Things NT's Do That Don't Make Sense.

[Easter]

It just occurred to me that I have never concentrated on making the place in which I live a sociable environment, like for visitors... it literally just occurred to me.
I haven't even ever entertained the idea, and, I started to remember times when 'NT's were making spaces for people to visit them and realizing that at the time it made me feel very alien to listen to them tell me about it.

In fact, all 'NT's seem to have this overwhelming desire to make themselves and their homes as inviting as possible and to tell the world about it.

 

[Tarragon]

It just occurred to me that I have never concentrated on making the place in which I live a sociable environment, like for visitors... it literally just occurred to me.
I haven't even ever entertained the idea, and, I started to remember times when 'NT's were making spaces for people to visit them and realizing that at the time it made me feel very alien to listen to them tell me about it.

In fact, all 'NT's seem to have this overwhelming desire to make themselves and their homes as inviting as possible and to tell the world about it.

Absolutely - if people want to visit me then its to see me and not the state of my home!!

 

[Sportster]

It just occurred to me that I have never concentrated on making the place in which I live a sociable environment, like for visitors... it literally just occurred to me.
I haven't even ever entertained the idea, and, I started to remember times when 'NT's were making spaces for people to visit them and realizing that at the time it made me feel very alien to listen to them tell me about it.

In fact, all 'NT's seem to have this overwhelming desire to make themselves and their homes as inviting as possible and to tell the world about it.

Oddly, I have made my place inviting and a possible place for social interaction. However, I don't tell the world about it, nor do I want to use it for socializing. When I do get visitors, they're always amazed at how my place is in light of "who I am." Even though my place is inviting, having guests always stresses me out. When they leave, even after a couple hours, I find myself going through and cleaning, washing the towels, etc.

 

[Billl]

I am brand new to not only this format but this forum, so if my post is out of place; Sorry.

The generally idea that what one see's on TV or hears via Radio is "FACT". No one ever seems to challenge it.

For the life of me, I am not able to understand nor comprehend the observance of so called organized sports. Although I understand the reasoning behind the capitalization of professional sports and subsequently view them as nothing more than a business. To me, the observation (watching) of sports is nothing more than the observation of two or more business or corporations battling for first place such as McDonalds vs Burger King vs KFC etc. Except for possible investors, no one seems to care enough to televised the competition of aforementioned corporations, why then sports.

Ad to that media advertisement, I am an adult, I despise, loath, etc. watching or listening to media ads that seem to aimed at a lack of intelligence. I don't consider myself any more or less intelligent than normal what ever that is. So why do "THEY" (advertisers) think I am considerably less intelligent. At the age of 65, I have probably view hours of advertisements both via radio and television. "NEVER" have I "EVER" been compelled by such to purchase something.

Add to that the generally programs on television depicting events such as determining DNA results using nothing more than a short strand of hair. The entire hair would have been destroyed in the DNA sequencing process and subsequently be available as evidence in a court of law. The results can and are always be repudiated by even a incompetent lawyer.

Sorry for my rant, but I guess by the recent discovery of my A/S it is socially acceptable in this forum.

Billl

 

[umbrellabeach]

The "how are you" is pretty much the same as saying "hi" unless the person means a lot to you and if that's the case you keep eye contact. It's also supposed to look like you care a little about the person you're saying it to - a little more than the just saying "hi" person would matter to you.

That's funny because when people say that to me and then walk away, I get the impression that they don't care about me, that they're just saying it automatically because it's a social norm and I'm someone there to say it to. In all honesty I'd rather be ignored unless someone has something of substance to say to me. Too bad there's no way for strangers to know that.

 

[KassieMac]

That's funny because when people say that to me and then walk away, I get the impression that they don't care about me, that they're just saying it automatically because it's a social norm and I'm someone there to say it to. In all honesty I'd rather be ignored unless someone has something of substance to say to me. Too bad there's no way for strangers to know that.

My initial reaction would be to recommend avoiding eye contact, then I thought maybe that's why people say that we have trouble making eye contact. I don't have trouble with eye contact when in conversation, but if I see someone I know and I don't feel like talking I'll intentionally avoid it (and sometimes try to hide if possible, like in the grocery store).

 

[KassieMac]

I am brand new to not only this format but this forum, so if my post is out of place; Sorry.

The generally idea that what one see's on TV or hears via Radio is "FACT". No one ever seems to challenge it.

For the life of me, I am not able to understand nor comprehend the observance of so called organized sports. Although I understand the reasoning behind the capitalization of professional sports and subsequently view them as nothing more than a business. To me, the observation (watching) of sports is nothing more than the observation of two or more business or corporations battling for first place such as McDonalds vs Burger King vs KFC etc. Except for possible investors, no one seems to care enough to televised the competition of aforementioned corporations, why then sports.

Ad to that media advertisement, I am an adult, I despise, loath, etc. watching or listening to media ads that seem to aimed at a lack of intelligence. I don't consider myself any more or less intelligent than normal what ever that is. So why do "THEY" (advertisers) think I am considerably less intelligent. At the age of 65, I have probably view hours of advertisements both via radio and television. "NEVER" have I "EVER" been compelled by such to purchase something.

Add to that the generally programs on television depicting events such as determining DNA results using nothing more than a short strand of hair. The entire hair would have been destroyed in the DNA sequencing process and subsequently be available as evidence in a court of law. The results can and are always be repudiated by even a incompetent lawyer.

Sorry for my rant, but I guess by the recent discovery of my A/S it is socially acceptable in this forum.

Billl

Hi Billl, welcome!

As a young child I was taken in by advertising, but after once or twice longing & begging for something then finding it boring once I got it … I quickly learned to spot emotional manipulation. Sometimes I enjoy the creativity or humor in ads, but that doesn't make me want to buy the product … I've learned to separate the two. I still laugh when I think of the cute blond airheaded college guy saying "Dude, I'm getting a Dell!" … and though I don't much care for beer Budweiser did some amazing pieces with horses playing football. And the Herding Cats one … my favorite, and I'm not even sure what they were selling. They can be entertaining, but that's not what I base my purchasing decisions on.

And TV 'science'?? Ugh. I'm convinced the reason Crisis was cancelled is because several pivotal points in their investigation rested on text messaging back & forth with a blocked number. Seriously?? Do they not know what 'blocked' means, or do they just assume the audience is stupid?

 

[gonzerd]

Oddly, I have made my place inviting and a possible place for social interaction. However, I don't tell the world about it, nor do I want to use it for socializing. When I do get visitors, they're always amazed at how my place is in light of "who I am." Even though my place is inviting, having guests always stresses me out. When they leave, even after a couple hours, I find myself going through and cleaning, washing the towels, etc.

Oh yes. I would do this all the time. At times my place would be the perfect party pad, but no one ever comes. And then when I go in "I don't care because there's more important stuff to do - mode" and it all turns into a big mess, that's when all of a sudden they do come over. I'd set up sofas and so to sit in, but I'd never use them. Now the house is for sale, so things need to look a bit welcoming for potential buyers and it's making me very anxious. It's not my place anymore now, but I still have to live in it. I'm trying to make it look more or less normal, but it's not good for my daily life and self esteem. I've come to hate doing these things just to keep up appearances, but it needs to be sold, so yeah... Example: I very much prefer to just put the mattress on the ground (so I can sleep closer to earth maybe), but I had to put the bed back up now and remove a lot of the clutter and stuff, so people can walk around easier. The fact I live in a basically a garage/warehouse sort of thing doesn't help either.

And it works the other way around too. When I visit friends the interiors and the way things are organized can really bring me down. I can never stay for too long, it's ridiculous. It all looks just the same to me, same set-ups, same furniture from the same stores, all very cold and impersonal, but practical I suppose. Very rational and sterile.

I guess I just can't live in a living room....

 

[wyverary]

And it works the other way around too. When I visit friends the interiors and the way things are organized can really bring me down. I can never stay for too long, it's ridiculous. It all looks just the same to me, same set-ups, same furniture from the same stores, all very cold and impersonal, but practical I suppose. Very rational and sterile.

I guess I just can't live in a living room....

I can tell when a friend loves and trusts me when I go to their home and they don't feel the need to make everything neat and tidy and sterile.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

That's funny because when people say that to me and then walk away, I get the impression that they don't care about me, that they're just saying it automatically because it's a social norm and I'm someone there to say it to. In all honesty I'd rather be ignored unless someone has something of substance to say to me. Too bad there's no way for strangers to know that.

KassieMac is right. It's about the eye contact. If I don't want to talk I don't look at anyone and keep to myself. I will say "how are you" to like a coworker while still doing whatever I'm doing and if they wish to answer its ok and if they don't answer that's ok too. If I am really wanting to know how the person is doing, I will stop and look directly at them and wait for an answer. For me "hi" is for strangers.

 

[I am Matt]

My issue is people expecting favors. If I need a favor from someone, I'm gonna flat out ask them. If they say yes, great; if they say no, I understand. A lot of people will try to hint (i guess) at wanting something from me, but I'm not someone who will offer stuff. If you ask me, there's a good chance I will help if it's not ridiculous. I've had many incidents where I find out way down the road that someone was upset or thinks I'm an jerk because they didn't just ASK me, but instead thought that I should be offering favors.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

It just occurred to me that I have never concentrated on making the place in which I live a sociable environment, like for visitors... it literally just occurred to me.
I haven't even ever entertained the idea, and, I started to remember times when 'NT's were making spaces for people to visit them and realizing that at the time it made me feel very alien to listen to them tell me about it.

In fact, all 'NT's seem to have this overwhelming desire to make themselves and their homes as inviting as possible and to tell the world about it.

I'm not understanding what you're meaning by "inviting". I have furniture like a living room set, dining room set, bar stools. I like pictures on the walls and artificial flowers. I always try to clean before a get- together, but if my Ma is coming over I usually tidy up but I don't do a real "deep cleaning". Can you explain a little more of what you mean?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

My issue is people expecting favors. If I need a favor from someone, I'm gonna flat out ask them. If they say yes, great; if they say no, I understand. A lot of people will try to hint (i guess) at wanting something from me, but I'm not someone who will offer stuff. If you ask me, there's a good chance I will help if it's not ridiculous. I've had many incidents where I find out way down the road that someone was upset or thinks I'm an jerk because they didn't just ASK me, but instead thought that I should be offering favors.

Could these incidents you speak of be something that happens in NT world where a person would just be "expected" to do a certain something because its etiquette and these people just expect you to know what you should do without them having to ask?What kind of hints do people give you?

 

[I am Matt]

Could these incidents you speak of be something that happens in NT world where a person would just be "expected" to do a certain something because its etiquette and these people just expect you to know what you should do without them having to ask?What kind of hints do people give you?

Hints as in they just complain a lot about whatever problem they have and when I don't respond to that, then they're upset. Since I wouldn't complain to ask for help without asking, I expect to be asked for help if they want help.

Example: I had a cousin who lived with us. His car wouldn't start and he had to get to work about 50 miles in each direction, it didn't even cross my mind to offer. He was able to get his own mom to bring her car over and it was fine (I thought). I then had to hear from my grandma "you couldn't help him out? He said his mom had to bring him her car and he was late" I told her and then told him if you can't ask, i can't help you.

Other examples were when I was in middle school and probably upto sophomore year of HS: my mom would carry groceries in and then tell me "I brought them in all by myself". The problem was she would never say she was at/leaving the store and wouldn't say anything until she had brought the groceries in. Obviously if she said "I'm home with groceries" or "I'm leaving the store" I would go get them. She tried to use the argument that she shouldn't have to say anything and she actually stopped after I said "if your boss said your hours are anywhere from midnight to midnight and you'll just have to guess them, and then fired you, would you say it was fair?"

Of course. this stuff may not be NT stuff but rather people stuff.

 

[KassieMac]

Could these incidents you speak of be something that happens in NT world where a person would just be "expected" to do a certain something because its etiquette and these people just expect you to know what you should do without them having to ask?What kind of hints do people give you?

But that's just the thing … we don't know what their 'rules of etiquette' are because they seem to conveniently change as needed, always putting me at fault. Often I have no idea that they're trying to get something from me until the hammer comes down, but at times I'll admit to ignoring such 'hints'. They're attempts at emotional manipulation because the person is too insecure to ask for help … and I refuse to be manipulated. It becomes a matter of respect. Respect me enough to ask directly & I'll probably do it (I've actually explained this to people, it had no effect) but treat me like an idiot & try to manipulate me … good luck. Your chances went from nearly certain to certainly not.

 

[Judge]

I'm simply not apt to detect "hints" regarding adhering to a type of etiquette that went over my head in the first place.

It's what happens when one assumes another knows "the answer" when they really don't. Especially in real-time when people aren't given much time to think and the situation quickly escalates to negativity over both misunderstanding the other.

Unfortunately I see no immediate or practical solutions to such a common scenario.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Hints as in they just complain a lot about whatever problem they have and when I don't respond to that, then they're upset. Since I wouldn't complain to ask for help without asking, I expect to be asked for help if they want help.

Example: I had a cousin who lived with us. His car wouldn't start and he had to get to work about 50 miles in each direction, it didn't even cross my mind to offer. He was able to get his own mom to bring her car over and it was fine (I thought). I then had to hear from my grandma "you couldn't help him out? He said his mom had to bring him her car and he was late" I told her and then told him if you can't ask, i can't help you.

Other examples were when I was in middle school and probably upto sophomore year of HS: my mom would carry groceries in and then tell me "I brought them in all by myself". The problem was she would never say she was at/leaving the store and wouldn't say anything until she had brought the groceries in. Obviously if she said "I'm home with groceries" or "I'm leaving the store" I would go get them. She tried to use the argument that she shouldn't have to say anything and she actually stopped after I said "if your boss said your hours are anywhere from midnight to midnight and you'll just have to guess them, and then fired you, would you say it was fair?"

Of course. this stuff may not be NT stuff but rather people stuff.

I don't think those incidents come from NTness. Rather, it's your particular family that's really bad at communicating/asking for help.
No NT would possibly be able to help your mother with the groceries if she had already walked in with them without telling them beforehand!

 

[Judge]

I don't think those incidents come from NTness. Rather, it's your particular family that's really bad at communicating/asking for help.
No NT would possibly be able to help your mother with the groceries if she had already walked in with them without telling them beforehand!

Good point. There could be even more complex social dynamics in play with that situation.

It never fails to amaze me at how cohesive or dysfunctional families can be.

 

[KassieMac]

I don't think those incidents come from NTness. Rather, it's your particular family that's really bad at communicating/asking for help.
No NT would possibly be able to help your mother with the groceries if she had already walked in with them without telling them beforehand!

No, it's not just that particular family. That's actually called Martyr Syndrome. My mother has it too, it seems to stem from long-held resentment over giving birth (not my choice, not my fault), changing diapers (ditto), and basically expecting their offspring to worship them in exchange for their 'sacrifice'. If I'd known the price & been given a choice I would've said 'No, thanks, I'd rather not be born than have it used against me forever.' I'm pretty d@mn sick of being persecuted for things I had no control over. I get this everywhere I go, but my mother is 1000x worse than anyone I've ever met.

She also resents & torments me for not having blond hair & blue eyes. Umm, I didn't choose my father, she did.

 

[Ste11aeres]

No, it's not just that particular family. That's actually called Martyr Syndrome. My mother has it too, it seems to stem from long-held resentment over giving birth (not my choice, not my fault), changing diapers (ditto), and basically expecting their offspring to worship them in exchange for their 'sacrifice'. If I'd known the price & been given a choice I would've said 'No, thanks, I'd rather not be born than have it used against me forever.' I'm pretty d@mn sick of being persecuted for things I had no control over. I get this everywhere I go, but my mother is 1000x worse than anyone I've ever met.

She also resents & torments me for not having blond hair & blue eyes. Umm, I didn't choose my father, she did.

Yeah, I've met women like that. It irritates me because I actually like caring for infants (or children), am very happy when around them, would like to have children of my own, but given the lousy state of my social life, a family probably won't happen.
These women have a husband who loves them (Ideally. I know there are other women in lousy romantic situations), and children that they can love...and they spend their time complaining and resentful about the people who should be dearest to them.