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Who else doesn't want kids?

Seladon

New Member
Hmm, timely thread. Am happy that ASD people, especially women, have a space to speak freely about this.

Recently in my 30s, I've never wanted childen nor had any intrusive thoughts or broodiness before now. However, now and then lately, I do drift into weird little fantasies about having a toddler or a young school-aged child with my fantasy crush. Alarming! Not sure whether to chalk that up to an actual desire that's been repressed, or to biology and hormones.

While others have said I'd make a good mother and ought to consider it at my stage of life, still I'm undecided, and I think that indecision alone means I should decline. I believe you have to want children deeply and prioritise them in order to be a good parent.

There's also considerations like those listed above, such as medical risks, sensory issues, sleep deprivation etc. My mother among countless other women almost died in childbirth, so there's certainly horrors involved if not all goes well. Girls & young women don't receive ample truthful information about childbirth in education imo.
 

Shevek

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
As far as I could tell, people had children in order to appear normal, and I didn't care much about that. I don't think I learned any parenting that I wanted to pass on. However, the big reason is that I've always had some awareness of how unusual our times are. Mine was the first generation that had to prevent war to save the planet from nukes, and before I was ten, I saw that we would have to re-invent our energy supplies. I decided that I wouldn't support kids until I could do it without cutting into their natural inheritance, and never got close. Now, I'm very glad I only have to worry about other people's kids.
 

Ken

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I have suffered a rather extreme case of pedophobia all my life. I was terrified of children when I was a child and that has not changed anytime sense.
Before getting married, we both had to agree - no children.
 

lovely_darlingprettybaby

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I'm just curious, how many people are out there who don't have an interest in having kids? I'm one of them.

I'm too selfish for children, it would be unfair to subject them to that! But also, there's just no desire for them.

I had an NT friend of mine tell me that that would send men (in my case) running the other direction. Do people here agree with that? If you were a guy, and your girlfriend/romantic interest said kids were a no-go, would you look for love elsewhere?

I'm really interested in what everyone has to say. I want to know what guys are thinking about what I say and do.
I would love the person regardless but it us with conflicting desires
I think love overrides but it is hard if you are desperate for a child
I wanted kids when I was young but over time I thought I would not have kids and got used to the idea.
I have become quite clunky lately and would love a baby
You could adopt too
Kids are hard work but it is very special.
I just never expected to have one and may still not.
But I would love the experience
 

lovely_darlingprettybaby

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Interesting. I'll need to look this up.

That's understandable. I'm a cuddly person, but had been let down by a lot of people in the past, especially my family and can't imagine having kids. It's hard enough looking after my own needs for starters.
That is true, giving to someone else and looking after needs after much neglect is very challenging
 

Arsinoe

Member
I'm just curious, how many people are out there who don't have an interest in having kids? I'm one of them.

I'm too selfish for children, it would be unfair to subject them to that! But also, there's just no desire for them.

I had an NT friend of mine tell me that that would send men (in my case) running the other direction. Do people here agree with that? If you were a guy, and your girlfriend/romantic interest said kids were a no-go, would you look for love elsewhere?

I'm really interested in what everyone has to say. I want to know what guys are thinking about what I say and do.
Me (raises hand)
 

Arsinoe

Member
I'm just curious, how many people are out there who don't have an interest in having kids? I'm one of them.

I'm too selfish for children, it would be unfair to subject them to that! But also, there's just no desire for them.

I had an NT friend of mine tell me that that would send men (in my case) running the other direction. Do people here agree with that? If you were a guy, and your girlfriend/romantic interest said kids were a no-go, would you look for love elsewhere?

I'm really interested in what everyone has to say. I want to know what guys are thinking about what I say and do.
I know a couple here where I live, in which BOTH have consciously decided to not have kids and are perfectly happy in their marriage. So while it is not very frequent to see married couples who don't want kids, it is also not so rare. Also, most people make the mistake to think that marriage is complete only with kids. That's just wrong. You don't marry/stay with someone just for the probability of breeding. That's just weird. You marry someone because you love them and want to stay with them permanently and exclusively. Whether you'll have kids or not is an entirely different thing.
 

Princess Viola

Well-Known Member
I mean I'm aroace and am pretty open about how annoying I find children, I absolutely, and in no uncertain terms, ever want to have children of any type - biological or adopted.

If I want to raise and take care of another living being, then let me have a cat instead. Cats can be my children.
 

Arsinoe

Member
I mean I'm aroace and am pretty open about how annoying I find children, I absolutely, and in no uncertain terms, ever want to have children of any type - biological or adopted.

If I want to raise and take care of another living being, then let me have a cat instead. Cats can be my children.
Yeah pretty much the same here. I do like kids, from a distance and I'm also very protective of them plus I have a niece and 3 nephews. But that's the closest I'd want to be near them. I generally like them from afar and don't really like spending a lot of time with them, they literally drain me. I don't have emotional, mental or even physical energy to be around them and I can't for the life of me, act like a clown for anyone.
Worst part is when everyone around you just expects you to like them and/or want them and even tries to push you to 'nanny' their kids too.
 

blue_bird

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I would like to have kids, but it's highly unlikely to happen. Which may be a good thing since I'm perhaps not fit enough emotionally to bear the responsibility of kids.
 

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