What extent will you go to avoid asking for help?

[Pats]

Oh - another thing I might need help with. At the store something on a high shelf - I usually try to find something long that I can knock it off and catch it if I can't stand on a lower shelf - but sometimes I HAVE to ask someone taller to get something off the high shelf. But I try first. And, now it's not even funny because a few times a young boy will offer to help and I'm knowing it's because he thinks I'm old. lol

 

[Pats]

I consider myself to be fiercely independent, yet, at the same time, I don't have difficulty asking for help if/ when needed. Conversely, when it comes to asking for help/ support, here, I cannot find it in myself, to do. I'm not sure why this is, but I'd like to figure it out, as there have been a few occassions when I have desperately, wanted to, but have simply frozen.

I agree with Fino. Sometimes, if it's a sensitive issue, we do take a chance on negative responses, but hopefully can overlook those and receive real help from the rest. It's so easy to be misunderstood and just as easy to misunderstand. So I can relate to your hesitancy, but try not to let that stop you because there are many here (myself included) that want to help, if we can, and want everyone to receive the help they need, even if we can't.

 

[Loren]

I agree with Fino. Sometimes, if it's a sensitive issue, we do take a chance on negative responses, but hopefully can overlook those and receive real help from the rest. It's so easy to be misunderstood and just as easy to misunderstand. So I can relate to your hesitancy, but try not to let that stop you because there are many here (myself included) that want to help, if we can, and want everyone to receive the help they need, even if we can't.

Thank you! I don't want to utilize your post for this, but; after giving it more thought, I think what I experience is worry that it would not be humble of me, or, it would be wrong to assume that my issue at hand, is worthy of another's time, perhaps. Conversely, I do not perceive others in this way, and, rather admire/ envy the ability to express oneself/ request help and support. Thank you and Fino, again, for your kind and encouraging words!

 

[Tom]

I don't think I have an aversion to asking for help. A little nervousness yes, about the social interaction (if I don't know the person) but that is always less important then what I will gain getting help, like getting assistance or directions, something I need, etc. The only exception I am aware of is if I am handicapped in some way, like an injury, I would rather take the extra time and effort to do something one normally does alone, then bother someone else with it.

 

[clg114]

I believe that we do not like to ask for help because of our logical nature. Everything that I believe to be true, all of my priorities and almost everything that I do are based on logical thought. When your mind works like that, you know how you want things done and do it yourself. Over the years I have become very independent just because of the way that I think and the way that I do things.

 

[Progster]

Some people want emotional support just going to the restroom!

Yes, I never did get why girls so often go the restroom/toilet together. For me that's a private thing that I most definitely want to do on my own!

 

[Progster]

funny because I can relate to that. And I don't really understand why people have a family member take them for a ct scan, mri, even to the doctors. I'll take myself thank you - no one even knew about the cardiac cath and a few other things. But I don't need driven and I don't need the 'emotional support'.

That's something I always do on my own, but feel that I could do with some help for, not for emotional support, but because dealing with hospitals, doctors, phone calls and other patients causes me quite a lot of stress and anxiety, and I often don't get things, miss things or misunderstand, get confused easily, especially with verbal instructions, and people aren't always very patient with me. I'm not so good with dealing with things going wrong or not going to plan, and it helps to have someone with me to help me deal with these things, I feel less anxious. Hospitals and the whole system by which they operate aren't very autism friendly where I live, but I do my best to cope on my own.

 

[SusanLR]

I've always gone by the law of " if you want it gone right. do it yourself". Being depended on others make me feel weak and held at the mercy of others.

It makes me feel weak and under the control of someone else.
I like to do things my way also.
I also find myself thinking they don't really care about helping so there is some pride involved.
There are some things I just can't do physically, but, I'll try and if someone asks if they can help,
I may or may not accept. If I think it's at all possible I can do it, I won't accept.
If I at least make an attempt to do it myself, but know physically I just can't.
At least I made an attempt. If someone sees I just can't do it, (like lifting something too heavy),
and they ask to help I will let them since I have a bad back and I know I could do further damage.
Still, I usually feel angry that I am not physically able and will try it anyway.

 

[Gracey]

Much of the time I can figure things out thus reducing the need for assistance.

I quite like arriving at an easy, quick efficient somewhat elegant solution.
In order to do that, I usually need all of the facts.

I sometimes let others help because it seemed important to them to do so.

There are times I will ask or reach out for help.
About 4 years ago I would have rather chewed my own arm off than ask for help. I’d have died trying to remain self efficient.
I had to learn to ask, it didn’t come at all naturally.

There are somethings I can’t do by myself, somethings I don’t have to
and somethings I find more enjoyable sharing with others.

 

[Suzanne]

I HATE asking for help, but sadly, due to extreme agrophobia and not having a licence, I am rather vunerable, but still, it feels so embarrassing to ask for help and I rather do it myself and if I cannot, then will try.

I have sobbed so often with feelings of being demoralised.

 

[Pats]

That's something I always do on my own, but feel that I could do with some help for, not for emotional support, but because dealing with hospitals, doctors, phone calls and other patients causes me quite a lot of stress and anxiety, and I often don't get things, miss things or misunderstand, get confused easily, especially with verbal instructions, and people aren't always very patient with me. I'm not so good with dealing with things going wrong or not going to plan, and it helps to have someone with me to help me deal with these things, I feel less anxious. Hospitals and the whole system by which they operate aren't very autism friendly where I live, but I do my best to cope on my own.

You're right - they're not autism friendly. But I think it'd make it worse for me having to also deal with someone else with me. I'd feel like I had to keep them entertained or something.

 

[Ylva]

Almost any. If I have spent lots if energy trying to solve a problem I will have none left to deal with people.

 

[Progster]

You're right - they're not autism friendly. But I think it'd make it worse for me having to also deal with someone else with me. I'd feel like I had to keep them entertained or something.

Yes, it would have to be someone I could be comfortable with.

 

[Bronzelincolns]

at work there are certain things that require you to have another person lift and you can get in trouble for doing it yourself. in some cases when I don't have time to ask and no one is looking I just do it myself.

I never ask for assistance at a grocery store to find something.

 

[Pats]

And not asking directions is not just a guy thing. (I'll get lost, but I won't stop and ask).

 

[Thinx]

I like to be independent and rarely ask for any help. I am ok about having help I pay for, though, like I got some work done on the exterior of my house recently. That's a win win, as the worker gets their needed wage. It can be hard to find people who are well recommended though, especially for small jobs.

And I am useless at practical tasks although I try to think my way through anything I might be able to do, like cleaning or some really basic decorating. Mostly I don't tackle anything that doesn't absolutely need doing. My standards are low. However I am happy to help if anyone asks me for help, if it's something I can do...

 

[BraidedPony]

It doesn’t even occur to me to ask for help. I used to have my husband help me with things but we are separated now and I have to do everything myself.
Paying someone to do work is different though. Like oil changes, I’ve never even tried to do those and don’t have the tools. Now that I’m older I can’t do things that require getting up off the ground!
Planning ahead is something I do too. For example, I always adopt dogs that are under 20 lbs so that I can lift them. There is always that day when they can’t walk...

 

[the_tortoise]

What would it take for you to ask for help?

It would have to occur to me to ask for help in the first place, I would have to know that asking for help was not inappropriate in the situation I wanted help with, to trust the other person to be helpful without doing harm to me/making things more difficult for me, and to know what to ask for and the phrasing to ask for it. (It is rare for all these things to happen at once.)

 

[Streetwise]

for me adding to my first comment I got the feeling that after about the age of seven or eight you should do things yourself

 

[Mr Allen]

When I go back to Taekwondo either Friday or Sunday, I'll ask Sir to teach me the next Pattern, I could teach myself from YouTube footage, but it's better to learn it officially off him.