Take turns talking

[Skittlebisquit]

There is a rhythm to it that I don't understand. This rhythm seems to vary or rather the speed of it does. Sometimes I get it right, mostly I don't.
Is she interrupting me when I am speaking or am I talking wrong? Did I repeat myself yet again (like for clarity) because I do that a lot. I can't help it. Does she know that when she interrupts me that it confuses me? Sometimes I am talking to myself I guess.

I must remember, it's a motto, from a really neat book called The Four Agreements .
"Never take anything personally."

But it seems really mean. On the one hand she encourages me to speak, and asks me about my day. But then she doesn't let me finish a sentence without interruption. Do all normal people talk this way? I thought we were supposed to take turns.

What I don't understand, is why can't I just tell a simple story and be done with it? Where is the need for clarification? Why is someone who claims to be my friend in need of information about my chores? I think my chores are pretty boring, why is she interested in how far i got in making a repair? Maybe I don't know what a friend is and that is why I don't have very many, because I don't know what is expected of me.

Perhaps I should as a policy write a summary of a typical day and then simply read it aloud when ever anyone asks me
" so how did things go today, did you get anything done? "
I could say things like today was swell I got a lot of stuff done. And then follow that with a question like how was your day? But that's what I already try to do. I guess it's the interview type of conversation that confuses me. I think I will write several phrases that seemed to be things that normal people would like to hear on the Whiteboard, and then I can just read them aloud whenever anyone asks me a question in a phone call. Is that dishonest? Would my friends be able to tell that I was being fake? Is that really fake?

Apparently my friends think very highly of me. She has been here before. Many times in fact. One of the times that she was here she took everything out of the mud room to clean the room. Cleaning various parts of my house seems to be an important reason for her to come here. The first time she was here she reorganized my pantry.

It seems that my friend doesn't know that there is anything wrong with me. That seems strange because there is a large model describing the structure of the universe that is made out of glass in my living room. It is quite complex , and large enough to take up the entire surface area of two full size sheets of plywood that's pretty big ! there are 6 large circular panes of glass that are marked with strange symbols and mathematical formula . There are also included in this display several plumbobs hanging from the ceiling and the display incorporates some mirrors . Also I have not had a job since 2012 because I have problems with.....

So my cherished friend(different person) says that there are three policies to follow when one is being used as a bucket. This means that someone has called me up just to complain about the same things that they complained about last time they called.

First limit the scope, second change the subject, 3rd limit the duration.
This policy is very effective and limiting the damage that a negative person can do to me in a phone conversation. Is this what my new friend is doing to me?

Thank you for listening. Never give up. Keep trying to continue to be awesome no matter what happens.

If you need to build a model out of stuff that you get for free and have been working on for 20years in order to explain something by taking pictures of the model that's just fine.

Thank you for listening

 

[Thinx]

This was great to read, I have had some similar thoughts.

That's weird that someone would clean your house, unasked.

Your model sounds interesting, post a picture?

 

[Skittlebisquit]

 

[unperson]

A woman comes to your house and cleans tends to mean she's interested in wifey/girlfriend duties. Sounds like she actually wants you to ask her about her day, sometimes the questions people ask you mean they want you to ask them those questions, eg people who ask you what you're doing on the weekend really want you to ask them what they're doing cos they've got some event on, something they want to talk about. Ask questions of your questioner.

 

[Progster]

On the one hand she encourages me to speak, and asks me about my day. But then she doesn't let me finish a sentence without interruption. Do all normal people talk this way? I thought we were supposed to take turns.

Poor impulse control on her part. Something that I'm guilty of doing myself, and when I do, it's down to poor impulse control on my part.

There's a tendency on our part to assume that, because we are on the spectrum, that we are faulty and everyone else's communication is flawless, and if something is going wrong, then it must be our fault. Not so. Good communication is a skill, and many people are not good at this. They interupt, don't take turns, dominate the conversation, talk over people, don't really listen, etc.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Its called the astrolabe project. Its been larger, you cant really see most of it in one shot. I am trying to capture the sky in ithe glass. There are lots of pics going back many years. Only a few on the phone, that is how i get online these days and why i dont capitalize or spell very well. I talkde to it and thats how i did this one and "our lord and lady ascendent"

 

[Skittlebisquit]

A woman comes to your house and cleans tends to mean she's interested in wifey/girlfriend duties. Sounds like she actually wants you to ask her about her day, sometimes the questions people ask you mean they want you to ask them those questions, eg people who ask you what you're doing on the weekend really want you to ask them what they're doing cos they've got some event on, something they want to talk about. Ask questions of your questioner.

Right golden rule, people treat us as they wish to be treated. I feel like its time compression sometimes.

 

[All-Rounder]

I talk a lot with people Im interested in. I have an issue with turn taking too, and talking over people because I have a lot to explain especially if I think people didn't understand in the right way. I have tons to add, just saying one thing isn't enough to show my experiences.

But coincidentally it really bothers me if people get mad at me because of it and try to control the conversation.

But i also like to listen to them, which in the case of autistic people, some can be too silent and not reply in the same effective flow I use [passive talkers]. so if i have to ask tons of questions about their day and details in many ways until i find the answer to my interests, that exhsusts me enormously and I then become frustrated and irritable. Oddly enough passive talkers also get tired of these questions.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Can you go into more detail about passive talkers? I think i might be that.

 

[OkRad]

Yeah, it is like a dance but it's not a conscious dance. For those who wrangle over it, it's perplexing. There are so many little nuances that people engage in.

I bet if you locked people in a room together and put a partition between them so you could not even SEE each other, just the sighs, the movements, the silence, the breathing, the unspoken expressions of existence would be enough to let the other person make judgments and at think they "know" the other.

Humans have antennae, I am convinced. Buried in the skull, but they are there.

Some of us have their antennae clipped.