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Other Disorders
If I could categorize these posts, this one would have Spirituality or Soulwork as its tag. I can't stop talking about this week's choir story. I just can't find any relief except from looping, and looping is burning it into my throat, closing it.
A long time ago, when I was in my twenties, I...
Life sometimes is confusing. For a variety of reasons, but rarely for the following I’m about to write about. I suppose a little notion of “this might be emotional to some” comes in effect here. (And, a little bit of swearing)
A precedence which seems to be relevant in this; It’s not that weird...
Living based on neuronal firing. That's what I like to think at least. Neural control in the end influences everything about the body. It can be argued that signalling is controlled by neural and hormonal elements, and this is definitely fair, but without the neural elements (the hypothalamus...
I've been having greatly increased OCD symptoms lately. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing because with OCD, you are aware- completely- that what you are doing doesn't make sense. You are aware that the things causing you fear are not logical, not rational, have no place in reality.
On the...
Smoking!
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I sent a letter to my one roommate who has been smoking in the apartment. I CC'd my other roommate, my mother and my father. I am not really communicating with my father right now but he is a landlord and the smoking roommate is aware of this and has also met both of my parents and...
I know I'm straying away from the topic of Asperger's and Autism, but I wanted to know if anyone has these disorders and how you guys deal with them? I deal with mine by meditating or praying each day for at least 10 minutes. Throughout the day, I do go through anxiety and stress so I work out...
To be completely honest- I don't want to do this anymore. The only medication I am on right now that addresses my pain in any way is an anti-inflammatory. I am at the maximum dosage. This puts me at a level of functioning where if I go out with my mother for a couple of hours to have lunch and...
"I see my friends, they all get to pursue higher education, all their goals, pretty much, they can have kids, or not. They can pursue careers, or not. They can move, they can hop in their cars.
They have so many choices and take them for granted. I have very little choice in my life.
...I feel...
After an exciting evening in conversation, I wondered if a FUQ was in order. IQ, EQ, and what I'll call "We-Q" seems to be fluctuating so much I'm getting seasick.
Have I noticed my body tensing up during a thread, reading a post or person? Notice the feeling.
What is the feeling? Notice the...
Permission to write bad personal poetry has been granted to the author.
EDIT: CASCADING MEMORIES PROBLEM ONGOING. I wish I could cry but I can't so I'll write.
I looked her in the eye, which lent pain to my words.
"I'm not a nice person,
actually." I'm really not fun.
The therapist could not...
I had a really degrading experience this morning. Part of it was probably that the experience meant something very very different to me than to the other party involved- but part of it was that the other person I think honestly didn't put any thought into what they were doing. The specific...
I saw a post on the board asking if there was anyone you really hate.
I wanted to respond. I wanted to talk about how hate for me has been kind of a difficult thing. How I have often mistaken my angry and hurt for hate. That when I've recovered, I've realized that I can simply not engage. That...
It's Sunday, and the woman who just received her passing scores from her ordination exams is preaching.
As always, I took notes, and found in them some way to approach both the day's readings and the week before me.
Faith: It's a gift, not a decision
It’s no kindness to exhort people to “have...
The talking chalkboard at the local cafe is remarkably prescient. I've taken to showing up just so I can focus on what's going on in my other mind, where conversational snippets latch on to the thoughts I can see but not say. Processing those emotions and visions and hanging words on them feels...
Previously: What's a rainbow, in the context of managing how I think about, and in, my internal weather system? Since I couldn't answer, and didn't like "Rainbow as a door," I started with an anti-definition.
Initial Observations
I need to be more careful about laying out data labels: the...
Previously: Thunderous thoughts and lightning bolts have the same materials that rainbows do. What's in the blue arrow? I need to know, because not getting the job hits me where I hurt.
If there's a way from the dark thoughts on the left side of the image to the light and color on the...
Previously: If Psalm 51 was written by an aspie about "aspierience," what does Genesis bring that helps?
"God has had it," said the preacher, "but His heartbreak is resolved when He decides to change; His creation won't change very much, and He wants the relationship more than He wants to...
Previously: So my challenge personally seems to be about what I can do to stay in the moment when lightning hits the fault line. How will I slow down, find a virtue in being deliberate, and not confuse it with procrastination?...Go back and read the parasympathetic benefits thread again.
It's...
Previously: Deathcake earthquake happens when I let panic drive my need to act, because action looks like a way to control a situation. While it's weird to see panic as a controlling technique, it's even weirder asking what it is that panic controls, and why non-action is so hard to choose even...
Previously: Deathcake is self-directed schadenfreude driven by Murphy's Law: things not only can get worse, but will, and they should do so as fast as possible. Perhaps slowing down is not such a bad idea after all--but what does that process look like?
Pain is a great motivator. It alerts me...