Your funniest injuries

[Nitro]

I was commissioned to sandblast a WWII era Dodge Carryall like the one in these images:

The blasting gig was very dirty, but paid extremely well, so I used to take some of it on here and again.
Inside, outside, top to bottom on the body only.
In order to ease the lower work, I dragged it up two foot (.6 meter) high ramps.
That placed the roofline at at least eight feet (2.44 m).

After finishing all of the lower work, I climbed a ladder to finish the roof.
Originally, the center section of the roof was canvas stretched over wooden bows but had been replaced with a huge sheet of aluminum that needed blasted too.
As I finished up the roof which basically was done in under 5 minutes, I took a step back to see of I had missed anything.

Wrong move, dumbass, that roof is damned near hemispherical in shape.
This ain't gonna be good, and it will no doubt really hurt.

Mind now that I'm running a 1 inch blastline 90 PSI (6.2 pascals) feeding a 3/8" (10mm) nozzle that is essentially a rocket engine that is spewing dead sharp crushed coal tar abrasive that has the ability to abrade sheet steel away to a hole in sheer seconds if left in one place.
I would hate to think what it would do to exposed flesh.
The gasoline air compressor was a 185 cubic feet per minute @ 90 PSI Grimmer-Schmidt unit that was basically a slightly modified 351 cubic inch (5.8l) Ford V-8 out of a full sized pickup truck, so it wasn't a toy either.
It used a lot of gas when it ran.
Like running a truck at 3/4 throttle the whole time it was making air.
Either go big or go home, right?
I could move a ton of sand with that rig per hour.
That got a lot of work done in a hurry.
(Like blast a pickup truck frame inside and out in about 30 minutes and shove $250 in your wallet for doing it kind of fast)

As I stepped rearward, there was nothing flat to stand on so my descent began while hanging on for dear life to the blast hose that turned into an infernal jet engine, ignoring the deadman valve on it out of fright so it was still full on and adding to my own gravity induced velocity.

I didn't dare let go of the hose in case the valve failed because it would likely whip you to death with the heavy nozzle assembly while shredding the flesh off you.
Panic was never going to let me release my grip either.
No way, not ever.

I hit the ground.
Hard.
Square on my butt.
The only saving grace to the impact was the amount of sand already on the ground.
Like maybe 2 tons of it from just that session.

As soon as I hit, I jumped up to my feet, relatively undamaged considering what it could have turned out like.
Before doing anything else, the first thing I did was scanned the area to see if anyone had seen me fall.
Nope, the coast was clear, no witnesses.
Cool, nothing to explain about acting the fool

The next step was finally remembering to loosen my grip on the nozzle that was still squirting sharp sand, slap the ball valve closed then hit the kill switch on the compressor.

In the end, all that happened to me was a broken tail bone and a little bit of my pride, but I did get to take this hilarious story from that day, so I'll call it a win

 

[Darkkin]

Frolicking, literally frolicking, through a field of tall grass with my Shibas as a teenager, I stepped in a hole and twisted my right ankle completely around, should have broken it, but do to my EDS, it was just a massive sprain. Still not sure how I managed to walk the mile home, but I did.

I ended up having to get a doctor's note to explain to the stroke judges that because of injury, I could not do breaststroke correctly again after it healed.

 

[AGXStarseed]

I'm on board with that.

Alright then. The following happened to a guy a met at an Autism Group (we'll call him "Ryan"); he wasn't originally from my home town and I wasn't there to witness this event (nor confirm whether it's actually true or a load of nonsense) but regardless, when he told me, I thought I was going to hurt myself.
I'll provide a bit of backstory here:

Ryan himself was pretty extroverted and in good shape as he liked to go to the gym and enjoyed playing Rugby, which he did in High School. He still got some crap from his schoolmates as he was quiet and awkward but he did decently.
The incident itself involved his teacher (we'll call her "Miss Jones"), who was a blonde woman in her mid 20's and was one of those teachers who was more "relaxed" to the rules - letting you talk to your friends and play music/play on your phone as long as you got the work done. Ryan said that she was easy to get on with and he did like her as she treated her students nicely and would stick up for him if someone in the class started behaving in a nasty way towards him.

On the day the incident happened (Ryan was in Year 10 and 15 years old at the time), it was a warm day in June but was chucking it down with rain; not the "fine rain that soaks you through" type but the "2 minutes of this and the road is now a river" type.
As for Ryan, he didn't have a printer at home so he'd do his homework on his computer, save it to a USB stick and then come into school early to print it off in the school library. On this day, he was running towards the main building but got stopped by Miss Jones - who was outside in the rain and asked if he'd come help her as she needed another pair of hands; assuring Ryan that it wouldn't take long when he said about going to the library to print his homework off.
In any case, he followed her back to their classroom. In his classroom was a tall, metal storage cupboard (something like this) with three cardboard boxes on top. Another teacher needed the boxes as they contained work he had to sort through and Miss Jones had offered to get them for him.

However, she wasn't tall enough to reach them and had tried placing a desk against the cupboard to climb on, only to find that it wobbled as the tiled floor near the storage cupboard wasn't entirely level. While it was better with the short end of the desk against the cupboard, it was still wobbly and so she wanted Ryan to hold the end of the desk steady while she retrieved the boxes.
Unfortunately, her concern for 'health and safety' apparently ended there as - in her rush to get the boxes down before lessons started - she left her coat on, which was soaking wet. From what Ryan told me, it wasn't just dripping but the corners of her coat basically had mini waterfalls running off them; getting water all over the desk. On top of that, Miss Jones was wearing high heel boots that day, so you can probably already guess what's going to happen.

Ryan himself pointed out the obvious safety hazard of her potentially slipping since the desk was getting covered in water, with her response been along the lines of "Oh, I'll be careful - I'm only going to be up here a few seconds".
With that, she managed to get two of the boxes down - her passing a box down to Ryan to put out of the way while she stayed still, after which he would hold the desk again and she'd continue - before finally taking her coat off as it was restricting her movement; Ryan hanging it on her chair before holding onto the end of the table again, although the "damage" had already been done as the desk was wet and covered in puddles.
(As for the rest of her clothing, Ryan said she was wearing jeans, a collared shirt and a cardigan that day).

However, the third and biggest box was harder to budge; it had multiple ring binders in it that were all full to bursting and the underside of the cardboard box had been - in Ryan's words - "duct taped to oblivion", with some of the tape having 'rolled over' and still been sticky so it was harder to move.
Now, instead of opening the box and taking out the ring binders one-by-one, Miss Jones instead decided - since she wanted to get this done before class started - to simply pull harder. As such, she leaned back a bit and gave the box a harder tug.
Ryan then said that what happened next seemed to happen in slow motion as he heard a loud "Squeak!" followed by a metallic "Clang!"; Miss Jones' boots having slid forward along the wet desk and into the closed doors of the metal cabinet. In that moment of surprise, she let go of the box (which had barely moved at all) and began to half stumble/half slip backwards along the desk - her legs kicking, her arms flailing in all directions and her making a "whoa-whoa-whoa!" noise.
Despite this, she managed to remain upright (Ryan laughing while explaining this to me that she must have had cat-like reflexes) and even managed to spin around so she was now stumbling/slipping forwards towards Ryan - who let go of the table and backed up.

However, she hadn't regained her balance as she reached the end of the table and - while still upright - ended up effectively launching herself off the table and into the air. However, Ryan managed some quick thinking at this point and - thanks to his Rugby training - he actually managed to catch her; grabbing hold of both sides of her waist and stopping her hitting the floor, with Ryan backing up upon catching her (which your body naturally does when catching something of a decent weight to keep your balance).
Unfortunately, as anyone who has played with a Newton's Cradle or seen a "wear your seatbelt" PIF/PSA will tell you, the rules of momentum are a thing. When Ryan caught Miss Jones, her legs both unintentionally swung forward. Her left leg swung past Ryan's right-hand side without issue, but her right leg swung forward...and kicked him in a rather sensitive spot between his legs.

As you can expect, Ryan screamed out in pain and his legs bent from the impact. As a result, he too lost his balance and fell over onto his back - thankfully not hitting his head on the floor - while Miss Jones then proceeded to fall on top of him; her unintentionally headbutting him in the chest on her "way down" (Ryan joking while telling me this that it was a good thing she didn't land over his face or it could have gotten much more awkward).
Needless to say, she quickly got off him and was checking him over while freaking out; Ryan simply waiting until he got some air back in his lungs before replying and slowly getting up.
After that, Ryan actually took the blame for what happened - claiming he'd tried to get the boxes, had slipped and then fallen awkwardly (hence why he was limping) - with him doing it for the teacher as, like I said earlier, he did like her and didn't want her to potentially lose her job.

The end result was him getting told off by his Head of Year for his actions and his parents getting a letter about it - with his parents just telling him off for "doing something so stupid". Needless to say, Miss Jones was thankful to him for "taking the rap" for her and apparently did become more safety-conscious after that incident.

 

[Nitro]

Years ago when I worked in the high tech sector, I built mass spectrometer probes that were wired with nickel wire that was wound on spools.
In order to make the required straight runs, we would stretch the wire between two pairs of pliers.

My favorite ones were a double ended set that had a diagonal cutter on one end and needle nose on the other.
They were connected with additional hinge points at the ends of the grips, so they were very handy for loop forming and snipping ends all on one package.
One morning, the wire snapped and set the needle nose deep into my other arm where it opened an artery.
Simple enough, apply pressure to a bandage and go to the emergency room for a patch.
I returned to work and my supervisor decided to modify the method to make it safer.
Put one end in the vise to hold it, and never use the needle nose for it.
So I complied and grabbed a pair of blunt linemans pliers.
The first wire snapped.
The blunt pliers went thru my lower lip and mangled by gums.
Less than an hour later, same ER, same triage nurse.
She said "what now?"

I told her I pierced my lip.
"how can you tell?"
I tried to puff it up for her and all it would do was gurgle.
"how did you manage to do that to yourself?"

The same way as the arm.

She laughed and told me to take a seat

 

[LadyS]

I remember when I was a tween, running smack right into a clear glass door, BAM right in the shnoz. It hurt like hell, but I pretended like nothing happened because a couple other people were watching. I don't think I convinced them though.

 

[Aspychata]

I am right up there with stupid bike ideas. I wanted to know what it's like to ride a giant hill straight down with my bike in front of my house. Seemed like a good idea at the time. As l landed on my **** l could see my mom sadly frowning at me from the top of our hill.

My other stupid one pony trick you ask? My dad was practicing jumping backwards off the ledge with his scuba gear on into our apartment pool. Of course being a young kid, l decided to emulate and jumped backwards and didn't jump out far enough to clear the pool ledge and slammed my chin into the ledge requiring a doc visit including stitches.

 

[Nitro]

I was coming home from work one evening in my little truck.
Driving down our little lane, there were a couple of smaller branches that would hit a magnetic based CB antenna that I had fastened to my roof.
The radio unit was just parked on the floor between the bucket seats with the antenna wire routed near the back of the cab and exiting past the door seal near the roof.

Like clockwork, it gave a double ding-a-ding so it was expected upon arrival.

One night, there was a single ding followed by what felt like a bullet had struck me in my right temple.

The branch knocked the antenna off the roof, it fell under the rear tire then it spooled the cable up as it moved forward.
That gunshot wound?
It was the CB radio trying to get out of the truck while my head was still in the way

 

[Luca]

I was running to get to class when I was a freshman in college, and ran right down a hill into a lightpost. There was too much momentum to stop. Lol

 

[Forest Cat]

I was running to get to class when I was a freshman in college, and ran right down a hill into a lightpost. There was too much momentum to stop. Lol

I did something similar, I was walking home and I was walking on a narrow strip of grass between the road and the sidewalk. There were big metal lightposts on that strip of grass. And I was thinking about something and looking down at the grass as I walked. And then I walked head first into a lightpost so hard that I bounced backwards and fell on my behind.
So stupid. And people saw it of course, so there was a lof of laughter.

 

[AGXStarseed]

I did something similar, I was walking home and I was walking on a narrow strip of grass between the road and the sidewalk. There were big metal lamp posts on that strip of grass. And I was thinking about something and looking down at the grass as I walked. And then I walked head first into a lamp post so so hard that I bounced backwards and fell on me behind. So stupid.

I've walked into a lamppost while playing my Gameboy Advance before.

 

[Metalhead]

How about the time when I was 3, my mother was making pizza for dinner, and I wanted a couple of slices of pepperoni. My mother told me to wait, I did not wait, I took a super sharp knife, sliced open both the package of pepperoni and my hand. When I tried to get her attention, she said wait a few minutes, so I ran to the bathroom to look for a Band Aid. According to my father, he walks in there a few minutes later and asks my mother where I am. She said she did not know, so my father suggested that she might want to follow the massive trail of blood I left behind. So, they said the bathroom sink was covered in blood along with the walls, and here I was keeping a cool head just looking for the Band Aids when what I really needed was quite a few sutures.

 

[Darkkin]

I've walked into a lamppost while playing my Gameboy Advance before.

I walked into the corner of the wall while walking and reading. Ended up with a black eye and broken glasses, but I did finish my chapter.

 

[Qoyote]

Hurting my back at all at 19 is kinda funny. Hurting it playing Dance Dance Revolution in 2022's definitely funny. Hurting it because my core's too weak to handle Dance Dance Revolution is hilarious.

 

[Bolletje]

Ah I remember another one featuring my toes (my poor toes really take a beating):

Walking down a very steep flight of stairs on my socks, I slipped on a step and fell. The stairs didn’t go straight down but went around a corner. Trying to break my fall, I had the idiotic idea to stretch out my legs. I did not break my fall, but I did break yet another toe because I kicked the handrail very hard with just the one toe.

 

[Luca]

I wish I had a dollar for every time one of my dogs has jumped into my face, trying to lick me, and almost broken my nose. Lol

 

[AGXStarseed]

Geez, some of these accidents sound painful - and I thought the fictional character from this song had a rough day:

 

[Luca]

I remember when I was a tween, running smack right into a clear glass door, BAM right in the shnoz. It hurt like hell, but I pretended like nothing happened because a couple other people were watching. I don't think I convinced them though.

That happened to me too!! And in a hotel, where everyone could see it.
I'm pretty sure I gave myself a concussion. And this was at like 10am when there were a bunch of people around.
I was running from the pool area to the lobby to try to get to the complimentary breakfast, because I had seen before I got in the pool that they had little boxes of Fruit Loops. I was in a bathing suit too.
You would think this had happened when I was a little kid... nope, I was like 19 or 20. Lol

 

[Callistemon]

@Bolletje, you know how I told you I once had stitches in my ankle that caused a very similar situation with exercise etc as your recent Achilles problem? Wasn't supposed to put tension on the skin for three weeks, walk with crutches. I was young and didn't know where to get crutches, so I hopped everywhere on one leg for that time, so there's your first laugh. These days I'd be using an iWalk with something like that (as I did when I broke my foot in a stupid accident in 2018).

But I didn't tell you how I got the injury that needed stitching, and it's kind of funny. I was taking senior students on a combined Biology excursion, camping at a remote beach - three staff, 30 students. We put up tents and then I availed myself of the local facilities - an outdoors compost toilet. When leaving this edifice again, I swung the door open and walked out. I didn't reckon with the wind gust that came next (we live in the Roaring Forties), which picked up the door and slammed it into my left ankle as I was walking away.

The door was a wooden door but the bottom edge was sharp metal framing - not a construction type I've seen before or since, or paid much attention to at the time of my business transaction in these hallowed facilities, as my mind was otherwise engaged, ingoing due to the rather long interval since I had last had the opportunity to visit a toilet, and outgoing because my head was already with what we needed to do next with the students. Also I didn't generally closely examine the architecture of toilet doors as a young person (although I have subsequently been conditioned to, both by what happened that day, and many years later by building our own house ).

It was really lucky I was wearing ankle-supporting hiking boots, because the brunt of the blow from the sharp edge was dissipated by cutting through the padded suede cuff. Otherwise my tendon would likely have been severed. This way I just ended up with a deep cut in the overlying skin that required me to attend at the hospital for stitching - and that was the end of the Biology camp for me, before we had even started with the business end of that. Because the hospital said I couldn't go back and walk around, and sent me home instead.

I've still got the faint scar from that to remind me. And I am now thoroughly forewarned of potential injuries arising from outdoors toilets...

 

[SimonSays]

@crewlucaa_ @LadyS

Blimey! I wonder how many of us have actually done this?

I was about 10, when I ran into a huge plate glass window in the lobby of a hotel. Just because it was clear didn't mean there was nothing there, and yet I ran straight into it as if it was somehow an empty space. I was so shocked I couldn't believe what had happened, and also really glad that I hadn't gone through it. I remember being very embarrassed too. Fortunately it wasn't seen by anyone, at least that's what I told myself at the time.

 

[AGXStarseed]

I remember I've had a few funny instances where I've fallen off my bike before.

One involved me quickly turning my handlebars from right to left multiple times in quick succession - only to end up with my bike crashing; myself been thrown sideways off the saddle and ending up with a bloody knee; limping home as a result.

Another time, I ended up going over the handlebars of my bike after my shoelaces got caught in the chain. Thankfully, the only injury was that my butt was hurting for a bit.