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Your funniest injuries

Bolletje

Bolletje

Overly complicated potato
V.I.P Member
So, I'm a very clumsy person (hello!) and as such, I have had my fair share of accidents. I thought it might be funny to list them and see if I can supply anyone with a daily dose of Schadenfreude (and maybe get some embarrassing stories in return? Who knows!) Some of these happened while I was a kid, some of these were as an adult. Here are a few of my clumsy adventures, feel free to share yours:

- Broke my toe because I climbed into my wardrobe and pretended to be a cat, then the wardrobe collapsed because the planks were made to hold clothes, not humans

- Broke a different toe by stubbing it on an underwater rock on a sandy beach (literally no other rocks in sight)

- Got a sprained wrist because I was using clip-in pedals with my roadbike for the first time and forgot how to release my feet, so I helplessly fell over when I stopped at a traffic light

- Got a very painful pubic bruise because I was riding my bicycle downhill with an ice cream cone in one hand and my sister yelled for me to stop. I used only one handbrake, because I had an ice cream in the other hand. Sadly, the one handbrake was for the front wheel, so I slammed into the handlebar stem with my groin and flipped over the handlebars onto the asphalt. My sister mostly wanted to know if the ice cream was still okay.

- Got a bad ankle contusion because I tripped over the cat while walking indoors, fell and held on to the door handle, forcibly slamming the door with my ankle stuck between the door and the doorstep

- Got a bad knee contusion and skin abrasion because my friend convinced me it would be fun to ride my bike over a speed bump with my eyes closed and without holding the steering wheel (and I was the idiot that believed it)

- Got a bloody nose and a nose contusion because I tried to tie my shoelaces too enthusiastically and kneed myself in the face
 
When I was about 10 I had the habit of sitting on the
floor to play with my toys. Often when I sat down
I'd manage to knock myself in the face with my
knees.

Not an 'injury' in the sense of bloodshed, bruises,
or broken bones, but it always offended me.
 
During a black belt recertification test, I lost my balance and fell backwards but I did a perfect roll and got back up not knowing I had twisted my ankle in the process. The senior belts keeping score laughed at how random the back roll was and I kept up the pace without stopping which could have cost me points for my test.

I also broke my finger during a black belt class and didn’t know it for an entire month. I was okay and my finger only felt sore and uncomfortable if I bent it a certain way but I seemed fine. I had wanted to get it checked out because it was pretty swollen but people told me that I was fine and just stubbed it and that was normal but after a month I knew something strange was happening. The way I fractured my finger was on a master belt’s foot.
 
tree said:
When I was about 10 I had the habit of sitting on the
floor to play with my toys. Often when I sat down
I'd manage to knock myself in the face with my
knees.

Not an 'injury' in the sense of bloodshed, bruises,
or broken bones, but it always offended me.
Click to expand...
I can relate to that ;)
 
I used to have cats. One of them was an enormous male who liked to try to climb on my head for some reason. The other was a somewhat overweight yet enthusiastic female who had an odd tendency to miss when jumping, and that's when the claws came out. Usually this would happen when she was trying to get onto my lap.

I mean really, use your imagination here. I can tell ya one thing, I've a much higher pain tolerance than I once did.


Also I once had an open binder ring go into the sole of my foot. Note that binder rings arent sharp. I thought this was really funny at the time. I dont remember why.
 
Oh wait, I remember what the other one was that I was gonna post:

Locker room back in high school. Finished up with Derp Class for the day, stood up... right into the thin metal door still hanging open above my head.

Was taken to the nearby hospital/whatever to get stapled. This made the whole thing even more stupid.
 
I went to turn on the TV in the living room at the wall switch, only to move towards it too quickly and end up headbutting the wall in the process.
My mum was in the living room at the time and she burst out laughing after initially doing that "silent laughter".

Another time, I was walking into my bedroom with a cup of tea in my hand. As I was walking in, my sleeve snagged on the door handle - causing the door to swing towards me and whack me in the side of the head.
In that moment of been stunned, I jerked backwards and ended up throwing about half of my cup of tea all over myself. Thankfully it wasn't too hot so I wasn't scalded but it was still pretty funny to look back at as I had tea dripping off me.

Out of curiosity, can we include incidents others have told us about that happened to them?
 
Forest Cat said:
I was doing a back flip on skis. We had made a jump the day before at the bottom of a big hill. So I went full speed down the hill and hit the jump. What I did not know, was that someone had altered the jump, it was now going almost straight up. So I was launched into the air, going very much upward and very little forward. At the top of the jump I was upside down, I looked to my left and saw two people sitting in a chairlift, I was almost at the same height as them, that chairlift was 50 feet up in the air... :eek:

That made me a little panicky, it was not what I had planned. So I lost all control and just slammed into the ground like a bag of potatoes. Landed in three feet of fluffy snow, still broke some bones and stuff, I was going so fast. I don't know who changed the jump, no one dared to admit it.
Click to expand...
Not gonna lie, this post had me giggling until the second half. That's really bad!
 
@AGXStarseed sleeves, door handles and drinks are my enemies!

I'm not trusted with a drink in my hand either. I've thrown many a drink over my shirt while checking the time on my watch. Another classic: first day on a new job, meeting new people, then reaching out to shake someone's hand and knocking my cup of coffee out of my other hand and over my clothes. Always a good first impression in my coffee stained formerly white doctor's coat :D
 
I am sure I have done this but all that is coming to mind at the moment is how I accidentally (and not seriously) injured others.

A friend was trying to teach me golf. He took me to a driving range and I hit the ball completely off the range onto a road where it bounced once and then hit a jogger in the butt. He sort of hopped, stopped and rubbing his butt looked at us. I turned away and pretended I hadn't seen anything.

;D
 
Ooh, I just remembered a recent one from 2 months ago:

So, I'm down in Florida at the island house, right. It's night time, I'm in bed, yada yada yada. It is pitch black in that room as usual.

Hm, time to use the bathroom. No problem, let's just get up and walk over to the *THUD*. Yeah, didnt even make it two steps.

Okay, hmm. There appears to be something solid here. Howabout if I try to walk in the exact same direction for no reason- *THUD*

Sit back down on the bed for a moment. HMMM. Let's think this out. When I get out of bed I'm supposed to just walk straight forward and go to the switch and the door. Dagnabit there's a wall thing here though. Why is there a wall here? Wait, I got it, what if I... *THUD-CRASH*

After I eventually managed to extricate myself from the closet immediately next to the bed (complete with the now dislodged closet door), I had the hazy realization that, oh yeah... I'm not at my usual house. The light switch and door are the OTHER way. Also yes I'm the sort of sleeper that tends to be a bit dazed/confused immediately after waking, can ya tell?
 
The funniest self injury I ever heard about was from a friend who was visiting another friend. The friend had just bought an electric shock collar for his large dog. He didn't want to really hurt his dog so put it on himself to see how bad it was. He pushed the control button and instantly fell on the floor the control flying out of his hand at the same time. His dad happened to walk in hearing the thud and seeing the control unit on the floor picked it up and said 'What's this?" and pushed the button.

;D
 
I come from a long line of clumsy women. My grandparents once had a visit from social services because they suspected there was some physical abuse going on, and my grandmother had to explain that no, she's just that clumsy. And as a proud granddaughter I can say that I've had a bruised face more than once from actually walking into a door or doorpost.
 
(This one isn't so much funny as it is weird.)
When I was wrestling with one of my sons, I received a two-inch laceration on my forearm from the head of an inopportune nail.
It oozed a little, but did not bleed.
It looked scary-gross, but did not hurt at all (even after I noticed it). :confused:
 
A few months ago, my aunt waxed my grandmother's kitchen floor. I took my shoes off because I wanted to be polite. When I got to the kitchen, I slipped and fell, hurting my right little toe, and I had to forgo the zoo trip with my mom the next day.

Also, at the hotel during my Pennsylvania trip, I was just getting back from the restroom and tried to get back into bed. I miscalculated and fell on the floor because it was so dark.

Recently, I fell out of bed whilst turning onto my left side sleeping and hurt my head in the meantime, and I ended up with facial injuries, even a black eye. For a while, I was a little paranoid because I didn't want people to think I was beaten when it is far from the truth. Luckily, the injury I got from falling is minor.
 
Learned a lesson as a young lad not to be telling a joke and slicing an orange at the same time.
While the joke ended I continued cutting through the orange into my finger. :oops:

But it did leave me with an interesting souvenir. A distinct scar running halfway through my middle finger.
 
Thanks, everyone, for brightening the day!
I don't, thankfully, get injured often. One time I was sitting on the edge of my chair in one of my Master's degree classes and I tipped forward landing soundly on my butt. Everyone thought it was hilarious, and once my back surgery to repair the damage was over and I was on the good pain meds, I thought it was funny, too!
 
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