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What's a relationship like? (I am an Aromantic Asexual)

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Voltekka_MK3

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Pretty much what the title says. For me relationships don't seem worth the effort and just seem pointless to me. However, I would like to hear some of your experiences with relationships since i may miss some things about them.
 
I do somewhat identify with being aromantic... not really asexual though.

I view my relationship mostly as a good friend with whom I share a bit more private things as well. If you're asexual and have no interest in that entire spectrum the private thing might not be that relevant in terms of having sex. But perhaps you have a few personal matters you would like to discuss with someone in person and don't want to share on a forum.. perhaps that's what you're missing out on, provided you are looking for such things.

The question might be "do you have any good friends with whom you can share anything?"
 
Hmm very good response. To be honest i don't have any friends, since i am quite asocial and no one around my area seems worth being a friend. But yeah i guess you're right about having someone that you can trust can discuss things with privately and honestly. Thanks for your input :) !
 
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I'm surprised that you've only gotten one response so far. I haven't had many sexual/romantic relationships, just one girlfriend and a couple of people that I casually dated for a few months each.

The part I like the most is physical affection. Sex is nice but can get repetitive and physically tiring, and I had it before I was close to these people (mistake), so it wasn't easy to relax. I figured out sex rather easily, but I never did figure out how to kiss the "right" way and was (still am!) paranoid about it.

I tend to be in my head, and it's difficult to get out my mind and be in the moment, especially since I'm constantly trying to figure out how to act and what the other person wants. The worst part of dealing with people, relationship-wise or not, is not knowing what they want/expect, particularly since they don't explicitly tell me.

Dates were the worst. I had no idea what to do, I had nothing to say and wasn't much interested in what my dates talked about, I forced myself to make eye contact, I got tired from the social interaction and travel to where we met and would go home and crawl into bed, sometimes with a migraine. It was pretty much impossible to enjoy myself with a stranger. I had to force myself to keep seeing the person, but I never got completely comfortable except with my ex-girlfriend.
 
That sounds quite stressful and hard to deal with. I dislike Physical affection (Kissing, Cuddling, Touching) since i get this ugh feeling, its got nothing to with the person its just my natural reaction to it. I don't like dates either, they just seem so artificial and forced rather than genuine conversations. Thank you for sharing your experience :) it was interesting to hear.
 
Yes, it is stressful. It's basically a gamble. Dates are indeed artificial and forced, but I haven't figured out another way to get to know people, so I just blindly went along with the social convention. On the positive side, dates provide some amount of structure to the interaction, which makes it a bit easier for some people to focus on getting to know someone, I think.
 
Voltekka_MK3 said:
That sounds quite stressful and hard to deal with. I dislike Physical affection (Kissing, Cuddling, Touching) since i get this ugh feeling, its got nothing to with the person its just my natural reaction to it. I don't like dates either, they just seem so artificial and forced rather than genuine conversations. Thank you for sharing your experience :) it was interesting to hear.
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I usually feel that way. Usually I like physical affection with small children -platonic obviously- but not with adults.
Dates on the other hand? Ugh.
 
I would have to second King_Oni, it's mainly about the open, full, and complete trust of emotions and thoughts with another person. Like having your best friend around all the time, but like he said, plus "more". But it is a lot of hard work with heartache to be had all along the way from time to time regardless of being and NT or not, seeing as no two individuals are exactly alike. Toes are bound to be stepped on when you're around each other all the time. So if you feel completely comfortable not having a partner because you have good friends you're able to share your emotions and life with you're not missing out on anything, lol.
 
It's awesome for me, but I like sex and cuddling, so long as we avoid my "discomfort zones." I like having a constant companion as opposed to having to socialize more to find friends.
 
I usually don't like people hugging me or touching me that much. I suppose I'm one of those aspies who are sensitive to being touched.
 
Different people on the spectrum have different levels of comfort with physical contact. Ive yet to meet someone who is 100% cool with being touched, though. Some are asexual in part bc of it. /shrug
 
I'm sort of a mix between bisexual and sapiosexual though. I would love to maybe have an NT or Aspie boyfriend or girlfriend but their looks don't matter to me. Their intelligence is fine with me. :)
 
I just hope that if I get an NT boyfriend or girlfriend, that they will understand me once I feel the need to tell him or her that I'm an Aspie.
 
I was married to my wife 6 years before she found out I was an aspie, lol (or me for that matter). You can make things work with the right person, if that is your goal, but don't "hope" for it, "work" for it. Work yields better results than hope 9.9 times out of 10. Trust me, I got an A in making up statistics like15 years ago.
 
It's nearly the same here with the whole "finding out I'm an Aspie" thing except I'm not an adult (I'm an Aspie adolescent...) yet which is a good thing. :) My family knew about 9 years before I did that I had autism. I will work for it though.
 
Few things in terms of relationships and socializing come easily or naturally to us. We have to work at it and probably at least twice as hard as NT's , who also find this difficult.

Being a teenager aware of your nature is an advantage though. You can plan ahead aware of the difficulties. There are folks here who will tell you that you have limits. That's really your call though whether you believe it. I didn't know I was an aspie growing up, only that **** was harder for me. So I worked harder at it. Had someone told me it wouldn't do me any good and that there were limits, I might have listened. That would've been a mistake for me. Youve got to decide what you want in life and pursue it diligently. I wont go so far as to say anything is possible. That just isn't true. I will never be a pro athlete. However, within my unique skillset, most things are possible. Figure out what you can do well, and focus on doing it better.

For what it's worth, you sound like you have the personality and ability to do a lot. If you aren't asexual, then presumably you want a relationship of some sort. Consider the obstacles and plan out a strategy to overcome them, and then implement it.
 
Yeah, I know that intuitively, we find socializing and communicating more difficult than NT's. I didn't know I was an Aspie until earlier this past year. My grandma said if I want to do something bad enough, I'll do it. I want to be a musician and I hope that the dream comes true. I'm a friendly person but I'm like other Aspies with my trouble of communicating, lack of empathy (to a certain extent), and I am sensitive to light and sounds mostly.
 
I do feel empathy in an emotional sense but I don't really express my emotions which explains why I don't cry at funerals like other people do.
 
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