The Mask of Normality

[Ambi]

I realize this is a video, but I didn't think it really belonged in the media vault. Basically, I find this video to offer informative and helpful tips about how to realistically and healthfully exist in this NT world.

 

[Ambi]

And here's her follow-up of why the above is so difficult. Offers more self-validation than tips, though it's useful info for understanding ourselves - and for others to understand us.

 

[tree]

It occurs to me why the word "mask" bothers me so much
in this regard. I dislike that 'mask' concept because, to me,
a mask involves falsity.

I am more comfortable thinking of "acting normal" as being
an additional facet to a personality, rather than a coverup.

 

[Ambi]

It occurs to me why the word "mask" bothers me so much
in this regard. I dislike that 'mask' concept because, to me,
a mask involves falsity.

I am more comfortable thinking of "acting normal" as being
an additional facet to a personality, rather than a coverup.

I like this idea - takes some of the stress away for me, like it's about growth that still occurs within the integrity of our personality. Seems like that could have been the third follow-up video - the new direction that could get us out of the conundrum she mentions.

 

[Nitro]

I honestly believe that every human being must put up some kind of facade in order to interact with their world. Not everyone wakes up in the morning feeling all sunshine and roses every day out of the year.
In order to maintain some sense of decency towards others,we hold back thought when necessary,become comfortable around others and can let our guard down when the time is right.

I never thought of what I was doing as masking,only being a part of what I wanted to be. We all are forced to play act on a huge stage,some getting starring roles,while others only get bit parts. Plain and simple truth of it all is those who don't choose to act miss out on what their surroundings have to offer.

 

[tree]

@Nitro
"I never thought of what I was doing as masking,only being a part of what I wanted to be."

@tree
I am more comfortable thinking of "acting normal" as being
an additional facet to a personality, rather than a coverup.


I am not sure, but I think these statements are
equivalent. I could be wrong, but it seems that
way to me.

 

[Nitro]

@Nitro
"I never thought of what I was doing as masking,only being a part of what I wanted to be."

@tree
I am more comfortable thinking of "acting normal" as being
an additional facet to a personality, rather than a coverup.


I am not sure, but I think these statements are
equivalent. I could be wrong, but it seems that
way to me.

I would have to agree that personality plays a huge role here.

 

[FreeDiver]

Wearing the mask, in and of it's self, has never been a problem for me, as I understand that even NT's wear them as well. The biggest problem is knowing when to change masks on the fly when needed and well as having to wear the mask for too long. Wearing the mask for too long can cause unnecessary levels of stress. Not to mention, not knowing the right time to change your mask in social situations just adds load more stress to the situation because you're always on RED ALERT, looking for that cue that tells you to change and hope that you haven't missed it. All in all. it's not that I don't understand it. It's making sure that you have enough mental energy to get through it without burning out.

 

[Judge]

I am more comfortable thinking of "acting normal" as being an additional facet to a personality, rather than a coverup.

Me too! Unfortunately NTs in my immediate presence usually had a very different response.

I was never so concerned of the moral or semantic implications of pretending to be that who I wasn't given more often than not it kept my ass from being kicked.

While I can appreciate the sentiment of being who I really am, the social need to mask it has seldom changed.

 

[Nitro]

To me,blending in is a game. I don't find it either hard or stressful to do,it's just what works,so I play along to stay in the game.
The role of the NT is really not that hard to mimic because it doesn't vary all that much,in fact,I find them quite predictable.
Small talk isn't a full on dissertation,it's a signal that says "hey,I'm pretty normal" and if the conversations needs to go further,wait until they continue it and follow their lead.If it is just a slight formality,it will end rather quickly,so no harm,no foul if you can't keep it going.

 

[kay]

I am polite towards people but that is as much "normal" as I feel necessary. As long as I am not interfering with anyone else then it seems that weird is fine. Etiquette is good. So, yeah, singing show tunes in public is not a good idea. But "masking" just to blend doesn't seem worth it. It's ok for me anyways to be seen as a bit strange, after all I like strange people and some of the NTs I know that are the most respected by others certainly are a bit weird themselves.

I stim in public since none of my stims are imposing in anyway on anyone else. The rocking and hair tugging merely look odd. My style of dress doesn't quite fit in with what others are wearing sometimes since I refuse to wear heels, anything uncomfortable, or cosmetics. I can still wear dress up clothes though and be clean and have my hair combed. It may not meet everybody's expectations, but pleasing everyone is impossible. I talk to people and know that I may sometimes seem a bit peculiar but if I've managed to not be actually rude then I feel ok. Even if I do momentarily sometimes sound like I'm delivering a sales pitch for traveling in Kansas. Anyhoo, what I'm saying is weird is ok until you've started stepping on someone else's rights.

I just got done with two hours of volunteer work with the local Democrats. I did go through the handshakes, ect.. and did my best at the get to know each other chit-chat. I also mentioned my aspergers, made poor eye contact (though I made some and nodded a lot so they knew I was listening), and I didn't hide my stims. All went well. I got my work done, enjoyed a cup of tea, and now I'm home enjoying my recovery time. It isn't always that good, and each situation is different, but in general that's what I'm comfortable with. Sorry for the rambling thoughts, here. Not sure any of it's clear.

 

[gregmcph]

For me, it's not so much of a mask, but more energizing up and committing to the moment. There's a person here who wants to talk to me, so don't be lazy, distracted, passive.

Shake myself up and do it as well as I can. Listen and contribute. Look into their eyes now and again. Bite my tongue and don't say the weird stuff that just wandered into my head. My job right now is to give this person what they need.