuff. Not a nice thought.
Personally i think i'm a very good parent and a lot better than many of the NT parents i see shouting and swearing at their kids and threatening them with violence if they don't behave. I use positive reinforcement and mutual respect rather than the old fashioned way of punishment in my parenting but we're all different.
Hey, there are lots of positives about being an autistic parent with NT kids though.
Time, patience, love, respect and support are a good starting point.