stopping tics/stims

[Jordy]

Have any of you ever successfully gotten rid of a stim/tics? I have a couple that i desperately want to get rid of. I wanna get rid all the facial tics and little sounds i make.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Most of us will mask in order to fit in. But to rid yourself of these entirely? Would it be correct to say these tics and sounds happen in times of happiness and sadness? As such they are your way of processing such emotions.

Sure, we often get looked at strangely if someone witnesses such behaviour. But to eradicate it entirely? For what purpose? To fit in? To mask more? To pretend that genuine aspects of your behaviour shouldn't exist?

I suppose what is normal to one person can just as easily be abnormal to someone else.

There might be therapies out there who could assist you. I would imagine it would be costly and very time consuming. If you think it's a necessity, then it's something you can investigate.

In truth, I think most of us learn to live with the tics. I mask throughout the day and then, on the drive home I'm hit with a cascade of hyperactivity, hand flapping, screaming all sorts of oddities, strange accents, noises and quotes from comedy shows etc.

Would I want to go out of my way to stop all that? No - because it's part of me. Awkwardness be damned. I look at perfectly normal behaviour that a lot of people do at work and I find it abnormal and abhorrent. In truth - this normality looks very boring and dull. Sure tics and all this might be odd, but it's colourful.

Most people don't get me. So why should I get rid of aspects of myself in order to try and blend in? Feeling isolated is difficult, but I don't think it should mean radical changes in order to fit in. Because who is truly fitting in then? Is it the real you? Or is it just another mask you've put on?

Self acceptance is an important part of living with autism. To forcibly deny yourself things in order to appear normal might not be a good approach - it's why masking is so exhausting.

At least that's my opinion. In previous posts I've seen your depressive tone etc and I wonder if this desire for change is fuelled by feelings and beliefs of unworthiness.

You know what is nice - finding friends who you're comfortable being yourself around. True friends of mine I'm happy to drop some of the mask. And I'll be hyper, and stuck with voices and verbal tics etc. Sure, some call me crazy. Sometimes I act the clown - but it enables me to find an outlet for all that energy.

A good friend of mine calls me a "crackhead" all the time because I'm happy to just go off on one all the time when we voice chat. It's very similar to when Beavis becomes Cornholio - it's uncontrollable hyperactivity and truth be told, I'm not upset or miserable during those moments, so I'm happy for them to continue.

Ed

 

[Suzette]

I think @Raggamuffin has a point. Being yourself should not be a point of contention for yourself.

There is a movie called Head of the Class. It is based on the real life story of Brad Cohen, a man with Tourets who dreamed of being an elementary school teacher. It is an excellent movie. It brought me to tears! Honestly, Brad Cohen will make you feel foolish for being worried about your ticks and suddenly proud and inspired too.
About Brad Cohen | Brad Cohen Tourette Foundation
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1292594/

I say all this but I do understand! I have spent much of my life having ridgid self control. When I got married in my early 20s I wouldn't even burp or fart in the presence of my husband. Come to think of it, my very horrible first marriage was probably one big 20 year meltdown. It takes a collosal amount of energy to not fart in front of someone.
It took me decades to learn to be myself. Now that I can more easily relax I find I have tics I never knew about. I find I make small noises, almost like hiccups and it takes me by suprise! It's just there! Thankfully my second husband is more forgiving. When I make my odd noises we just laugh about it.

Ironically the "solution" might actually be in self acceptance. The less stress and anxiety you feel the less you may display tics.

 

[Aspychata]

Maybe see if you can change strange noises into a giggle or trying breathing really slow. Maybe chew sugarless gum. That keeps your mouth occupied.

I thought l made strange faces, and l decided looking to strange bothered me. So l concentrate on just keeping a poker face. Like pretend you are in high stakes card game and you don't want to give the advantage to the other player.

 

[Raggamuffin]

So the internet went down at work briefly. For a moment I thought it was this site going down like it did yesterday. Anyway, I read my book and got to a section that is rather apt, so let me type it here:

The Trouble with Normal
The trouble with "normal," as Bruce Coburn tells us in his distinctively Canadian socio-political folk song, is it always gets worse. So-called "normal" people struggle to become "better than normal," and those who find themselves set apart by their uniqueness and/or challenges torture themselves because they wish they were "more normal." "Normal" is an exclusive club whose membership is based on an illusion. It's easy to pinpoint the "statistically average." Insurance adjusters do it all the time. "Normal" is everywhere and nowhere. It is normal to fall into different ranges of diversity in different areas. it is normal for some people to be outside the range of conventional social expectation and be outrageously different. No one is completely "normal." It is a target that doesn't exist, yet we hold fast to this precarious ideal and beat each other (and ourselves) up over it.

"If only I could be more normal," we say, and treat the blessings that make us who we are as if they were some kind of pestilence. Yet is it not all our fault. Mainstream society, the statistically average and dominant, hold on to social expectations and conventional standards as if they were membership requirements. When a person does not fit the image of what the majority expects everyone to be like, there is a harsh judgement of unworthiness. Membership in the clique of the "normal" is denied. A person who isn't careful can internalize this judgement and stigmatize themselves as not good enough. Stigma does untold personal and social damage.

Rather than basing trust on acceptance on meeting "normal" social expectations and conventional standards, we can ground ourselves in curiosity and allow other people's uniqueness to speak to us. It is natural to reserve trust until it is earned, but that doesn't mean we have to reject others on the basis of certain qualities. When people don't meet our expectations, it is expectation itself we need to release. Philosophers and spiritual leaders have long been telling us how expectations get us in trouble. Beating ourselves up because we don't meet "normal" expectations is a sure ticket to Ghost Town. It is normal to experience anxiety and depression. It is normal to get caught up in narrow self-absorbed prejudices, coping mechanisms and quirky habits. It is normal to panic when we feel distress and think it will get worse. It is normal to have challenges to contend with in life. It is especially normal to not feel "normal."

[...]

Let's be different proudly, keep learning who we are, and do what we have to do to take care of ourselves and each other. Let's flow with what makes us different and explore the differences between us rather than pushing each other away and not feeling good enough. What a silly bunch we are."

Gets a bit idealistic towards the end, but it's well intended. That's a excerpt from Trauma, Stigma and Autism. I have found the book particularly apt as it's written by a therapist who is on the spectrum.

Ed

 

[Judge]

Stims are where I draw a line in terms of coexisting with others. No masking there. I don't care the least what people think of my stims of swaying back and forth or pacing.

None at all. Besides, on some levels we're ALL individuals for better or worse.

 

[Aspychata]

So the internet went down at work briefly. For a moment I thought it was this site going down like it did yesterday. Anyway, I read my book and got to a section that is rather apt, so let me type it here:

The Trouble with Normal
The trouble with "normal," as Bruce Coburn tells us in his distinctively Canadian socio-political folk song, is it always gets worse. So-called "normal" people struggle to become "better than normal," and those who find themselves set apart by their uniqueness and/or challenges torture themselves because they wish they were "more normal." "Normal" is an exclusive club whose membership is based on an illusion. It's easy to pinpoint the "statistically average." Insurance adjusters do it all the time. "Normal" is everywhere and nowhere. It is normal to fall into different ranges of diversity in different areas. it is normal for some people to be outside the range of conventional social expectation and be outrageously different. No one is completely "normal." It is a target that doesn't exist, yet we hold fast to this precarious ideal and beat each other (and ourselves) up over it.

"If only I could be more normal," we say, and treat the blessings that make us who we are as if they were some kind of pestilence. Yet is it not all our fault. Mainstream society, the statistically average and dominant, hold on to social expectations and conventional standards as if they were membership requirements. When a person does not fit the image of what the majority expects everyone to be like, there is a harsh judgement of unworthiness. Membership in the clique of the "normal" is denied. A person who isn't careful can internalize this judgement and stigmatize themselves as not good enough. Stigma does untold personal and social damage.

Rather than basing trust on acceptance on meeting "normal" social expectations and conventional standards, we can ground ourselves in curiosity and allow other people's uniqueness to speak to us. It is natural to reserve trust until it is earned, but that doesn't mean we have to reject others on the basis of certain qualities. When people don't meet our expectations, it is expectation itself we need to release. Philosophers and spiritual leaders have long been telling us how expectations get us in trouble. Beating ourselves up because we don't meet "normal" expectations is a sure ticket to Ghost Town. It is normal to experience anxiety and depression. It is normal to get caught up in narrow self-absorbed prejudices, coping mechanisms and quirky habits. It is normal to panic when we feel distress and think it will get worse. It is normal to have challenges to contend with in life. It is especially normal to not feel "normal."

[...]

Let's be different proudly, keep learning who we are, and do what we have to do to take care of ourselves and each other. Let's flow with what makes us different and explore the differences between us rather than pushing each other away and not feeling good enough. What a silly bunch we are."

Gets a bit idealistic towards the end, but it's well intended. That's a excerpt from Trauma, Stigma and Autism. I have found the book particularly apt as it's written by a therapist who is on the spectrum.

Ed

I have always been attracted to the more unique individuals that have life stories and this creates character and strengths in them. Normal is just boring to me. That has always been my issue. The diverse personalities here at this forum prove that uniqueness is well and alive in America. Alot of us here think outside of the pigeon holes that society jams down us. It's also difficult to be a free thinker because people dislike those who don't follow the road map of conformity. This forces normal people to re-examine their thought belief system which can be difficult because these beliefs are very engrained.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I think this is why I can pick up someone's vibe straight away. I too attract a lot of weird and wonderful people. I can tell very quickly if I'm going to get on with someone. Usually it's quite obvious if someone is going to be rather dull/normal.

There lies the benefit of being an oddball I guess - you have a radar for other people who are similar to yourself. Which is why masking and trying to pretend to be normal is such a tragedy. Whilst not conforming can mean you get the occasional odd looks or scathing comments from nasty people - it doesn't mean we have to stop being true to ourselves.

It's a little odd that this office job I'm currently in is just full of normal people - I'd have thought statistically there'd be someone I'd get on with. But that one guy got sacked and since then nobody new has joined who has peaked my interest. It really has taken its toll on my mental health being cooped up somewhere where I rarely have a laugh, or partake in socialising to break up the tedium of the day to day workload.

Ed

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

You're still young. You'll grow out of some of your stims by your mid twenties.

 

[Kalinychta]

I don’t think the impulse will ever go away (it’s woven into your brain), but perhaps with practice you can learn to control your stims. I’ve rocked my whole life, but I never do it in public, not even when I’m upset about something and desperately want to. I don’t know anything about tics, though. That might be a question for a doctor.

 

[watersprite]

@phantom hi I successfully changed one of my stims. At least I think so. I used to tear at the skin around my fingers with my teeth.
i have a few stims but that one bothered me as it hurt & there were occasional infections .

To change it, I chose another mouth & teeth based stim. I wanted one that no one coild see, so I gently click my teeth. Not grinding them, just clicking.
It did not work until I made myself do a 1 minute plank every time I touched my mouth with my hands.
After 2 or 3 weeks of working on this, I noticed it had changed.

The combination of choosing a substitute that felt good with the slight endorphin hit from doing planks: that worked for me.

I still do my other stims and don’t feel I need or want to change them.

 

[Jordy]

@phantom hi I successfully changed one of my stims. At least I think so. I used to tear at the skin around my fingers with my teeth.
i have a few stims but that one bothered me as it hurt & there were occasional infections .

To change it, I chose another mouth & teeth based stim. I wanted one that no one coild see, so I gently click my teeth. Not grinding them, just clicking.
It did not work until I made myself do a 1 minute plank every time I touched my mouth with my hands.
After 2 or 3 weeks of working on this, I noticed it had changed.

The combination of choosing a substitute that felt good with the slight endorphin hit from doing planks: that worked for me.

I still do my other stims and don’t feel I need or want to change them.

Thats a good idea, i should do some core exercises anyway to approve my posture a bit.

I wanna get rid of lip biting and blinking mostly, supressing my sounds isn't to hard in public.

The blinking tic has come and gone, at some point it was so severe my eye lid started to hurt. If i am completely relaxed the stims arent that bad, but in conversation with people that aren't close family members that's impossible.

 

[Aneka]

Have any of you ever successfully gotten rid of a stim/tics? I have a couple that i desperately want to get rid of. I wanna get rid all the facial tics and little sounds i make.

More like trading one for another. I think I have successfully transformed picking at my lips into hair twirling.
I have another slightly harmful OCD like stim I'm not proud of and I still do this one when I'really stressed and anxious.

The urge will never go away, even non autistic people stim.

 

[Jordy]

More like trading one for another. I think I have successfully transformed picking at my lips into hair twirling.
I have another slightly harmful OCD like stim I'm not proud of and I still do this one when I'really stressed and anxious.

The urge will never go away, even non autistic people stim.

On girls twirling with hair is definitely cuter than biting lips, I will have to find something else to replace it with though.

 

[Nervous Rex]

@phantom hi I successfully changed one of my stims.

This is the only way I've had success. I basically substitute a visible stim for a less visible one.

Instead of fidgeting with my hands, I'll stick my hand in my pocket and fidget with a straw thingy (It's scientific name is thingimus plasticus). Or I'll start working anagrams or math problems in my head.

 

[watersprite]

This is the only way I've had success. I basically substitute a visible stim for a less visible one.

Instead of fidgeting with my hands, I'll stick my hand in my pocket and fidget with a straw thingy (It's scientific name is thingimus plasticus). Or I'll start working anagrams or math problems in my head.

Anagrams are excellent for me as well, for sponging up other stims.

 

[Fino]

What does it mean to "be yourself"? To never change? That's impossible. Who are we? Whatever we are without effort? Do we not constantly seek to self-improve?

You seem unfazed by it, but just saying, don't let anyone make you feel shame for making efforts to change yourself.

I second what people are saying about using replacements. Just keep in mind the cliche, habits die hard.

 

[Au Naturel]

If a tic or stim is getting in the way of social activities, lose it. The best technique I know of is substitution. Substitute one that isn't as obvious for the one that annoys.

There is no "true" you. You are a blend of your genetics, your environment, your interactions, and your decisions. Everything that happens in life changes you. Every second of time that goes by creates a slightly different person. In some ways, you have far more control over who "you" are than you know and in other ways, despite what some people insist, you have no control at all. Nobody is infinitely malleable.

If there is something you can change and you need to change it, then change it. The act of control is an act of creation. You are a work in progress until the day you die.

 

[Kalinychta]

If a tic or stim is getting in the way of social activities, lose it.

This is such a strange idea to me, because I never chose my stim. It chose me. I’ve been rocking since I was an infant, and although I have “changed” it in terms of environment (e.g. I haven’t rocked on the couch or in the car since I was a kid), I would never be able to change the rocking itself into a different stim. I can only choose when and where I do it.

 

[Fino]

This is such a strange idea to me, because I never chose my stim. It chose me. I’ve been rocking since I was an infant, and although I have “changed” it in terms of environment (e.g. I haven’t rocked on the couch or in the car since I was a kid), I would never be able to change the rocking itself into a different stim. I can only choose when and where I do it.

So if you get urge to rock and do something else instead, that just doesn't help? Whatever you do.

I find only subtle changes to be possible. I switched from pulling on my fingers to pulling on a stretchy noodle, and I switched from biting my nails to chewing on my thumb. But changing to an entirely new thing would be more difficult.