In some ways, I consider myself lucky because I know Aspies often struggle with social connections. I've managed to meet some great people and cobble out some wonderful friendships throughout my life. However, recently I've often found myself disappointed with the quality of my friendships. I recently moved to a new place after living in the same apartment for almost 7 years. This is my first time living without a roommate or family. In other words, this is a major life event! I expected my closest friends would take notice. However, none did.
My closest friend here barely seemed to register the fact that I had moved. A couple of weeks ago he asked me to remind him what neighborhood I was in and casually mentioned that he was close by. I assumed he wanted to hang out and perhaps see my new apartment but he never showed up. I was lamenting this to my therapist when he mentioned Aristotle's Three Types of Friendships: Friendships Of Utility, Pleasure, and Good (see image below).
This concept made so much sense to me. I have always wanted Friendships of "good." Close friendships that are based on mutual affection and interest. I have been lucky enough to have a couple "Friendships of Good" but because of circumstances (graduating college, moving to another city/country), I no longer speak with these friends on a regular basis.
It seems, my "closest" friendships are now at best, ones of "pleasure." My friends call me when they're bored and want to do something. I'm the drinking buddy, their plus 2 for a movie or social event (ironic, huh). However, when there's nothing going on, I rarely hear from them. They almost never check in on me, we don't spend hours talking about our lives, we rarely hang out outside of some activity.
My therapist noted that all three friendships types were valid and I agree. However, it bothers me that I currently have no close friendships "of good" and I can't even say the friendships I do have are based on mutual "utility" or "pleasure" as they are heavily skewed towards the other person's wants and interests.
I'm curious as to what types of friendships you all have, if any, and whether you're satisfied with this or not.
My closest friend here barely seemed to register the fact that I had moved. A couple of weeks ago he asked me to remind him what neighborhood I was in and casually mentioned that he was close by. I assumed he wanted to hang out and perhaps see my new apartment but he never showed up. I was lamenting this to my therapist when he mentioned Aristotle's Three Types of Friendships: Friendships Of Utility, Pleasure, and Good (see image below).
This concept made so much sense to me. I have always wanted Friendships of "good." Close friendships that are based on mutual affection and interest. I have been lucky enough to have a couple "Friendships of Good" but because of circumstances (graduating college, moving to another city/country), I no longer speak with these friends on a regular basis.
It seems, my "closest" friendships are now at best, ones of "pleasure." My friends call me when they're bored and want to do something. I'm the drinking buddy, their plus 2 for a movie or social event (ironic, huh). However, when there's nothing going on, I rarely hear from them. They almost never check in on me, we don't spend hours talking about our lives, we rarely hang out outside of some activity.
My therapist noted that all three friendships types were valid and I agree. However, it bothers me that I currently have no close friendships "of good" and I can't even say the friendships I do have are based on mutual "utility" or "pleasure" as they are heavily skewed towards the other person's wants and interests.
I'm curious as to what types of friendships you all have, if any, and whether you're satisfied with this or not.