Things NT's Do That Don't Make Sense.

[KassieMac]

I'd still rather have NTs at least who are interested and trying to work with us-

That would be quite nice. However, I was answering the stated purpose of this thread, and staying on-topic. Is that ok with you?

 

[Judge]

That would be quite nice. However, I was answering the stated purpose of this thread, and staying on-topic. Is that ok with you?

I'd think that mentioning that NTs are capable of making social errors in consideration of Aspies IS on topic. That they do things that don't makes sense to us, in as much as they might make sense to them. And that sometimes at best all we can do is to choose to tolerate them and hope that understanding comes eventually rather than not at all.

 

[KassieMac]

I'd think that mentioning that NTs are capable of making social errors in consideration of Aspies IS on topic. That they do things that don't makes sense to us, in as much as they might make sense to them. And that sometimes at best all we can do is to choose to tolerate them and hope that understanding comes eventually rather than not at all.

I never said you were off-topic. Why would you assume that? The stated purpose of this thread is to state Things NT's Do That Don't Make Sense ... which is supposed to lead to understanding. Why do you keep trying to 'correct' me for answering the question that was asked?

 

[Judge]

I never said you were off-topic. Why would you assume that? The stated purpose of this thread is to state Things NT's Do That Don't Make Sense ... which is supposed to lead to understanding. Why do you keep trying to 'correct' me for answering the question that was asked?

It's not intended a correction. I'm merely reiterating what I posted given your immediate response as shown below:

That would be quite nice. However, I was answering the stated purpose of this thread, and staying on-topic. Is that ok with you?

Frankly my initial post wasn't even quoting you- or anyone else!

 

[KassieMac]

It's not intended a correction. I'm merely reiterating what I posted given your immediate response as shown below:

Why? We all read it the first time. No one disagreed with you.

 

[Ste11aeres]

This thread started out as something with good potential, but it is turning into a muddled mire of knee-jerk reactions, bickering, and over-generalized NT bashing.

 

[KassieMac]

This thread started out as something with good potential, but it is turning into a muddled mire of knee-jerk reactions, bickering, and over-generalized NT bashing.

That's what happens when people offer to answer questions, and then refuse to.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

This ^

This is what NTs do that make absolutely no sense.
- To lash out at someone unprovoked for asking a simple, straightforward question, and then feign offense when they get upset,
- To offer to explain their differences, but openly refuse to answer questions,
- To spend obsessive amounts of time seeking out people that are different, then telling us to be more like them,
- To demand that we confront those who've wronged us, but get upset when we do,
- Tell us to demand apologies from those who've wronged us, but refuse to apologize (or even admit wrongdoing),
- Start a thread offering to answer questions, but instead misinterpret us and tell us what to do,
- Not understanding "Say what you mean and mean what you say" ... how much more clear can it be?

You know KassieMac, I wasn't going to answer you because honestly the way you have been coming at me has been very rude and something I normally wouldn't tolerate from anyone. It's taking all my energy not to say something that I would really regret later on. I have been thinking about everything that has been said between us and I really think that we are having a communication problem - which is the reason I started these NT and Aspie threads. So I will try to address what you said in your last post at a later time (just not right now - I have a headache).

About what is happening with Tarragon and myself - I prefer to keep whatever disagreements we're having just between him and I.

 

[KassieMac]

You know KassieMac, I wasn't going to answer you because honestly the way you have been coming at me has been very rude and something I normally wouldn't tolerate from anyone. It's taking all my energy not to say something that I would really regret later on. I have been thinking about everything that has been said between us and I really think that we are having a communication problem - which is the reason I started these NT and Aspie threads. So I will try to address what you said in your last post at a later time (just not right now - I have a headache).

About what is happening with Tarragon and myself - I prefer to keep whatever disagreements we're having just between him and I.

I've got a better idea. Click on my profile, then click the word 'Ignore' … you'll never have to see anything I post here ever again.

 

[Loomis]

Aspies aren't anti social (not all of them anyway) but have trouble understanding social norms. Some are oblivious to them and keep trying to socialize. My oldest son is an extroverted (suspected) Aspie, and he will talk to anyone and everyone and even hug them. The problem is he's inappropriate and no one can seem to get that through his head. He talks and laughs too loudly, doesn't give people their personal space, is rude without even realizing he's being rude (like making demands instead of saying please), etc. He will make eye contact but can't maintain it, and honestly just making eye contact is an issue for him. With the right people he's a god send that brightens up their day, but the older he gets the less that happens because he's just not seen as cute and innocent any more...

I really understand and sympathize (empathize?) with your son. I was extroverted when I was young, but like your son, was rude and inappropriate, talked too loudly, and made eye contact in non-NT ways. In my early twenties the accumulated frustrations and uncomfortable reactions became too much and I withdrew more and more from socializing. By withdrawing the humiliating consequences from inappropriate behavior declined substantially. Good things happened because I could watch, analyze and begin to understand which behaviors were problematic. I eliminated stuff that caused problems and became careful and measured dealing with people. I learned to be polite, to think before I spoke and started to have some insights into NT behavior. But there was also a cost because social isolation was unpleasant. Thus over the years I lost my extroversion and developed a lower need for socialization, becoming mildly to moderately introverted. In short I stepped back and engaged the world analytically; I fully accepted, and became comfortable living with a low need for social contact .

All of this took place over thirty-five years while I continued to engage in serious and intense efforts with psychologists and counselors to try and discern why I had such troublesome communication problems. None of these professionals suggested I might be on the spectrum; autism was poorly understood during the 70's 80's 90's and 00's and seldom recognized in adults. So it was a slow, painful, trial and error process. It was terribly frustrating because I was flying blind. I knew I had serious impediments connecting with people but was clueless why. It would have made a huge difference if my aspieness had been recognized as the source of my problems. Behavioral changes would have happened much more efficiently had the root of the communication difficulties, i.e., autism, been identified and understood.

And then the epiphany: diagnosis. Life changed dramatically. Now, I work very hard to be less introverted because it is my natural tendency to be outgoing. But thirty-five years of habit is not easily swept away. My goal is to stop repressing my desire to connect with people but to do it as the aspie I am.

I thoroughly reject being a pseudo-NT.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

How about if you would please just not post anything to my threads - I would appreciate that more. All you are doing is bringing negativity to a thread that was meant to be positive. I can see that nothing I say is ever going to be to your satisfaction, so why should I put in any energy to even try when all you do is keep slamming the door in my face? There comes a point when a person finally has to say they are done with something (or someone) and that is where I am at right now - I am done with you. I am done trying to explain myself and I am done taking anymore crap off of you. You can say anything you want about me, but the people on this site who have been around me will know that it is all untrue. I stay on this site because I generally care about the people I have met here and I hope they feel the same about me. I have learned A LOT about Aspergers where I knew nothing before and I hope that in some way I am helping people on this site to understand NT's. I wish you would stop thinking that all NT's are corrupt people who are out to make your life a living hell because they are not, but only you can change your way of thinking. Until that time, please stop posting to any of my threads as all you are doing is making it an uncomfortable situation for everyone.

**Moderators: would you please do whatever is needed so this thread is not closed?

 

[King_Oni]

Clearly it seems that we can't have nice things, and that any thread that is going to compare Aspies vs. NT will derail in too many arguments that either devolve into bashing or in mudslinging between aspies and NT's alike.

As a moderator I don't think we should play police here and thus this is why this thread is being closed. Even if we moderate threads, within the next few hours it's back to square 1 again.

If any other moderators wish to police this and take actions, go ahead. I'll just close it for the sake of hoping to get people out of each others hair and hopefully learn something from this.