Your preferred type of gifts. Also, How do you shop for NT's in your life?

[poey]

As the holidays roll around, people often ask me what type of gift i'd like to receive. I never have any idea what to say except for things that i need that i'm too lazy to buy for myself. IE: Socks, gift cards, and other practicalities.

When NT's want to be surprised, I have a hard time figuring out what they want since i have selective listening. My wife tells me all year long what she wants by picking up items and ooohing and aaahing over them, but after we leave the store, i've invariably forgotten or have been distracted by some shiny new thing that i've never seen before.

What type of gifts do you, as an aspie like receiving.

Also, how do you surprise an NT with somehting special?

Much love,
-p

 

[Soup]

Hi Poey!

As for me, an online gift certificate to a place I actually shop is nice. As for gifting NTs, many now keep an online wish list at places like Amazon where anyone can look & select an item they want. You can't go wrong that way since the giftee him/herself compiled the list. This is much like those old fashioned bridal registries they make at large stores like Neiman Marcus etc. This also prevents doubling so the person doesn't receive 15 Waterford pitchers.

Another thing I do is to give cash to the kids who are old enough to receive it (tweens and teens). They always are short of funds & enjoy having a crisp new bill in their wallet to use as they desire. Fortunately, my gift list of people in this age group is small so I don't end up giving a $50 bill to 27 teenagers!!!

My father is elderly so he really doesn't need anything. What I'm doing for him is buying a thick steak in his favourite cut, freezing it solid & wrapping it. I bought him filet mignon (several slices) last year & he loved it. My mother doesn't really need anything either so I might get her a $150 gift certificate for the grocery store.

My husband is an Aspie so surprising him is out. He doesn't really like being given stuff much (one of those paranoid types) & also a minimalist so I might hit the stove & the oven & cook up a really special meal for him with some kind of high calorie blood-pressure raising artery clogging tooth decaying desert. His clients all give him expensive bottles of rare hard liquor. Last year, we did a count & discovered we had over 30 bottles of the stuff: we ought to have opened a cigar lounge! The funny thing is that neither of us drinks hard stuff at all! One good bottle of vodka was used as an acne preventative astringent toner & exfoliant (apparently, this was Catherine the Great of Russia's beauty secret). I made some genuine perfume using it as a carrier & pure essential oils & resins to make the scent (takes 3 months or so to turn into real perfume).

The other stuff winds up getting re-gifted to people he knows who will actually drink it. The few bottles of good wine might slowly dwindle over the year, but we still have a backlog we'll never live long enough to consume.

If you know what people like, baking up some home-baked cookies (muffins, breads etc) & presenting them in a pretty tin or dish is a great gift that is also economical. One of my husband's more interesting clients is a vegan & she gave us a big tin of different home baked vegan cookies. I'd never tried vegan sweets before & this was a thoughtful gift that we all enjoyed. This young woman is very busy so I appreciated the time & effort she devoted to making this gift.

 

[King_Oni]

I'm both terrible at buying gifts at "set" times, as well as being rather selective in what I'd like as gifts, so I don't celebrate x-mas or birthdays with any gifts. I don't even really celebrate em anyway... for me it's just another day... albeit one with inconvenience since stores are closed.

It comes down to the blatant sillyness of my parents not having a clue what to get me, thus they'll hand me some money, and I'll give them about the same amount back... which just is trading. And in my eyes a bit silly.

Besides; if I have bills to pay, I don't have money to blow on anyones amazon giftcard, nor do my bills get paid by giving me an itunes card either.

Also add in that, even though I live with my parents, I'm so out of touch with them, I have no clue what they want, and they wouldn't have a clue what I want. They don't even know what iTunes is for example (even though those giftcards are across all supermarkets in the area).

A while ago I had a small argument with my girlfriend about a gift she somewhat bought me, and I caught onto it on time and I was like "well, it's fun you want to give me something, but I don't really think I have any use for it... so keep it to yourself, just to avoid the disappointment for me not using it". Honest yes... difficult.. probably as well. The argument (as in just a fun convo, not a fight) went on and I told her;

Stuff I want, I'll buy myself, stuff I won't buy myself is way beyond range of what's reasonable for a gift. Example; I'm quite precise about what I want for instance my tabletop wargaming hobby. I know what to get, and if I need it, I'll head out and get it. I don't have time to hold of expenses weeks... I have games to play, and chances are the reason I need something is because... it needs to see play (and also, it contributes to some social interaction). On the other hand; the things I actually need, and don't have right now, are things like; A fridge, a washing machine, a new couch... things that are hardly gifts for a variety of reasons. But one of the main things is that my parents, nor my girlfriend can or wants to spend a few hundred on a gift. They just (like me) can't afford that.

All this doesn't mean I never give any gifts to anyone. If I'm really, really, really sure about something someone wants, I might buy it, but that doesn't have to be a birthday even. My girlfriend keeps a wishlist on Steam for games she wants... so if I have 10 bucks to spend, I might spend it there and get her some game she wanted. For her birthday I got her a year subscription for a website she's on... but that's when I'm really sure about stuff, and somewhat feel in a giving mood anyway. It just happened that it was her birthday soon. I'm not against the tradition itself, I'm just not really participating a lot with it.

I tried the amazon wishlist thing, but amazon apparently isn't available in The netherlands (yet), so signing up is somewhat tedious... just for sake of a wishlist.

To answer the OP question; I don't shop for the NT's in my life, lol. My girlfriend is an aspie, and I don't shop for my parents, which are presumably NT... that's all the people in my life.

 

[Nolan1971]

I never really had a problem buying gifts for friends & family everyone says I am very good at it.
I am very perceptive in learning what their interests are and casually asking other friends/family what they know.
Usually it will be inexpensive but high on their list of gifts they were hoping for.
I really spoiled my ex wife with an average of 6-7 gifts at xmas and again on her birthday a week later.

 

[Loomis]

My wife used to tell me I was hard to buy for. Actually I do not like receiving gifts and do not think my birthday is anything special. I had a coin collection, no rare coins, but they were all old U.S. silver coins from pre-1967. I had silver dollars, half dollars quarters and dimes. I gave them all away to my son and step son for Christmas and their birthdays over about a five or six year period. Not a big deal because I knew I would never sell them or do anything with them. Material things mean very little to me unless they happen to be one of my "special interests." For the last several years tools have been my special interest and at the moment they are about the only possession I value. I told the divorce lawyer my wife could pretty much have anything she wanted. Over 22 years we had accumulated a house full of beautiful furnishings. We bought only the highest quality stuff, Henredon, Jeffco, etc. I only want an antique artwork I bought before we were married, my mothers sterling silverware set and a couple of other pieces of art. Before I was married I could put everything I owned into the back of my Toyota pickup. When my family moved into our last house in 2000 we needed a semi to transport all our belongings. I am looking forward to owning very few things again. It is more free. I completely agree with John Paul Sartre:

We are possessed by the things we possess.
When I like an object, I always give it to someone.
It isn't generosity--it's only because
I want others to be enslaved by objects, not me.

 

[Soup]

"Actually I do not like receiving gifts and do not think my birthday is anything special."- Loomis

You really remind me of my husband sometimes: this is exactly what he says. I agree that we can be possessed by our possessions because, back in my late teens to early 20s, I has so much stuff that it was ridiculous. I didn't even know what the heck I had or where it had all come from! As I grew older & began to think about what I really wanted my life to be about, I realized that it definitely was NOT about having 20 Louis Vuitton purses or more shoes than Imelda Marcos. I went into down-sizing mode in a BIG way: tons of items went & as each package either got shipped away from Ebay sales or given to a charity or passed along to someone who would actually use it, I felt lighter & more free. Now, my shopping is much more targeted: I buy shoes only when I actually need a pair. Even then, I narrow it down to exactly the type of shoe I need & look for a good sale. Full retail prices & Soup do not mix.

My husband is similar too: no collections of stuff, no pile of games, DVDs or anything else & no knick knacks that we;d have to dust, store, display & insure. The holidays seem more & more like manufactured opportunities for retail sellers to move inventory & get people to buy out of guilt & obligation. Kids really bear the brunt of this distorted value system as they're taught to ask 'Santa' for a long list of costly items. Funny how that goes: they open the gifts & soon after, they're having a blast playing with the boxes that they came in!

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

I find that most holidays are commercialised so that its not really about the meaning any more but about buying stuff. I refuse to acknowledge most people's birthdays for this reason and my siblings agree that being reminded your another year older isn't exactly that fun any more. My mum still has a thing about it though. I usually forget anyways so saves the hassle!!

My husband finds me frustrating to buy for. I usually only name things I have a use for ... be it an item for a hobby or an item that I can't buy for some reason. Though I have trouble with my family on this one. One of the most gutting things was one year when I was a student I was asked by my family what I would like for christmas and I told them and they laughed. I had listed things like ink for my printer (which as everyone knows is not cheap and as a student I didn't have a lot of money) but to them they found it inappropriate for me to ask for that.

Christmas is an upseting time of year for me because my mum likes to give me inappropriate gifts. She wants me to be like my sisters who are girlie girls ... ie make up, clothes, fashion all the other boring irrelevant stuff I can't really stand. I also have a repulsion for perfume. Every year I get a pile of make up and crap. To me it makes me feel like my mum wants me to be someone who I can't be. The best year was when she gave me a wool quilt (I'm allergic to wool) and when I told her she got upset. So I got nothing (once again).

This is my first christmas as an aspie and the first year I will understand why those gifts are upsetting.

As for buying for other family members I generally try to put myself in their shoes and find the inner child in everyone. For my brother's 21st I got him a nerf gun set and him and his mates ran around all night shooting each other and thought it was the best. This year though I'm concentrating on the children in the family (of which there are now 6 under 6) and the years when hand made stuff is still awesome to them.

 

[Kelly]

The only people I care about buying gifts for are my husband and daughter, saying that when I do buy gifts I think really hard about what the person would truely love.

Example my mum is a heavy smoker, she's tried so many times to give up, so for her birthday rather then getting her flowers/chocolates that is a standard sort of 'mother' gift I got her an e-cigarette and a box of refills and told her to give her lungs a break, she loved it and was so greatful. My dad is very hard to buy for his major obsessions (I believe he's an aspie too) are computers and technology but there is no point buying him say a graphics card or something very specific like that because he will already have every single computer/technology item he wants. So I get him technology/computer related fun stuff which always makes him smile, just simple things like a giant pencil thing that's designed for using on an iphone/ipad instead of your finger, or the iphone case that's like an amusement arcade machine. He really loved the gloves I got him that again are designed to be used with the iphone because the cold really gets to him wheras now he could keep his hands warm but still use his phone.

I think because I notice little details about people I know what to buy them, like my in laws, they love wine, cheese, MIL likes going out FIL likes vintage cars and stamps so we tend to go for something relating to all that (thinking of sending them to a wine tasting evening this year). For FIL's birthday we got him a magazine that had alot of articles in about his Jensen, a model car of a Ginetta and a bottle of his favourite whiskey.

Or last time I had what I thought was a friend (turns out she wasn't), she loved me to you bears, so I got her a few different me to you bits and a limited edition teddy. Or another 'friend' who loved twilight so I had a personalised book made with her as the main female character and Edward Cullen as her vampire lover.

My husband and daughter I know so well I know exactly what to get for them without asking but I always ask my husband to make a present list of anything he really really wants. Then I tend to buy 4 or 5 things form the list and surprise him with a dozen or so things not on the list. Like last year the only things I got him off his list were 5 dvd's, battlestar galactica, Oz, S.darko, trainspotting & 8mm, the rest I picked out because I knew he'd love them, like a playstation 3 and lots of games, a laptop cushion, a book, a radio in the shape of breasts(this was a joke between the two of us, long story) a newton's cradle that was boobs instead of balls (daughter's idea). We just all know each other so well, like yesterday my husband was looking on the forbidden planet website and he mentioned a Michael knight figure and Kyoko whispered to me "I know what to get daddy for his birthday now, he loves knight rider" she then winked and put her finger to her lips to indicate I keep quiet.

As for gifts from other people, my parents have been giving cash for years as they don't know enough about me to get me a gift, but since my neice came along(her birthday is 3 days before mine) my mum rarely gives me anything for my birthday. She always has a half ass excuse I wish she'd just be honest and say she can't afford to buy for the two of us, I'm a grown woman I don't mind not getting a gift it's the lies that annoy me. My in-laws just give me cash and maybe a bath bomb set or some expensive chocolates to go with it, they don't see the point in buying me crap I won't like when they can just give me the cash and I can spend it on what I want.

As for xmas every year I remind my parents we don't celebrate it and every year we get stuff, my mum buys us things like pyjamas, bath sets and big tins of biscuits, wheras my dad just gives us a cheque in a card. Every year I protest and every year I'm told they don't like to make a difference between me and my brother, then I get into the whole debate that there is a difference he's an asshole who will get offended if he doesn't have a number of presents form them wheras I don't want any. My brother "borrowed" ?600 from my mum insisting he would give it back in time for xmas but he hasn't and now she's struggling to get the money together to buy for everyone so once again I insist she gets us nothing, initially she refused but then after I went on and on she finally agreed to just get us a big tin of sweets and then thanked me for saving her money. Even when I tell her to just get our daughter 1 gift she says no she will not make a difference between the two grandchildren so I tell her to just spend less on both of them this year, she was horrified at that idea.

 

[Pella]

I hate the obligations of giving gifts, I would rather give you a gift because i saw it and thought you would like it, and give it to you and say happy tuesday than give you a gift that i got cause i didn't know what else to give you, when i don't really have the money. Like my boyfriend's ex wife comes to holiday stuff, and she gives us a gift we give her gift. Last year we didn't have the money so I went through my books to find stuff that might work, and I ended up giving her this book "pollitically correct bedtime stories" It was a really cute book and I hated giving it up, but I didn't know what else to do, but then she didn't even come. I know its not right but I felt resentful, I gave up something that I really liked and didn't get anything in return. Also she gets on my nerves. Also they always give me stuff I can't use, and I feel guilty cause I would rather they save their money and not get me anything than get me something I can't use. Also I have to pretend to smile and all that, and that feels like lying to me. I have tried to give a list of things I want, in my mind that would be helpful, but they seem to think it is rude. This year I could use money because next summer my sister's wedding I have to go to, but money is so tight, and I am already gonna have to stay with someone who isn't very supportive. Also money for therapy would be good. Also my wishlist a few years ago varying price ranges from a kindle to a single hole punch which you can get for like 98 cents, so I don't really see how its rude.

 

[Soup]

All this gifting seems to put people under much undue pressure. Many people go to stores like Kmart or Walmart & begin their holiday shopping months ahead using these layaway plans. This makes it easy to over-spend because you never see a cart full of stuff & start mentally tallying it all up. The really unfair part about this is that every Xmas season, each store pays for 1 lucky customer's complete layaway fees. People layaway more than they otherwise would believing that they'll be the lucky winner & wind up with a whopping bill at the end of the season. These kinds of policies remind me somewhat of the predatory lenders (mortgages) who conned vulnerable people with constrained budgets into buying homes they couldn't afford. Kids really son't need tons of stuff. they begin to think that the amount of stuff they receive (& later, the value of the stiff they get) is a direct reflection of how much their parents love them. As they get older, they up the ante, whining for very expensive tech toys (gaming computers, X-boxes etc.) & even cars, costly trips & plastic surgery!

We parents (& relatives) need to put the brakes on & scale it back. Saying NO causes so many parents to feel guilty & anxious. Sometimes, too, they feel like they have to ensure that their kids keep up with the neighbours' kids & others in their peer group in terms of what expensive things they have. It can seem like a bottomless pit! We wonder how kids become greedy & entitled, well, WE do it to them when we try to buy their affections or teach them that they're supposed to expect their relatives to spend like the Sultan of Brunei.

 

[Nolan1971]

People put way too much priority on how many and how expensive the gifts are.
The most wonderful holidays I ever had with my ex wife was when we had the least amount of money.
We were much more grateful for what we had and without all that retail fluff we had more time for each other.

 

[Pella]

The best gift I got was from my brother, he had been working at the recylcing center where he lived. He had pulled 11 books out of the stuff, every single one of them were books that had been on my want to read list, some of them were falling apart, one I had to tape the cover to, but in some ways that seemed better, I don't know, seems to me there is not much better than a well used book, although someone throwing it away doesn't seem real "well" used, but to me it is somehow more beautiful. He also got me a skin stapler, which was cool cause its one of those weird things that most people don't have in their possession. But anyway all of these were free to him, although you could say that he worked for them, because he wouldn't have been able to get them if he hadn't been volunteering there. To me it just showed how much he knew me, that he was able to pick out 11 books that suited me. My brother and started getting closer after my mom died, we had so much in common, but us both being aspies probably helped, plus I was so used to being isolated and people not getting me, it made my bond with my brother seem stronger i think.

 

[Soup]

A skin stapler...now I know what to give the person who has everything! You're guaranteed to NEVER hear; "Aw, crud: not another skin stapler. Edna! Toss this onto the heap with the others, will you?"

 

[Soup]

....Hey...Umm...Can it staple someone's mouth shut?...I'm just askin'...(Great for those DIY appendectomies...)

 

[Pella]

....Hey...Umm...Can it staple someone's mouth shut?...I'm just askin'...(Great for those DIY appendectomies...)

I don't think it was designed for that, I think you might need a needle for that.

 

[Soup]

Still...you've got to wonder who tossed one of those into his recycling bin, "Well, Friday is recycling day: better toss out these soup cans, the old newspapers & the extra skin stapler."

Talk about a find with a story behind it! What a strange gift!

 

[Pella]

Still...you've got to wonder who tossed one of those into his recycling bin, "Well, Friday is recycling day: better toss out these soup cans, the old newspapers & the extra skin stapler."

Talk about a find with a story behind it! What a strange gift!

he said it was in the package so it was sterile but he wanted to see how it worked so he opened it up

 

[Soup]

Ummm...Who did he try it out on?

 

[Arashi222]

As an Aspie I prefer gifts that reflect my obsessions. So things from my friends would include dolllie stuff usually as I don't ask family for doll stuff. Family I ask for things like Barnes and Nobel gift cards or books I love books or an itunes gift card for music on my ipod.I also love getting cherished teddies for my big collection too. If i felt comfy asking my family for dollie stuff I would but since my mom does not approve of the hobby I tend to keep them as gifts from friends or to myself.

In my family we write lists of what we want so people have a choice of what to get you. We have always done it that way so my NT shopping is easy. My friends are often easy too I get them either dollie stuff or gift cards for books. As we all tend to be readers.