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I read a simple question in a thread here in AspiesCentral: ‘Do you love yourself?’

‘What kind of question is that? Of course I do’, was my immediate thought.

Unfortunately, most people answered either ‘no’ or ‘yes except’. I was appalled.

I haven’t always had the best self-esteem. Just this year, after pushing all my life to be a better person, since I thought I was not enough (mostly because, even if I am very smart, I don’t have any way of supporting me and my two children by myself) I came to terms with the fact that I was who I was, and that I was good enough anyway.

But I’ve always loved myself. Always. People had indeed made me feel inadequate, uncomfortable, etc. But I don’t remember ever thinking ‘I don’t love myself’. Even when I was a teen and I had an eating disorder, when I would binge uncontrollably and didn’t have any control of myself, I still loved me. And even in the several times I’ve been depressed, I’ve always loved myself. I’ve felt powerless and frustrated, but still, I’ve loved myself. I guess I haven’t had the traumatic experiences that other people have had.

I guess I’m genetically lucky too. I’m also lucky because, in spite of having a pair narcissistic parents, I guess I didn’t have it that bad, compared with a lot of people. I’m also fortunate because I have a naivete that protects me because I don’t see right away the mean intentions of people. Another fact that might have contributed with my self-love is my imagination, and the tendency that I have to get absorbed in day dreaming or adapting ‘reality’ to the narrative that I have in my head. When I was kid and I didn’t feel I could talk to kids my age about the things that I wanted to talk, I cut out cartoon images of kids and stick them in the ceiling of my bunker bed, and I would talk to them. When my husband was mean to me while I was pregnant I devoured the Twilight books, and I became Bella Swan. When I was living in a very dangerous city in South America, I started watching The Walking Dead, and I became Carol. How can I not love myself? In my imagination I’m like Mystic (the character in X-men) I can be whoever I want to.

I believe that half the cause (or even more) of the lack of love towards themselves in the forum that I belong to, is due to their parents. Not all of it, because there’s genetics of course. But it’s very hard for me to imagine that there’s so much people out there that don’t love themselves just because of inherited traits or mental conditions.

I think that being a mom is the most important job in the world (yes, I am a mom, and I take my job very seriously). Being a mom is not only a relationship, is mainly a job. Being a dad is also important, but in the majority of the cases, is the mom who is the person in charge of raising a kid in an atmosphere where he feels loved and accepted. If the mom or parents didn’t do their job right, if they failed to communicate to the kid that he is important and worthy of love, then that job is left undone, an it’s up to the child to do it. But maybe the child doesn’t want to do it. Why? He was not supposed to. It was their parents job. They were the ones that had to love him unconditionally. Learning to do that as an adult can be very hard.

My parents didn’t love me unconditionally, there were always conditions. But I’ve learned to love myself unconditionally, no matter what, no matter if I become the worst person in the universe, I will still love myself. Same thing with my kids.

Love is most often than not, conditional. That is healthy in everyday relationships, because one puts the condition of being respected first by the other person. If the other person doesn’t respect me, then I love that person a bit less, and I might end up not loving that person at all if he continues disrespecting me.

I love myself and my kids, unconditionally, no matter what. That’s how it is, and that’s how it will always be. Maybe life will teach me otherwise, but as of today, that’s how it is.

Teaching my kids to love themselves, accepting them as they are and showing them that they are important and worthy, is my main goal as a mom.

So yes: I do have the most important job in the world. I am a mom. X-men and proud! I mean, mom and proud!

Comments

You are right, being a mom is the most important job in the world. If you are being the best mom that you can be, then you are a superstar.
 

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Sabrina
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