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What's on your mind right now?

l barely made it thru move. l was frightened last nite. l acknowledged it. I deal with the trauma feelings as they come up. l don't ignore or bury. There is a side of me that just sits and maintains. That's why l needed new place to chill and stare at four walls on bad days.
 
Sometimes I wonder why I feel scared during this difficult time, even though people tell me everything will be okay.
 
I am scared to move to my own house away from my parents. I feel stressed and anxious but if i were to start working i don't want to risk them since they're older than 65.
 
Well, I just made a huge leap for my future I guess, I finally chose the topic for my graduation project next semester, I don't want to go too deep or technical here, but is about validation methods for a RISC V microprocessor with 2 methods of analysis.
 
I just ordered a jewelry kit from Amazon, because I know they tend to make money and sell more than most handmade things. My grandmother may give me tips as well.
 
Don't know if l screwed up at work. But people were busy trying to push my buttons. l need a break. l need to take care of paperwork.
 
I put the elephant back up in the tree at the cemetery.

I thought somebody had taken it out.
But it was just the wind...
I found him...on the ground. Put him back up there. Stood on a bench to do it this time.
IDK whose elephant it was originally.
I found it in the spring...not at anybody's place.

I figured if it was important enough to somebody leave an "I love you" elephant, it shouldn't just turn into trash.
So I put him in the tree months ago...

And now he's back up there again.
 
An old friend from high school contacted my mom, letting her and me know that he is doing fine. Problem is, I'm already at a good place with my imaginary BF. I like my old friend a lot, and he is usually a nice person, but I fear his Tourette's may cause him to lash out at me, and I don't want that to happen to me again.
 
Getting everything done at work this week and a purchase I was not going to make at first came in today.A 100th anniversary Snap On 1/4 drive socket set,paid a grand for it which my dealer made me a deal on it.Collector's item for me.
 
I have to stop ordering things online. But I just can't seem to help it. Yesterday the the stupid post made a delivery attempt with a parcel I ordered and i was HOME at the time but I live upstairs and couldn't hear them at the door. So instead of leaving it on my doorstep or even a notice they just take it and leave and it's only because I was busy getting ready to go out shopping with my brother at 3 and didn't go downstairs ten times that day to check the mailbox like I've doing every other day all week long while my frustration builds and builds. Covid 19 is no excuse, they HAD my package they just didn't bother to leave it there and I have no idea why there was no notice even the post office doesn't know why there wasn't one when I called them, god I hate the post they cannot be relied on at all.:mad:

It doesn't matter, that comet people have been watching will probably hit the earth and kill us all, anyway.:(
 
My cellphone is refusing to charge at all lately. I may have to take it to the place I got it from so they can find out what is wrong with it.
 
I got caught in a hail storm in the park whilst staffing. Everyone else there ran off to find shelter - I stayed put. It was the most invigorating moment of my week.

Ed
 
Today’s status unclear, pending more coffee.

Saw my mum for first time in seven months yesterday and Friday eve: that was good.
 
I enjoyed the cold rainy winters day in bed, surrounded by 2 of my k9 kids, watching TV.
I was in heaven. :innocent:
 
It's almost been a year since my ex filed for divorced. I didn't know it back then, but the marriage was a huge burden on my sanity. Although I didn't express it at first due to denial, I feel grateful because he was running me ragged with his hoarding, running up his credit cards, his eating habits, and his behavior.

Now I have my own standards if I decide to find another man: if the next man I find is oppressing me, then it's a deal breaker. For now though, I'll stick to my imaginary BF; at least I know he is supportive and calm.
 
I wonder if I’ll ever be able to live on my own or at least in a semi-independent manner. Don’t want a group home, far too much forced socialization, but maybe some form of assisted living. Unfortunately the only sort of thing that might work for me and is even remotely near us waited until partway through the application process to tell us that having a job is a requirement for the program (and yes, I did read everything on their Web site and thoroughly read all paperwork we were given (I’m the weirdo who actually reads everything before signing), and it was not mentioned anywhere - in fact, it was mentioned that they could help find employment, and stated several times in a boastful manner that they had a 100% employment rate (leaving out the fact that that’s probably only because they don’t let anyone who’s unemployed in)). That’s another thing I may or may not ever be able to do.

I really want my own place so I can just start from scratch and have a clean, organized space of my own, rather than having to work through all the dust and grime and clutter here at my parents’ house - I think it would do wonders for my mental health. By managing my own apartment, I’d feel like I was actually doing something, and the only person I’d be a burden to is myself (unfortunately I would require assistance of some kind, but hey, they’d at least be getting paid for it). I wantto have a neat, tidy place and don’t mind cleaning (hey, I was a janitor for a year and a half or so... granted that’s in large part because that was the only job I could get...) but our house just completely overwhelms me, is why I really want to just start from scratch.

Unfortunately, it looks like there is no assisted living program or anything that would accept me in my area (Kansas City metro, Kansas side), and I will probably end up living with my parents until they can no longer care for me, and then I’ll be foisted off to some relative or another. And we can’t consider doing anything at all even if it turned out that the perfect place had opened up two blocks away from us, not until all the COVID-19 stuff is over and probably once I’m as close to back to full health as I’m getting, which won’t be for a long time yet, in all likelihood. So why should I even bother wondering now? I’m very much in a “have to take things as they come” position, but I want to know if I have anything to look forward to, and if so, what? And when? I hate just not knowing anything.
 
What's on my mind. The amount of young guys who pick themselves out for older woman. Go find your age group. Let me age in peace. Aging is difficult, l don't need to be slammed by you.
 
So you don't want to be a cougar?
Interesting. ;)

I am autistic which means l don't crave constant attention from the opposite sex of any age. In fact l crave a great cup of coffee over everything else. @Jonn are you aware of what forum you are on?
 
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