Why does society view autistic people as mentally incompetent?

[Tired]

Autism is a very unknown thing in Ukraine, Russia and Serbia. The words "retarded" and "autistic" are used as synonyms, and it's fun for teenagers to call themselves autistic when they do smth stupid or have some hobby they like a lot.

 

[vergil96]

I didn't tell my coworkers. It's not a topic, it doesn't come up.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Neurotypicals are a strange lot that often don't deal well with directness.

I am absolutely planning on stealing that quote.

Most people know the term "autism", but only a tiny percentage actually know what it means.

I was part of that "Most" until 3 years ago.

 

[Judge]

Well for what it is worth, you seem to function pretty well to me and I wouldn't have guessed you'd ever been diagnosed with mild disability. You communicate and express yourself very well. But I'm also autistic as well so we're partly on the same wavelength of understanding.

Though unfortunately if you tell a neurotypical that you have a diagnosis of "borderline intellectual functioning" most are going to jump to the worst stereotype they have in their minds and won't give you a proper chance to show who you are and what you really can do. Again, if someone is going to give you a hard time about it, that is a red flag and it is best just to move on and put those folks out of your mind if you can. Which I understand you can't do if it's friends/family/work.

This seems like a very good explanation for the prejudice the OP has been receiving. I as well could never match her responses here in this forum to such a low IQ score.

Another issue that may compound it all is possibly a poor relationship between her boyfriend and her parents. That her parents may not approve of him, a common scenario for overprotective and well-intended parents. But then his threats to end the relationship also give reason to being suspicious of his relationship with the OP.

And then to consider the above post I quoted, where unfair and inaccurate stereotypes of autism may abound in this situation, making it all one big mess. Worse perhaps, if this whole issue of medical guardianship is primarily based on the prejudice of the parents not so much towards their own child, but rather as an attempt to get her boyfriend out of the picture. That he comes across as a threat to them, whether they have children together or not.

Unfortunately there are too many variables in what might be the case here for us to accurately read beyond just speculating. However it must be stressed how damaging the usual stereotypes of autism can be for us in general. Even if and when they simply are not true.

Good reason for being incredibly selective about who or why you attempt to explain your autism to much of anyone. Where the odds are so high that you will be met with confusion and hostility far more likely than with reason and understanding.

 

[Mary Terry]

Some autistics proliferate like rabbits, and nobody stops them.
Not naming names...Musk

And no one thinks Musk is mentally incompetent.

 

[Judge]

One of the first things that come to mind when discussing stereotypes of autism is Kanner's Syndrome, better known as "classic autism". An often visibly disturbing and perplexing type of autism that NTs are likely to be repelled by.

With a second consideration always coming to mind as well. The three most likely outcomes when it comes to the whole issue of autism, and all the different manifestations that can accompany it:

* That there will always be a tiny few who truly want to understand, and will succeed in doing so.

* That a few more will truly want to understand and fail.

* Leaving the rest bewildered and indifferent, particularly when they haven't ever had direct contact with our kind. Leaving them to expecting and even demanding that it is we who must conform to their social standards and protocols. Even if we can't.

 

[dancerxoxo123]

One of the first things that come to mind when discussing stereotypes of autism is Kanner's Syndrome, better known as "classic autism". An often visibly disturbing and perplexing type of autism that NTs are likely to be repelled by.

With a second consideration always coming to mind as well. The three most likely outcomes when it comes to the whole issue of autism, and all the different manifestations that can accompany it:

* That there will always be a tiny few who truly want to understand, and will succeed in doing so.

* That a few more will truly want to understand and fail.

* Leaving the rest bewildered and indifferent, particularly when they haven't ever had direct contact with our kind. Leaving them to expecting and even demanding that it is we who must conform to their social standards and protocols. Even if we can't.

Yeah why don’t some understand is therefore I am bullied for being autistic?

 

[dancerxoxo123]

I had a thought just now that perhaps if you are going to tell someone that you have a diagnosis of "borderline intellectual functioning" you could defuse the delivery with a bit of humor. Something like "While I have a diagnosis of borderline intellectual functioning, don't worry I'm on the good side of the border".

I know I mentioned above that often neurotypicals will jump to stigma, but as well often they just don't know how to act. They don't want to say the wrong thing and can be overly cautious and a bit of humor lets them relax and realize there is nothing to worry about. You're just another person. Neurotypicals are a strange lot that often don't deal well with directness.

Yeah why will they just jump to stigma? What stigma do they think?

 

[Judge]

Yeah why don’t some understand is therefore I am bullied for being autistic?

It's why MOST don't understand. Though it's no secret that autism is not easy to understand to begin with.

And then to consider a very basic human reaction. That people in general are so easily disturbed by someone who differs from their own herd and in so many possible ways.

 

[Tired]

It's why MOST don't understand. Though it's no secret that autism is not easy to understand to begin with.

And then to consider a very basic human reaction. That people in general are so easily disturbed by someone who differs from their own herd and in so many possible ways.

My "something is weird alarm" often goes off when I ask SO how does he feel, and there is a long pause and then he says "I dont know." For me it's strange, how can someone not know how they feel. And he feels awkward about it as well, he understands that from thw side it looks super awkward, and if someone woukd give him that answer he wouldn't know what to say or do bback. Of course nothing to bully anyone for, but that feeling i get inside is just not good. I learned to ignore it, but yeah I seem to be hardwired to feel that smth is off and feel very anxious about it.

 

[Tired]

I also remember how I was with my ASD ex on the autism meeting, and he told me about another autistic guy "that guy is creepy." So even autistics have that "something is weird" alarm as well it seems.
Of course no one should bully anyone because they're different, im just explaining my that there is this "off" feeling about some people, autistic or not.

 

[Judge]

My "something is weird alarm" often goes off when I ask SO how does he feel, and there is a long pause and then he says "I dont know." For me it's strange, how can someone not know how they feel. And he feels awkward about it as well, he understands that from thw side it looks super awkward, and if someone woukd give him that answer he wouldn't know what to say or do bback. Of course nothing to bully anyone for, but that feeling i get inside is just not good. I learned to ignore it, but yeah I seem to be hardwired to feel that smth is off and feel very anxious about it.

Good that you bring that up. The first thing that comes to mind over such a scenario is the aspect of real-time. That so often we cannot necessarily process communicating with other people in real-time. That we have to step back on reflect on something rather than risk an impromptu response that might cause problems.

At least that's how I accept such situations....for better or worse. I suppose the thing to realize is that this is more about us and likely no reflection on you personally.

 

[Xinyta]

Yeah why don’t some understand is therefore I am bullied for being autistic?

I'd like to first reccomend the book 'Neurotribes' by Steve Silberman, if you haven't read it yet. It covers what @Judge is talking about, plus more.

As for why people do it. Insecurities, fear, misunderstanding, facing the unknown, tribalism. But that is the nature of the beast. Not everyone will be vocal about it. And the few that are, are very loud. Truthfully. Those that make a point to put down others for thier differences, are insecure with themselves and/or generally act on fear.

Yeah why will they just jump to stigma? What stigma do they think?

Pick one:

"Autism is a disease that must be cured."

"Autism stole my happy child from me!"

"Autism is a form of psychosis."

"Autism was caused by vaccines!"

Autism is something that, by science's and conserned parent's opinions, something that must have a tangible reason to exist as a 'disability' and thus must have a way to be reversed. That something is misfiring in the brain that is out of whack or some kinda psychological phenomenon. (ie: Psychosis, A Personality Disorder, Dementia, Psychological Trama, Chemical Imbalances, etc.)

It's all shots into the dark to explain something they have no idea how to define. Science will not accept something undefinable. Thus will throw things at the wall, till something sticks.

 

[the_tortoise]

My "somethis is weird alarm" often goes off when I ask SO how does he feel, and there is a long pause and then he says "I dont know." For me it's strange, how can someone not know how they feel. And he feels awkward about it as well, he understands that from thw side it looks super awkward, and if someone woukd give him that answer he wouldn't know what to say or do bback. Of course nothing to bully anyone for, but that feeling i get inside is just not good. I learned to ignore it, but yeah I seem to be hardwired to feel that smth is off and feel very anxious about it.

I also remember how I was with my ex on the autism meeting, and he told me about another autistic guy "that guy is creepy." So even autistics have that "something is weird" alarm as well it seems.
Of course no one should bully anyone because they're different, im just explaining my that there is this "off" feeling about some people, autistic or not.

That is interesting...I don't know if I can believe it is 100% hardwired -- I think there is a learned component.

Honestly what you describe for your own reaction sounds like xenophobia -- you see something strange that you cannot understand, and it causes you anxiety..? Only you know, though -- if it is that or something much more specific and way different.

Some people find strange = fascinating/open question as their default, as opposed to strange = scary/threat

I haven't looked at research about this kind of thing carefully ever, and in passing not for many years....

I think when the instinct or instinct+experience is about people:

and results in fear, the baseline reason is that unknown people displaying unknown behaviours could be dangerous -- brain chooses to default to be hesitant and cautious about some or all unknown behaviour things.

Whereas when the reaction is fascination or curiosity, it is maybe novelty-seeking or drive to acquire knowldge or broad selection of social connections.

Whereas the reaction of neutral "unknown open question" is ...? Balance between the two? Extreme social oblivion? (In my case could be either...)

I do know there is some interesting prelikinary research about how trauma gets encoded into genes and may impact learning and behaviour intergenerationally as pure biology before personal
experience can happen.

 

[Tired]

Good that you bring that up. The first thing that comes to mind over such a scenario is the aspect of real-time. That so often we cannot necessarily process communicating with other people in real-time. That we have to step back on reflect on something rather than risk an impromptu response that might cause problems.

At least that's how I accept such situations....for better or worse. I suppose the thing to realize is that this is more about us and likely no reflection on you personally.

But it's strange to tell me 10 minutes later how you felt 10 minutes ago. That's the whole point of asking how does someone feel
I just dont understand how someone doesn't know how they feel, we're just different like that, which is fine.

 

[Forest Cat]

But it's strange to tell me 10 minutes later how you felt 10 minutes ago. That's the whole point of asking how does someone feel
I just dont understand how someone doesn't know how they feel, we're just different like that, which is fine.

The question "how do you feel" is in the same category as "what are you thinking about". And for us guys, we only get those questions from women. I have never asked a guy how he felt or what he was thinking about. So when we get those questions, we just don't really know what to say. Guys aren't built to handle such questions, it's unnatural.

I'm joking but there is a little truth to it too. How do you feel, to answer that I have to stop what I'm doing and think about it and then try to explain how I feel with words. It's just easier to not do that, so we don't. And if we have to answer, the go-to answer is "I don't know". Or "fine". Short and sweet.

 

[Tired]

That is interesting...I don't know if I can believe it is 100% hardwired -- I think there is a learned component.

Honestly what you describe for your own reaction sounds like xenophobia -- you see something strange that you cannot understand, and it causes you anxiety..? Only you know, though -- if it is that or something much more specific and way different.

Some people find strange = fascinating/open question as their default, as opposed to strange = scary/threat

I haven't looked at research about this kind of thing carefully ever, and in passing not for many years....

I think when the instinct or instinct+experience is about people:

and results in fear, the baseline reason is that unknown people displaying unknown behaviours could be dangerous -- brain chooses to default to be hesitant and cautious about some or all unknown behaviour things.

Whereas when the reaction is fascination or curiosity, it is maybe novelty-seeking or drive to acquire knowldge or broad selection of social connections.

Whereas the reaction of neutral "unknown open question" is ...? Balance between the two? Extreme social oblivion? (In my case could be either...)

I do know there is some interesting prelikinary research about how trauma gets encoded into genes and may impact learning and behaviour intergenerationally as pure biology before personal
experience can happen.

Because I am very anxious person, I want some stability. Knowing how someone feels helps me understand did I do smth wrong, can I help a person, is all good etc. So when I get "I dont know," I feel anxious. Maybe that's at least a part for why I feel that way.
Of course sometimes he hyperfocuses or does smth else weird and im just like "he's cute/funny/I'll let him be," but this specific thing just makes me feel bad.

 

[the_tortoise]

I think low IQ is stigmatized at least as much as autism...actually worse since so many ASDers stigmatize and "other" fellow ASDers and really anyone with more cognitive differences/impairments or low IQ

...and people don't understand that having intellectual disability (ID) doesn't mean you cannot learn things, make good choices, be indepedent, be insightful, communicate, have talents, have a career -- like any other category of intellectual functioning, ID is a spectrum of many abilities.

Yet people see ID and autism as black and white ( ironic because we are supposed to be the super simplistic black and white thinkers) -- that if you have ID you must be unable to do anything, or at least not anything "normal"

And that if you don't have ID then you cannot possibly have any severe impairment -- anything you truly cannot do...

Both ideas are just wrong.

Having an intellectual disability or autism (or NVLD or ADHD or dyslexia or dyspraxia or dyscalcula or language disability or whatever else) often just means some things are harder for you to learn or to do, or take you longer, or that you need a bit more help than most. There's nothing wrong with that and people shouldn't be written off an unable to do anything at all!

One thing I would like to see become more commone is supported decision making orders -- a better option than guardianship for many who truly are capable of making their own choices but might need help considering all the information or communicating their questions, concerns, and decisions to others.

 

[Tired]

The question "how do you feel" is in the same category as "what are you thinking about". And for us guys, we only get those questions from women. I have never asked a guy how he felt or what he was thinking about. So when we get those questions, we just don't really know what to say.

I'm joking but there is a little truth to it too. How do you feel, to answer that I have to stop what I'm doing and think about it and then try to explain how I feel with words. It's just easier to not do that, so we don't. And if we have to answer, the go-to answer is "I don't know". Short and sweet.

My ex husband never asked me what I'm thinking about, yet my SO asks me this very often, because he has emotional blindness and most of the time has no idea how I feel unless I tell him

 

[the_tortoise]

Because I am very anxious person, I want some stability. Knowing how someone feels helps me understand did I do smth wrong, can I help a person, is all good etc. So when I get "I dont know," I feel anxious. Maybe that's at least a part for why I feel that way.

This makes perfect sense (Thanks for helping me to understand)

Of course sometimes he hyperfocuses or does smth else weird and im just like "he's cute/funny/I'll let him be," but this specific thing just makes me feel bad.

I don't think you have anything to feel bad about - you aren't mean to him, you are aware and you can't help it. Not a bad thing - just a thing.