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Special Qualification Courses for ASD before Marriage is highly needed?

By BlueSky Aozora · Jan 11, 2020 · ·
Categories:
  1. Okay this may seem too radical to be posted here, but this is my blog so anyway.

    Aspie/autism is okay and such, but the problem appears in marriage. In a marriage, the ASD will live with the partner 24/7. So it's impossible to mask.

    And another thing is, the ASD subconsciously actually want a caregiver or a mom who will do everything for the ASD. Processing partner? You should hire somebody else. It's irrational to expect your marriage partner to be your mom 24/7, and also without any reciprocation. People marries to support each other, love and care for each other, thinking about each other, making decisions together, navigating/managing the ship together, plan for the future together etc.

    I think it's essential for ASD to go through a course or several courses, learn about marriage thoroughly and get qualified before married. This is important, because many ASD don't know the responsibilities unless being told and taught thoroughly.

    But, that also would be interrupted by masking. As i said before, it's impossible to mask 24/7, irrational to expect your partner to do everything, irrational to be so entitled.

    As alternative, better to hire a caregiver or a processing partner or a personal coach officially and pay them generously.

    Many partners are deceived into this kind of marriage because of the masking, which is actually unfair to the partner. Marriage is a huge responsibility, and not for getting a free caregiver. Each person gets a big extra responsibility after marriage.

    This is just my opinion based on my observation (albeit through online only) of ASD marriages/relationships. I might have done the same thing as the ASD and I too am guilty. I wonder how this problem can be solved or managed.
    Aspychata and Arbust like this.

Comments

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  1. Aspychata
    I married a bipolar who told me he didn't want to take meds. I dealt with his anger a lot. I guess l was somewhat of a caretaker in the fact that l guided him towards some better choices. He did thank me. However our relationship was abusive in the last 10 years and becoming progressively worse. I was trapped because l wish to see my daughter graduate hs. His commute was way to long to effectively raise her, so l stayed until she was almost 17. So it started one way and finished up another way.
  2. Arbust
    My spouse masked all kinds of behavior before we got married. He has flat out said so, "how else would I have gotten you to marry me?"
    Now the big thing that caused me to be deceived was my only sibling died suddenly not long after we started dating. Most of my friends didn't know how to be supportive as we were in our 20"s
      Aspychata likes this.
  3. Magpie
  4. Kevin1968
    Perhaps the NTs also need to attend courses? Communication is a two way thing, and even though NTs claim that they are experts already they still seem generally to be unable to understand aspies?

    Marriage is also a form of partnership, each bringing their different strengths and weakness to become stronger together.

    And even if the NT does become a "care giver", perhaps that is what they prefer anyway, presumably there is something about the aspie that they are drawn to. It may be that the aspie is intelligent, loyal, honest, a good provider (if they have the appropriate career). There are numerous reasons why couples form and get married to one another.
    1. BlueSky Aozora
      Agreed with your first two paragraphs, that is a good idea. In my country in some parts there's already a compulsory short course before marriage, but autism or neurodiversity is not considered yet.

      For your third paragraph, i think it depends on the couple. Either the autist masked until the day of marriage & take it off after marriage, or not.

      Last but not least, thank you for your reply :)
      Kevin1968 likes this.