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AprilR

AprilR

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  • AprilR
    Till the end of the moon is a visually gorgeous cdrama. Alas i cannot watch bc i empathize too much with the main character and it hurts.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Kinda weird since i was never outrightly abused like him but it hurts just the same
    AprilR
    I am tired from people who think i can do" so much better" I am not a genius, Just an autistic person with adhd. Even acting with friends and family is exhausting.
    View previous comments…
    All-Rounder
    All-Rounder
    I have found out about antinatalism this year, it's great to find out people have the same views that I held for so long and it actually has a name, too.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I dont think i would call myself antinatalist, it is just that there are not any support for autistic people here and my autism is genetic. It would also exhaust me to deal with a child
    All-Rounder
    All-Rounder
    I know what you mean, I can barely deal with my own stuff. I think bringing a child into the same curse when it's unnecessary would be wrong.
    AprilR
    It is hard to chat with my friend sometimes. Bc i don't know what to say or how to presents myself. I feel like my mask is slipping
    AprilR
    I spent an hour on my friend's assignment and my mom says "don't keep it too long" i don't know whether to laugh or cry
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I have to pinpoint the" important parts" i have no idea which part is important and which part is a small detail.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    What do you mean by assignment? Are you writing something that your friend is going to turn in under their own name?
    AprilR
    AprilR
    No, i am summarizing one of the subjects for her. She will do the assignment herself. Things like this are not a big deal here
    AprilR
    I don't want to think like this but it feels like my friend is using me right now. She called me in the middle of the night to do an assignment for her and she is asking me now in the morning
    View previous comments…
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    If it feels like more energy you have, you need to tell them next time.
    If it feels like they're using you and a pattern is emerging, might be time to distance from them, or see how they start to treat you when you start saying "no".
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    If you care about her, this could be a good time to lay down a boundary and tell her that it feels uncomfortable for her to be asking you to do these things.

    That’s unfortunate that someone who is a friend is pushing you for help in this way.
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    Friendship is a resource for many people who dont take responsability of their own lifes.
    AprilR
    My friend asked me to help her with an assignment regarding work. I was a little taken aback since she works in a completely different field.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Part of me wondered whether i am being taken advantage of. I hope that is not true. I don't want to suspect my only friend
    AprilR
    Today my coworker said she is too tired to even go out on weekends with friends. I was a bit jealous since she has friends to go out with
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I imagine she was jealous of me for living on my own and found it weird. As if this is the weirdest thing about me lol. And if she is jealous of me she has no idea what she is thinking
    AprilR
    At least my psychiatrist thinks i might be autistic now. This makes me feel less like a failure
    View previous comments…
    AprilR
    AprilR
    As for my psychiatrists opinion, i meant that at least it is validation to me. That i am unable to do some things as well as anyone else does not mean i am lazy or irresponsible. It sometimes feel like people are infantilizing me and it is very annoying when you are doing your best to support yourself
    Gerontius
    Gerontius
    Validation is something that most people are looking for. It's definitely a help. And if you are treated as autistic then you might see less symptomatic stuff from it.
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    Most people dont know how to properly behave with autist people.
    AprilR
    Idk how to explain this but:The people who live in this country are more nt than western nt s. EVERYTHİNG is based on social rules and it is so annoying
    AprilR
    My psychiatrist finally said i might have autism when i told her about my childhood
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I told her about how my parents thought i have hearing problems when i was a child bc i didn't look when they called me
    AprilR
    When there is too much anxiety so you feel none.
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    I think autism might be a spectator sport. At least, that's how I often feel socially, and - as you say, anxiety and the like just has us feeling like outsiders.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Yes, At some point i just dissociate to stop feeling fear and stress.
    AprilR
    I visited a friend today. I sometimes feel like i am a poor conversationalist when i am with her.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I am very tired now, since i have to act even with my only irl friend.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I like my friend very much but at the same time feel like i don't deserve her. She is much better at everything than i am.
    AprilR
    People who are full of life has always seemed so different than me.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    People who try so hard also. Sometimes i even get angry at myself for trying so hard at my job and friendships.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Things that are not meant to happen will not. People are not powerful enough to change that
    AprilR
    AprilR
    People who are full of life are admirable. But i guess i want to tell them its okay to relax sometimes too.
    AprilR
    I don't know what to do. I really don't. My employer is very nice, calm. But i am too tired to continue. Mentally and physically i am exhausted
    View previous comments…
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I can't take time off, there is no one else that can take over for me if i do that, and when i return the workload would be even heavier.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    The worst thing is, today i talked with my employer about the workload. He said he didn't want to hear about it, instead he praised me again and said he wants to continue working with me for a long time. I don't want to disappoint him but i genuinely feel unhappy
    Judge
    Judge
    That was precisely my predicament as an insurance underwriter. Even when the company sent me on two-week training seminars no one made up the work on my desk. Requiring me to almost abandon any notion of a real vacation. Where more often I solved two weeks of backlogged work in less than a week. The management loved it. I did not.
    AprilR
    It sucks to not have anyone to talk to when life is so hard. I wish i had irl friends.
    View previous comments…
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I noticed i started to hate my life and i am constantly angry.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Maybe walking away from job, or applying for a different job?
    AprilR
    AprilR
    It might be a bad time since another coworker is also quitting. I will talk about my difficulties either way. My psychiatrist also said the same thing. I want my effort to be seen
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