Unlearning the myths I used to believe about people...

[Chance]

I used to think if I pleased people they would like me or love me... They didn't like me, or love me... They saw an open door to use me. I'm sort of shutting that door now on some people and it's like the TAKERS are now showing their fangs...

I guess that's supposed to scare me back in "pleaser mode"... I guess they think I am stupid or something.

Maybe it's finally time to show them I simply no longer care for the parts of them they think they hide well. And people say people with ASD don't get life... I might be a little slow, and I have a very different way of getting to the same place as others, but I learn way too well to never become what I can't stomach... : )

Ungrateful people, and takers, seem to be my biggest challenge. It seems I did things when I was younger that placed me right in front of a mass of them, among some of them were extremely abusive people who made me fear my own shadow...

I'm kind of done with all that now. I don't know what has clicked, but it finally did and I have to fix some things that are going to be very difficult. However, I am not a slave, nor do I deserve to be treated any less than anyone else.

I have had a gift all along... Just never knew how to use it correctly... Sometimes in the right situations... Silence is a knife in the throat of those who use their tongues as swords...

I basically ask nothing from anyone EVER... Maybe if I was about to die, but maybe not even then... I would owe them something I couldn't repay.

I'm not sure at all... but many ASD people seem to be kind hearted, and susceptible to being horribly mistreated, and in that MAYBE we get used as a means to other peoples ends...

I know I have been in that trap most of my life... Well I am pretty much crushing the trap and feeding it back to those who set it without saying a word and just ignoring their demands all together...

Many people want to switch this to victim mode... That to me is even a worse place then I am at... Pity sucks as bad as takers... I just need some self honor, not pity, not a pat on the back, not applause or even approval, maybe a hint that I am doing right and not following the darkness... I don't ask much, it all just feels unsteady... It's a new place for me to stand up and walk away with people still screaming. I used to do whatever it took to make the screaming stop - no longer do I care. I feel wrong in some strange way...

WAKING UP in LIFE is GREAT... It's also scary as hell to basically face the fact you may have to let go of most of what you have earned in life to gain any form of true freedom.

What type of people yank your mental chain?

 

[LucyPurrs]

YES, YES, AND MORE YES!

"Feelings are too precious to allow freeloaders" as a dear friend of mine has said.

I say life is too short to allow them (of course being 72 gives me a perspective on that which younger folks may not appreciate, XD). I have your back and I believe others here will too, and support you all the way.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I have had a gift all along... Just never knew how to use it correctly... Sometimes in the right situations... Silence is a knife in the throat of those who use their tongues as swords...

It doesnt matter what you say, it can always be twisted..

If you can bear to hear the truths you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools..... here's the whole thing, you probably know it.


IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

I know I have been in that trap most of my life... Well I am pretty much crushing the trap and feeding it back to those who set it without saying a word and just ignoring their demands all together

Good.

maybe a hint that I am doing right and not following the darkness... I don't ask much, it all just feels unsteady... It's a new place for me to stand up and walk away with people still screaming.

You're actually doing them a favor.

Moving out of their way as their historical guy to use.

They now have an opportunity to grow.

They may not take it.

You can't deprive them of the opportunity now you've come this far.

What type of people yank your mental chain?

Family. Many years absent now.

 

[Gritches]

Daaaaaayum, I know you're not looking for approval but you've got mine. You hit that out of the park.

I've been used quite a bit by people who I just wanted to like and accept me. It's so strange that at this stage in life, where I could give a damn less about their acceptance and approval, that they're suddenly seeking MINE. Methinks Alpha and Beta switched roles at some point, betcha betcha.

 

[Streetwise]

It doesnt matter what you say, it can always be twisted..

If you can bear to hear the truths you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools..... here's the whole thing, you probably know it.


IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!



Good.



You're actually doing them a favor.

Moving out of their way as their historical guy to use.

They now have an opportunity to grow.

They may not take it.

You can't deprive them of the opportunity now you've come this far.



Family. Many years absent now.

I don't agree with mother Theresa it's the rhetoric of the Catholic Church .
she's not perfect neither is anybody else . i've hurt people so am I a user?
don't like the hard faced belief of Rudyard Kipling either
.what yanks my mental chain is hoping I have a family and discovering I don't. A family doesn't have to be related to me by blood.
and I know I will be shot down by members on this forum i'm not allowed to give my views .

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I don't agree with mother Theresa it's the rhetoric of the Catholic Church .
she's not perfect neither is anybody else . i've hurt people so am I a user?
don't like the hard faced belief of Rudyard Kipling either
.what yanks my mental chain is hoping I have a family and discovering I don't. A family doesn't have to be related to me by blood.
and I know I will be shot down by members on this forum i'm not allowed to give my views .

For me, you can say what you like, I don't mind.

 

[kay]

To answer the question about who yanks my mental chain I would have to say women who invite me to ladies brunches (no explanation, but it's true). Fortunately I am a suspicious cynic who hates ladies brunches so they never get what they want from me.

 

[Progster]

What type of people yank your mental chain?

I assume this means, what sort of person irritates me?

A person who wants to be the centre of attention, and shows off all the time.
A bossy person wholikes to dominate and tell me what to do and won't mind their own business.
An alpha male type.
A patronising person, who acts all superior around me.

 

[Thinx]

Probably for me it's people who don't respect others, and /or don't respect me. We are all entitled to respect I think. Yes selfish and Narcissistic people I also find difficult. But I believe that patient, non judgemental perseverance is likely to win the day.

 

[Mia]

Really only discovered some of this in my late forties, Chance. So, you have a good start. After that, it took years of incidents until I finally had had enough and walked away. Think it was when a family member called on christmas day and asked for their gifts back because they wanted to read those books that they had sent me. Should have asked them to return the gifts I'd sent them. But I didn't, I went along with it all. They still attempt to manipulate me from afar. Usually I don't agree anymore to anything they want from me.

People I don't get along with well, are usually bullies who are loud, pushy, and unthinking. As well as people who are sneaky and quietly manipulative who 'work' both sides to their advantage.

 

[Sabrina]

When I started to care more about me than about other people (sometimes not caring at all) I started living my own life.
I wish you continue with this train of thought. It’s not only liberating, it’s empowering.

I only care about what two people think of me: my two kids. I don’t care anymore what other people think of me, not even my parents.

We are only responsible for ourselves and our kids. The saying “not my circus, not my monkeys” helps me to distance from unwanted drama, specially members of my family of origin or extended family.

 

[Sabrina]

It doesnt matter what you say, it can always be twisted..

If you can bear to hear the truths you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools..... here's the whole thing, you probably know it.


IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!



Good.



You're actually doing them a favor.

Moving out of their way as their historical guy to use.

They now have an opportunity to grow.

They may not take it.

You can't deprive them of the opportunity now you've come this far.



Family. Many years absent now.

Hey! Quote!

That’s a poem from Rudyard Kipling, one of my all-time favorite poems If— by Rudyard Kipling

 

[Sabrina]

Really only discovered some of this in my late forties, Chance. So, you have a good start. After that, it took years of incidents until I finally had had enough and walked away. Think it was when a family member called on christmas day and asked for their gifts back because they wanted to read those books that they had sent me. Should have asked them to return the gifts I'd sent them. But I didn't, I went along with it all. They still attempt to manipulate me from afar. Usually I don't agree anymore to anything they want from me.

People I don't get along with well, are usually bullies who are loud, pushy, and unthinking. As well as people who are sneaky and quietly manipulative who 'work' both sides to their advantage.

My mother asked my daughter to give her back the Christmas present that she had given her (she was eleven years old) because she was not using it!
What grandmother asks her own and only granddaughter to give back her Christmas present? (Rhetorical question).

 

[Chance]

Probably for me it's people who don't respect others, and /or don't respect me. We are all entitled to respect I think. Yes selfish and Narcissistic people I also find difficult. But I believe that patient, non judgemental perseverance is likely to win the day.

My grams always told respect isn’t given it is earned...
I try and earn my place in peoples lives so they trust me...
Some people seem to demand respect, i dont deal real well with that... : )

 

[SusanLR]

People who want to dominate and control me
yank my chain.
Then they try to put some type of blame on me
if I don't jump when they yell frog.
So control freaks.
Everyone could get along peacefully if there just wasn't
those who feel they must dominate others.

 

[Sabrina]

People who want to dominate and control me
yank my chain.
Then they try to put some type of blame on me
if I don't jump when they yell frog.
So control freaks.
Everyone could get along peacefully if there just wasn't
those who feel they must dominate others.

You’ve just described my parents and sisters. That’s why I barely talk to them.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

You’ve just described my parents and sisters. That’s why I barely talk to them.

Did they also yell 'frog'

 

[Sabrina]

Did they also yell 'frog'

Explain please

 

[Mia]

“not my circus, not my monkeys”

Really like that saying, first time I've seen it written. Applies to some people I used to know, it's perfect

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Explain please

Susanlr said her family yelled frog..
So it seemed a funny coincidence if your family also yelled frog.
A phrase I'd never heard before.

My family didnt yell frog but complete absence for years, so they can frog off.