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What do you do differently that other people don't like?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Matthias, Jul 2, 2020.

  1. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

    Apr 30, 2020
    I'd like to compile a list of specific things some autistic people do differently that other people dislike, disapprove of, are bothered by, or react negatively to in any way. For example, here are some specific things I've done that other people didn't like:

    1. Don’t make eye contact
    2. Don’t go to social outings
    3. Don’t talk much
    4. Answer questions honestly (instead of telling people what they want to hear)
    5. Stimming
    6. Tune out during arguments
    7. Point out errors
    8. Cover ears while yelled at

    What can you add to the list?
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2020
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  2. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

    Sep 5, 2014
    1, 4, 5, 6, and 7 on your list. I have some particularly annoying stims.

    I process auditory information slowly which makes following verbal instructions such as directions while driving difficult.

    I sometimes struggle to interpret my thoughts into words which makes my speech halting and confusing, which some people get impatient with.

    I sometimes unconsciously make odd or inappropriate facial expressions which some people find disconcerting.

    I forget that it is expected to reply to texts and emails even when they don't actually require a specific response.

    I shut down when extremely tired and stressed, and when yelled at.

    I get completely absorbed in what I am doing and forget about or drown out everything else, including people trying to talk to me.
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  3. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

    Nov 23, 2014
    -I don't do this huggy - kissy greeting thing.
    -I don't always make eye contact.
    -I tend to go on too much about things, or elaborate or give too much detail.
    -I have slow auditory processing so often don't take in verbal instructions or information. It also means that I don't participate in group conversations, but I don't think that annoys people particularly.
    - I can't always express myself too well, and people get impatient with me.
    - In order to be sure of something, or to understand something fully, I ask a lot of questions. Sometimes the same question twice.
    -I correct people's mistakes.
    -I don't respond to social cues.
    -I blank out on people and just don't speak when I'm expected to do so.
    -I play music I like when we have guests, and not popular music.
    -I don't answer the phone.
    -React to loud or unpleasant noise - putting hands over ears, etc.
    Reacted badly to unpleasant smells, including people's perfumes and aftershave, etc.
    - won't tolerate smoking, in a country where smoking is widely accepted and tolerated.
    - Not hesitated to say that something bothers me or that I don't like something (I'm honest in my opinions and feelings).
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2020
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  4. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Mar 4, 2018
    1,2,4,7,8 on your list. Also, I very often offer a rational opinion based on analysis and research or information, which is often not valued. On the other hand, I can occasionally be taken unawares by feelings and cry about someone else's misfortune in a way generally regarded as inappropriate. I think I pick up their emotional state in a direct download way.

    Slow processing is definitely a thing many don't understand, it's difficult in meetings. I would also say, lack of intuitive understanding of the rules and timing of social communication . This is built in to the neurotypical model of humankind, but not for most of us.
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  5. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

    Jan 23, 2020
    • Volume control - I either mumble or I'm apparently too loud.
    • Heavy handedness - I seem to apply more force or pressure than is ever necessary. Added with my impatience when something isn't working and I've broken a lot of things over the years.
    • Stimming in my own company and someone walks in on me. They seem more awkward than I feel, but the atmosphere in general is tense.
    • Inflexibility around what I do in my free time when other people make suggestions etc.
    • Prolonged periods of silence. People seem to look awkward when they have to approach me if I have sat in silence for most of the day.
    • Strange facial expressions such as grimmacing, clenching or making unusual expressions.
    • Rapid changes in mood and energy levels that throw people off guard. Rarely ever feeling emotionally balanced - I'm either too happy, or too sad, or very lathargic or extremely hyperactive and chaotic.
    • Talking over people in conversations - followed by silence on both sides.
    • Restless when sat down. Constant finger tapping, drumming, fidgeting and restless legs. Being 6'4" and often bouncing both legs up and down at the same time has caused issues in most workplaces. As the amount of vibration I make on the floor can shake people's monitors, desks and make them upset.
    • Listening to other people's music frustrates me as I usually don't enjoy it. However, I often make numerous playlists of hundreds of songs to specifically cater to a certain person or social even or situation.
    • Immediate frustration to a plethora of noises.
    • My partner says I show a lot of my emotions vividly in my facal expressions. Problem is, at work a lot of what people do and say aggrovates me and my girlfriend says my upset/angry expression is geniunely unsettling. Sometimes my eyeline meets with a person who is annoying me at that moment. It's interesting to see their expression change. I've been told by several managers in various jobs over the years that some people have complained to them because apparently I scare, or unnerve them. I heard similar complaints voiced to me about my brother who doesn't hide his stims or traits and a lot of people felt uncomfortable. Their discomfort was a reminder and justification as to why I continued to mask mine - because I'm forever doing the fawn response: trying to diffuse any potential issues by forgoing myself and my own needs to cater to other people's to ensure there is no friction. It's tiring.
    • Oh, and I rarely take in what people are saying to me properly. Even if I'm trying to take notes to help - I still get lost. I'm getting better at asking people to repeat themselves. Although, if you have to ask 3 times because you misheard them - British reserve seems to prevent me from asking a 4th time.

    Last edited: Jul 2, 2020
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  6. Federico Fernández

    Federico Fernández Member

    Feb 9, 2020
    Due to my short English, I can't expand as users above, who did it excellent and very interesting (I understand reading, but can't write much).

    Here it's mine.
    -- When walking on the streets, those who drive a motorbike that makes explosion-like sounds. I hate that. I instantly cover my ears. I mean, those are loud explosions, which they like to do on purpose to brag about their motorbikes. Senseless.
    • Agree Agree x 2
  7. simetra

    simetra Nervous laughter

    Nov 10, 2019
    In order to better process and remember spoken orders, I repeat them when they are given to me which can really irritate people.
  8. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

    Aug 10, 2016
    Well, let's see...

    1. No eye contact. Duh.

    2. No social gatherings. Of course.

    3. No interest in conversation most of the time. Look, I'm sorry, but everyone is so boring.

    4. No interest in politics. That this one offends people bothers me on a fundamental level.

    5. I forget things all the time. ALL THE TIME.

    6. I'm always spaced out.

    7. I'm about as masculine as a flower. It's typically obvious just by looking at me. And I dont even try to be otherwise. Apparently, according to some, I should strive to do so. Hah, no. I am what I am, it's that simple.

    8. I am a fountain of sarcasm and irony. It's just one of the many services I provide.

    9. Seriously, I'm basically Garfield.

    10. I had others but I cant remember what they were.
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  9. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Jan 7, 2015
    Brake for migrating gnat swarms.
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  10. Rasputin

    Rasputin ASD / Aspie V.I.P Member

    Oct 16, 2019
    In addition to the items you and others have listed listed:

    (a) Not stopping to listen when someone interrupts me to tell me something they think is important. Typically, I am in a zone focused on my work when this happens.

    (b) Not frequently stopping to compliment or show appreciation to others for doing their job or for routine accomplishments.

    (c) Not following along / participating in group activities that don't interest me.

    (d) Asking people to repeat something they told me when I was busy and not listening. This causes hurt feelings because others say they feel devalued.

    (e) Not immediately understanding what others are feeling, and proceeding to solve their problems when they just want to vent.

    (f) Relaxing and being myself without masking drives people nuts.

    (g) Not showing empathy for other's failed efforts.

    (h) Retreating from socializing when loud music is blasting. Typically this happens at family celebrations, after someone cranks up the volume because they love listening to loud music.

    (i) Answering questions truthfully, when the truth is something people are prepared to hear.

    (j) Speaking in a louder tone than what I perceive.

    (K) Displaying eating habits which are apparently different from the norm.

    These are things that I do that most people do not like.
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2020
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  11. Running Girl

    Running Girl Well-Known Member

    Jun 6, 2019
    Forgetting to reply, "And how are YOU?" This, I believe, causes a plethora of judgement and accusations on their part. Or maybe I'm overreacting. And overreacting!
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  12. HeroOfHyrule

    HeroOfHyrule Chicken Chaser

    Jul 8, 2020
    1. I don't have amazing volume control so I am usually too quiet, and if someone asks me to talk louder I'll sometimes start talking way too loud.
    2. People don't like the swaying/rocking slightly thing that I do, but sometimes I do it without noticing.
    3. If someone starts arguing with me or upsets me I can't verbally respond for some reason. I just kind of stutter and then give up on responding 90% of the time, and that makes people angry/angrier.
    4. My coordination sucks and I have issues with my motor skills, so I can't always do things exactly how people want me to do them or as fast as they want me to.
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