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The Aspie Girl’s Guide to Being Safe with Men

The Aspie Girl’s Guide to Being Safe with Men 2023-08-27


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VictorR submitted a new resource:

The Aspie Girl’s Guide to Being Safe with Men - A book about boundaries and one’s body

Aspies girls and women are incredibly vulnerable to having bad sexual relationships with men, whether or not they are interested in pursuing dating and sexual relationships. This may be partly because as teenagers, Aspie girls are often not part of the social groups where their non-spectrum peers learn the ‘rules’ that are vital to their physical and emotional safety in society. Debi Brown has written this important book to fill the resulting knowledge gap – how to interact safety with men –...

Read more about this resource...
Chapter List:

Why I Wrote the Aspie Girl’s Guide and Why You Should Read It

Part I: The Support, Knowledge and Skills You need as Pre-Requisites to Being Safe with Men
Chapter 1: Your Support Network
Chapter 2: Boundaries
Chapter 3: Useful Rules

Part II: Being Safe with Men: Protecting Yourself, Making Informed Choices and Acting on Your Choices
Chapter 4: Understanding the Female and Male Bodies
Chapter 5: Boyfriends
Chapter 6: Kissing
Chapter 7: What is Sex?
Chapter 8: Safer Sex
Chapter 9: Pregnancy and Abortion
Chapter 10: Too Young for Sex?
Chapter 11: Making Your Choices and Acting on Them
Chapter 12: What to Do if You Get Raped

Part III: Emotional Healing
Chapter 13: Emotional Healing

Why the Aspie Girl’s Guide is Written as it is
Note to Professionals
Review #37

Being and staying safe is a topic that is dear to me, and as I’ve yet to cover a book written specifically on the topic, I decided to pick one out of the JKP catalogue to review.

This book is split into three sections, of which the first one, making up about a third of the book, is good general reading for everyone that is one of the stronger parts of the book, and expanded upon, would make a good book on its own – on building a support network, setting boundaries, and some basic rules (including self-love and self-acceptance). Things that help us life healthy lives.

The third and relatively short part is about trauma recovery in general, and is also quite generally applicable to everyone and all sorts of trauma and how we can recover from them, and the importance of not blaming oneself for bad things that have happened to them.

The bulk of the book is in the second section, divided into chapters of various lengths. It uses plain language in explaining what is and isn’t appropriate, in terms of intimate relationships and bodily contact (touching, kissing, sex), and building on the section on boundaries, how to identify if someone is acting inappropriately, or in a way that we do not want or are not ready for, and on being prepared to say no, or to deflect to something that one is more comfortable with.

Overall, this is a solid book on setting boundaries in regards to one’s body.

While we should not judge a book by its cover, its title is something that one would expect the author to give careful consideration – how do they feel their work could be best represented? The title here is one that seems rather wide encompassing. The author acknowledges that there’s much more they could have written about, and considering the title, I am surprised that the book doesn’t cover some basics of safe dating (such as not going over to someone else’s place or inviting someone over on a date until you know them well, or how to get out of a bad situation, things which if avoided could result in minimizing the risk of running into the bad situations described in this book), nor does it cover how to identify non-sexual abusive situations (e.g. emotional abuse or financial abuse). In that sense, the book does not live up to its title, which in my opinion seems to be exaggerated in scope to get more sales, and that is unfortunately going to result in a deduction from me in my rating.

That being stated, the book does cover a relatively delicate topic and I acknowledge that it’s not an easy one to write, especially as the author is in part drawing from her own experiences, and so I applaud her bravery in doing so.

Score: 5.0/6.0
Based on the chapters, I think this book would’ve really helped me as a young person. It should have a chapter on consent specifically, though.
Thank you, again, VictorR. I appreciate your analysis. Especially as someone who has difficulty reading entire books, it has been helpful to have these maps that you create.
Wish l had something like this growing up. It should be required reading for all woman. I spoke to my daughter about rape, when an attempt did take place, she was so grateful that we spoke about this. I wasn't so lucky, and went thru a date rape.
Wish l had something like this growing up. It should be required reading for all woman. I spoke to my daughter about rape, when an attempt did take place, she was so grateful that we spoke about this. I wasn't so lucky, and went thru a date rape.
Me too.
When I was younger I would see men as not being any really different from women except for body parts and would usually get along with them well. Maybe this was due to my asexuality spectrum?
^ Those who don’t date won’t experience date rape. There are other possibilities, though.

Some people do prey on those who are vulnerable, but that’s certainly not most people or most men.

This study aimed to quantitatively examine the sexual functioning of autistic females (N = 135), by comparing these to the sexual interest, behaviours, and experiences to 96 autistic males and 161 typically developing females. Autistic females reported less sexual interest, yet more experiences than autistic males. More autistic females also reported engaging in sexual behaviours that were later regretted, unwanted, or receiving unwanted sexual advances. Differences between autistic and typically developing females were significant. Results indicate that due to a mismatch between less sexual interest, yet increased sexual behaviours, autistic women are at greater risk of negative sexual experiences including victimisation and abuse than autistic men.

Women on the spectrum are at an especially high risk of being victimized, but it can happen to any gender. This particular book could be helpful for girls and young women, but we need to prepare kids no matter what. Being on the spectrum makes one vulnerable to abuse. Period.
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We can't read body language and intent the way that NT's can. So, where an NT will see a million red flags, and stay away from a certain person, ND's will be lured in. The isolation of being ND also makes it dangerous for us, as there isn't much of a safety net or community for many of us to fall back on. A predator typically locates prey that is isolated from the herd.
The isolation of being ND also makes it dangerous for us, as there isn't much of a safety net or community for many of us to fall back on.

Yep, and that was a big part of the author's focus in Part I on building and having a good support network and having self-confidence - to have peers who can help watch out for you and point out potential concerns, but also in feeling less alone and being more confident so that one is less likely to be, out of desperation, getting into or stuck in an abusive relationship.

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