TL/DR:
After my husband became physically abusive, I left and was forced to reach out to others for my own safety.
Added bonus: I found community and mask less now.
And a feral cat story.
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Since I left my marriage when he put his hands on me for the first and last time...
my boss, my doctor and nurses, the veterinarians and the people who work at the vets' office,
total strangers on the street [not so much now but I was desperate and hurting and now some of those strangers are close acquaintances],
a few homeless people and street musicians that befriended me when I first moved here,
the young people and homeless people and poor people and others who also attend the free Food Not Bombs community dinners here,
two friends from my old town who are not friends with my soon to be legally an ex,
domestic violence advocate and agency,
an informal support group for people in my age bracket who have also been Othered by society.
---
[I am in addiction recovery too but interestingly enough, I remain on the periphery of recovery type groups although there are a few people there who have made it into my list of friendly acquaintances].
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Before I left my husband, I was pretty much on my own.
I have learned to lean on others when I need to while maintaining my own sense of "I am still the one who has to do my own work" for as long as I am physically and mentally able to.
It is called interdependence-- something I used to know the definition of but had never really experienced.
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I wish the abuse had never happened BUT I also know that the man I married never existed.
[Who he was and who I thought he was are really different].
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One of my cats was a former feral kitten living with a bunch of other feral cats and kittens at my aunt's house. She feeds them. [I have advocated for a local Trap, Neuter, Release program for them but my aunt won't do it. She is in cognitive decline].
One of the kittens disappeared for a few days and came back with an eye injury and bleeding from both ends. I really thought she was going to die.
She didn't.
But her injury allowed her to accept human contact. When she was able to walk again, she continued to allow us to pet her.
Her eye wasn't better. I took her to the vet who fixed her and had to remove the eye. She is now an indoor cat and she is mine. She is very affectionate. She loves my older cat and the dog. They love her.
One feral quality she retained is that she plays harder than non-ferals.
She is a total delight.
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Much like this cat, in the midst of a severe crisis, I was forced to reach out to others for my own safety.
The other thing is that now I mask less. I am becoming my most authentic autistic self.
China
PS Tennessee Williams said,
"We are all sentenced to solitary confinement inside our own skins, for life."