Trying to Retire

[WhitewaterWoman]

I have been working for well over 20 years, running my own business, assisting people with developmental disabilities get the services they need to live in the community. I am good at what I do and my agency rarely has openings. (The state regulates how many clients we can serve.)

Every year brings new challenges to the work, brought on by governors and legislators who are trying to serve more people for less money. The paperwork increases, barriers to services increase, pay actually decreases. The most recent change, which went into effect July 1, 2021, has cut all our salaries about about 1/3, while also adding greatly to the amount of clerical work we have to do and entering data into a computer system that is kafkaesque.

I turn 69 at the end of this month. I am tired much of the time. I need to stop. I've been trying to stop. I made a plan which involved informing some of my clients that starting 7/1/23 I could not work with them directly. They would then have the choice of working with another person in my agency, or choosing a different agency.

I had a significant meeting with one of these clients and their mother and father. I was committed to telling them I was retiring, per the previous paragraph.

I couldn't do it. This is such a wonderful family. They love me and are committed to working with me. I just couldn't say, yes, all this is very nice, but I am not going to work with you anymore.

And then I had another thought (while driving home two hours): what is my life going to be like when I am no longer interacting with people who like me so much, appreciate me so much, many of whom I have known from the beginning 20+ years ago. I have watched some of them grow up. Others grow old.

What is it going to be like to not have that positive reinforcement? Maybe I shouldn't retire? But then there is all that bureaucratic BS to deal with that really puts me under.

Suggestions? Insights? This has been going on for about 3 years, me trying to retire and not quite being able to do it.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I do what you do, basically, though I mean casework...not running my own business. That sounds like a really unsustainable position, but I can definitely get your fear over leaving. I don't know if I can really advise you, because I don't know what I would do. I do understand the bond you can develop with that population, though.

 

[Shevek]

My best counselor got micromanaged into quitting her government job to go private, sometimes under government contract. She seemed quite glad to be able to offer to see me pro bono to ease the transition. She has gradually reduced her work and increased contact with grandkids, even though the need goes on, and gets more acute. She has certainly "done her share."
Can you just get active at passing on any clients you can, and not take any new ones on? Or, train a replacement for yourself, starting with part-time relief days? Simplify what you can, always making it clear that the cuts are being handed down, and you wish they were not. Everyone must adjust. Sadly, I knew a woman whose job was to teach social workers how to dump clients.
One woman had a cleaning woman about her own age, who she laid off when she retired and could do her own housework. Years later, they met at the grocer's, and the employer was amazed to hear that the cleaner was still working. "However do you do it?" she asked.
"Oh, I just keep the clients whose eyes are worse than mine."

 

[GypsyMoth]

Ouch. That they’ve cut your salary so much is upsetting. You’re clearly not ready to retire—you have so much passion for what you do. You’re wanting to continue helping others, but to suffer such a setback this late in your career has got to be like adding insult to injury.

Have you thought of working for
- a private agency?
- a different agency that offers similar services?
- parallel type of work?
- independent types of work?

Some folks have success working with a career coach. Repackaging your skill set might mean you could continue working with and serving the same disability community, albeit from perhaps a slightly different role.

Another idea is to work for yourself as an independent contractor. If you can come up with a consulting plan, you might be able to sell your skills to schools (or whatever best fits your skill set & experience) and do the very work you’ve been doing—but now it’s for yourself. OR, have you thought training others to do what you do?

I read your post & thought of a 1099 seminar I attended. The presenter was a former IRS agent and was able to artfully field every concerned question the audience had— he had a great sense of humor, too. My coworker and I left feeling like we were prepared to do our due diligence and would have the wherewithal to get our company through an IRS audit, should one occur. His experience really added to the formal facts we were learning. The point is that teaching can be a way of multiplying your passion for helping people and maybe even a way to leave a legacy behind, when the time does come to retire.

Maybe it’s not ideal for you, but maybe it will help you start thinking about ways that will keep you active doing what you love and preserve a reasonable income as well.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Funny both my sister and her husband want to retire; they keep throwing more money at them, which they do not require. His birthday is Christmas, he gave notice last year he was leaving last year, still there. her birthday 3 months ago year-end bonuses keeping her employed, I think both are on the spectrum and very hard to replace. l'st time she hinted she would leave if she had to come back to the office after Covid ended, she got an immediate promotion, after all legally someone with authority had to be in the office if something happens. with her luck they will fast track her up the ladder large international mining company. combination geologist/ economists are not a dime a dozen.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

There is always things to do in retirement. Sure, I have more ME time, but I am an officer on my Township's Planning Commission, I do insect surveys with the Conservation District, and I have applied to be a Big Brother and also ride my recumbent trike as a Bike Trail, Ambassador, at my National Lakeshore. From your background have you ever thought of being a CASA, Court Appointed Special Advocate? My spouse is a CASA and represents the interests of children in foster care. Sometimes she is the most consistent person in these children's lives. With everything I do, I do not want for stimulation. And now I will be building a canoe for my spouse - A 12.5 foot Wee Lassie with a little extra volume. Hull will be Alaskan Yellow Cedar with a band of Western Red Cedar at the shear line with Walnut decks and gunwales (scuppered on the inside). There are always things to fill your time, and I'm having a great time.

 

[Aspychata]

This can be the time to pursue your passions that you never had time to. I am retired. I hate it. I wish l was working.

 

[Thinx]

Voluntary work is a good way to stay connected, it can be on your own terms, and a lighter load. I'm enjoying not doing much paid work now. Do you have any clinical supervision for your work? They might support you to think about this and find a way forward. Or a work counselling service if not?

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Aspychata, That’s why I want to retire. I want more time for canoeing and gardening. I’m not lacking for interesting things to do.

Gerald, I love the Wee Lassie. I’ve seen the original in the Adirondack Museum. A beautiful boat.

Shevek, I am training up someone to take my place. I keep giving her more and more responsibility. I’m trying to shift some clients to my employees. That was one of my goals today and I just couldn’t do it. That is a big part of the problem.

I care about the work I do, but I’m also burned out on the BS of the state agency. I’m burned out on how much of my time is taken up with idiotic forms, etc.

Gypsy Moth, I am a 1099. Sole Proprietor. I am intolerant of working for others.

I feel like I failed today, in implementing my plan to shed clients/responsibilities.

Am I lacking gumption to follow through, or maybe it is the wrong plan.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Thinx, there’s no one higher than me in my field in this program. That’s kind of why I’ve been so successful. I don’t work well under supervision.
But your point is well taken.

I should ponder on these suggestions, because they all have important things to say to me.

 

[Thinx]

Clinical supervision in counselling and some caring roles is about the clinical content of the work, so, how to manage our own side of that in relation to clients. The clinical supervisor is not a general manager, they are there to support the worker, and indirectly protect the clients, through helping with dilemmas and acting as a listener and source of feedback on the work content. This is the sort of dilemma they would help with.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Oh. I can see that would be useful. But as I work for myself, I don’t think I’d have access to that sort of service.

In Florida, the state privatized the type of work I do, thereby washing their hands of any problems that arise.

 

[Outdated]

To me it sounds like you have too big a heart, it might not be easy but if you sort through your client list maybe there are some of them that you would not be so heartbroken to pass on to other staff. Just to lighten the load gradually instead of a sudden change. You say you are trying to do this already, how would it look on paper if you assessed yourself as a client? You also have needs.

Either way, I'm confidant you'll work it out.

 

[Shevek]

I feel like I failed today, in implementing my plan to shed clients/responsibilities.

Try promising the job to a new person, and going to the hand-off with them. That way, you can't change your mind without disappointing someone besides yourself. You can do all your back-tracking for the client with assurances of monitoring for as long as necessary to make sure all is well. My counselor also gave me plenty of warning to get used to the idea in.
Off topic; I used to make stitch 'n' glue kayaks, etc, and if I were doing another one, I'd use a plywood bottom for beaching on, but make the other panels in fabric. Platt Monfort has plans for some radically light skin boats.

 

[Aspychata]

Maybe you could contemplate another 6 months there to ease into this new status and give yourself a date to start the process?

Mark on a virtual calender, then start the internal process of accepting this?

 

[Rodafina]

I feel like I failed today, in implementing my plan to shed clients/responsibilities.

Am I lacking gumption to follow through, or maybe it is the wrong plan.

It's understandable that you would be hesitant to implement a plan you are not totally sure of and of course gumption is difficult to muster in a situation like this.

I'm not on the brink of retirement, but I did retire from one profession (running an afterschool for children) to work in a different field altogether (elder care). Spending so much time with people and watching them grow, getting close with their families, and feeling like your contributed to their well being would be a very difficult thing to say goodbye to.

It makes perfect sense that leaving the Known, which has been so meaningful to you, into the Unknown, where you know you'll have your hobbies, but probably not those people you have grown so close to.

I wonder if being autistic, as well, lends importance to your relationships with the people you work with. For me, because of a lack of a social circle, I do get great benefits from having close, albeit structured relationships with my clients (home bound elders).

I have seen both of my parents retire and they definitely struggled in similar ways. There was promise in retirement, but it was difficult for them to envision a new life without so many hours spent in such an expected way. They have thrived, though. Like others said, they found things to fill the newly empty spaces and they surprised themselves with how busy they became. They also mourned for the loss of their jobs and the value that it gave them. It is a sad thing. Happy and sad together.

Is there any way to stay in touch with a few of the people you've worked with informally? Of course, it's important to be careful about crossing boundaries, but would an informal check in be plausible to keep tenuous ties for awhile?

Wishing you well in this transitional time for you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I wonder if being autistic, as well, lends importance to your relationships with the people you work with. For me, because of a lack of a social circle, I do get great benefits from having close, albeit structured relationships with my clients (home bound elders).

Not merely being autistic. Many NTs use work to socialize and to stay connected. I see that in my Sister in Law. You are right that to step out of the known, where one is valued and into a retirement where structure must come from within. What helped me was involvement with the bike and ski clubs along with working elections which got me known in the community. It helps that the bike club is especially accepting.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Personally,...I would seek out someone who actually does this sort of thing for a living, as they would know all the "ins and outs" of how to manage retirement accounts, insurance, tax codes, all of that.

 

[Tom]

I know it will sound cold, but when you want to quit, you could just do so with no warning to anyone except what is necessary (company, boss, etc.). I've seen doctors do that. Maybe it's just easier to do what you need to do that way. You have done all you could, and now it's time for your own health and welfare to be managed.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Personally,...I would seek out someone who actually does this sort of thing for a living, as they would know all the "ins and outs" of how to manage retirement accounts, insurance, tax codes, all of that.

Hi Neonatal RRT. I have the financial side pegged down. It is the emotional part and the internal morals/guidelines that I have for my life vs the personal needs such as more rest, less stress, more doing things that are good for me, like music, gardening and canoeing.

I know it will sound cold, but when you want to quit, you could just do so with no warning to anyone except what is necessary (company, boss, etc.). I've seen doctors do that. Maybe it's just easier to do what you need to do that way. You have done all you could, and now it's time for your own health and welfare to be managed.

Hello, Tom. I have gotten so close to doing this on a number of occasions. Many occasions in the past couple of months when the state audit was going on and we were getting dinged for exceedingly minor problems that have nothing to do with the quality of the care we give. I get where you are coming from and this is something that happens. When I worked hospice I had patients who were crushed when the cancer doctors they knew and trusted so much just cut off all contact once a referral to hospice was made. I also have seen my own clients distressed over a staff person leaving without even saying good-bye.

OTOH, I know that people go on with their lives and will do just fine once I depart. Over a lifetime, many clients and families have had many workers of various kinds come and go and they will adjust.
So it basically comes down to doing it in a way that is respectful of them.

I also have five employees who count on me for their income to pay rent, mortgages, food, etc. One of them I have worked with for more than 20 years. I can't morally just dump them either. Due to state regulations, if I terminate my agency, my employees are automatically terminated as well and our 150 or so clients are left without an advocate immediately. In my area, there are not enough providers of services, so they would be left hanging. I am training one of my staff to take over the business and we will set it up so that if something happens to me the business can continue and the clients continue to be served.

Tom, your suggestion though does clarify my thoughts. I am looking for a way out of my work that is respectful of my clients and my employees. Thank you.

Shevek, I get your point about bringing a replacement with me to the meetings with families. I had thought of it and discarded the suggestion - probably because my inner self was not on board with telling the family. I gotta work on this. I need to separate my feelings from what is respectful and meets the clients needs.

I have been working on this easing myself out for several years. I have reduced my caseload by half. I have shed a lot of my tasks to my mentee. But the new regulations have created for me many extra hours of administrative work that was not necessary before the change implemented 7/1/21.

In the field of developmental disabilities, at least where I am, there is no prohibition for crossing the line that mental health and medical people are supposed to adhere to. I help people in excess of what is required and often pay for things, telling the clients the money came from donations because I don't want them to be beholden to me specifically. I have been invited to family functions, graduation, birthday parties, etc. Some of them have come to my house, especially when I lived in town. I've had clients live with me during brief homeless periods.

That said, once the formal relationship is terminated, I don't expect these connections to stay in place. They are held there by the roles we play. That is why I can do all this. There is a role and I know my part. Without that role, I can't socialize or talk to people. So I do not expect post-retirement connections at clubs or other social events to appear.

When I lived in town, I did participate, sometimes actively, in various clubs: tropical fruit, gardening, orchids, hiking, canoeing. But it never resulted in any kind of connection. I don't expect this to do so now. Of course, something lovely could appear. I'll never discount miracles. But it is not something to count on.

I do feel I should tell my long time clients in person. But, it occurs to me now that I should bring with me a written letter also to leave with them. Thank you all for that. Writing and listening helps me sort this out.

I could also benefit from reducing my personal level of resentment at the extra administrative and clerical work I have to do. And before someone suggests it, I do have an administrative assistant who helps mw with a lot of stuff. But critically the program prohibits her from access the computer program we use even to do simple things like verifying contact information, etc. If my assistant could access the system, this would be much more workable.

I know this was long, but it has been beneficial to me, even if no one reads it.
Thank you, all.

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