I'm visiting my parents in April for two weeks. They are very much against most things vaccine-related, with my mother proudly calling herself an Anti-Vaxer.
This doesn't bother me much, as they are free to believe whatever they like, but what bothers me is the incessant talking about vaccines. My father will join in the conversation if it is brought up — he doesn't always initiate it though. My mother on the other hand is utterly obsessed with the topic, especially as it ties in with her other beliefs of government-related conspiracies. The government is always out to get you, in her eyes. This has been a hard feeling for me to shake after being brought up in such an environment, I hope you can understand why I have only just now chosen to get my first vaccine ever. I haven't even had my childhood immunisations, which I also plan to get in the near future.
They are incredibly sure about their belief in God (they are Pentecostal to be precise) and my mother in particular will voice these beliefs at any chance she gets, to any person with any belief in any situation. She doesn't understand when it becomes uncomfortable for other people to listen to, she is a passionate preacher about any topic she believes in.
She will regularly engage in a one-way conversation where she spouts her beliefs at you regardless of your own, regardless of how this makes you feel, and regardless of any other information presented to her, be it as a debate, trying to engage in the conversation, or trying to open her heart to other ways of thinking — she will vehemently counter it with Bible verses, other religious beliefs or her own beliefs she has accumulated over the years. Most of them have their roots in her belief in God, they can all be traced back to that and she will happily take you along her train of thought herself.
My problem isn't with what she believes, my problem lies in trying to talk with her.
Every new piece of information she is presented with, even when she couldn't possibly know about it, it's "I know, I know," before launching into some conspiracy about the government or something God-related. She finds a way to bring up whatever she is currently passionate about, no matter what the topic of conversation is. It is very difficult to keep her on track, because she just wants to preach. That's all she does.
My father is sure in his beliefs too, but he doesn't have the same preach-y-ness about him, he will give you a chance to speak and consider what you are saying. He considers new ways of thinking moreso than my mother does, even though he will probably die set in his ways too. That's okay because I can still talk to him. But mum, it's hard to talk to her.
I began struggling in high school due to my, at the time, undiagnosed Autism. It's a long story but the relevance to this is that every conversation we ever had turned into "you should be at school."
"you're getting behind, you need to be at school."
"I keep getting texts from the school about you not being there."
At the time we didn't have a full picture of what we were dealing with, and while I agree it'd have been ideal for me to have been able to stay in class and not always be safe in the music department (special interest at the time), I wasn't coping with school and I needed help. Unfortunately my mum did not help by preaching to me about school no matter what we were talking about. This is where our relationship grew very distant, and it has been like this since.
She has always preached, I remember it right through childhood and she still does it to this day. It didn't bother me the same as a child, I accepted a lot of what she said as truth only to find out in my later teens that I believed very different things to her, and that my beliefs are ever-developing and I'm okay with that. Regardless of what you believe, I hope you can see how it would be difficult for such a person to deal with someone who is so set in their ways.
I want to connect with my mother conversationally, not just through my love for her and hers for me. I suppose I need to accept this likely won't happen, I already have frankly. Sometimes I just feel sad I can't have that closeness with my own mother. I haven't experienced much closeness with either parent to be honest, they both physically and emotionally abused me through my childhood mostly due to misunderstandings that a diagnosis could have greatly helped.
This doesn't bother me much, as they are free to believe whatever they like, but what bothers me is the incessant talking about vaccines. My father will join in the conversation if it is brought up — he doesn't always initiate it though. My mother on the other hand is utterly obsessed with the topic, especially as it ties in with her other beliefs of government-related conspiracies. The government is always out to get you, in her eyes. This has been a hard feeling for me to shake after being brought up in such an environment, I hope you can understand why I have only just now chosen to get my first vaccine ever. I haven't even had my childhood immunisations, which I also plan to get in the near future.
They are incredibly sure about their belief in God (they are Pentecostal to be precise) and my mother in particular will voice these beliefs at any chance she gets, to any person with any belief in any situation. She doesn't understand when it becomes uncomfortable for other people to listen to, she is a passionate preacher about any topic she believes in.
She will regularly engage in a one-way conversation where she spouts her beliefs at you regardless of your own, regardless of how this makes you feel, and regardless of any other information presented to her, be it as a debate, trying to engage in the conversation, or trying to open her heart to other ways of thinking — she will vehemently counter it with Bible verses, other religious beliefs or her own beliefs she has accumulated over the years. Most of them have their roots in her belief in God, they can all be traced back to that and she will happily take you along her train of thought herself.
My problem isn't with what she believes, my problem lies in trying to talk with her.
Every new piece of information she is presented with, even when she couldn't possibly know about it, it's "I know, I know," before launching into some conspiracy about the government or something God-related. She finds a way to bring up whatever she is currently passionate about, no matter what the topic of conversation is. It is very difficult to keep her on track, because she just wants to preach. That's all she does.
My father is sure in his beliefs too, but he doesn't have the same preach-y-ness about him, he will give you a chance to speak and consider what you are saying. He considers new ways of thinking moreso than my mother does, even though he will probably die set in his ways too. That's okay because I can still talk to him. But mum, it's hard to talk to her.
I began struggling in high school due to my, at the time, undiagnosed Autism. It's a long story but the relevance to this is that every conversation we ever had turned into "you should be at school."
"you're getting behind, you need to be at school."
"I keep getting texts from the school about you not being there."
At the time we didn't have a full picture of what we were dealing with, and while I agree it'd have been ideal for me to have been able to stay in class and not always be safe in the music department (special interest at the time), I wasn't coping with school and I needed help. Unfortunately my mum did not help by preaching to me about school no matter what we were talking about. This is where our relationship grew very distant, and it has been like this since.
She has always preached, I remember it right through childhood and she still does it to this day. It didn't bother me the same as a child, I accepted a lot of what she said as truth only to find out in my later teens that I believed very different things to her, and that my beliefs are ever-developing and I'm okay with that. Regardless of what you believe, I hope you can see how it would be difficult for such a person to deal with someone who is so set in their ways.
I want to connect with my mother conversationally, not just through my love for her and hers for me. I suppose I need to accept this likely won't happen, I already have frankly. Sometimes I just feel sad I can't have that closeness with my own mother. I haven't experienced much closeness with either parent to be honest, they both physically and emotionally abused me through my childhood mostly due to misunderstandings that a diagnosis could have greatly helped.
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