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Still struggling to socialize

Markness

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I still struggle to socialize even at my age. After a Meet Up event ended up being a non-starter (Only two people, myself included, showed up and the organizer has yet to respond.), I went over to a place called Foxdog, which I hadn’t visited for some months now. I recognized two people at the place but talking to them was difficult because my stutter is still a problem and I didn’t know what should’ve taken priority in terms of topics. It was stressful and embarrassing.
 
Have you watched and listened to much/any stand up by
Drew Lynch?
 
One question I really find difficult is being asked if I could do whatever I wanted for a career. I honestly don’t have an answer for it.
 
Markness said:
I still struggle to socialize even at my age. After a Meet Up event ended up being a non-starter (Only two people, myself included, showed up and the organizer has yet to respond.), I went over to a place called Foxdog, which I hadn’t visited for some months now. I recognized two people at the place but talking to them was difficult because my stutter is still a problem and I didn’t know what should’ve taken priority in terms of topics. It was stressful and embarrassing.
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Was this a meet-up with neurotypicals? I admire your courage and how proactive you are!

Even if someone offered me a million dollars to do this, I'd have to really think about it.
 
AngelWitch said:
Was this a meet-up with neurotypicals? I admire your courage and how proactive you are!

Even if someone offered me a million dollars to do this, I'd have to really think about it.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I want to second this. @Markness , the fact that you go do these, attempt them at all, is more impressive than you realize.

You could not pay me to do that sort of thing.
 
Sorry @Markness the Meetup event was a bust. I went to the local park event again this past Thursday but this time I approached and I socialized with a bunch of people even women. I had a great time. They were all friendly. All I had to do was go up to them and say hi. Really it's that hard. I now plan on going to future events.

I really feel sorry that all you seem to find are people who are mean too you. Except for my parents sometimes most people I encounter are friendly too me. The ones who are not I ignore.
 
Markness said:
I still struggle to socialize even at my age. After a Meet Up event ended up being a non-starter (Only two people, myself included, showed up and the organizer has yet to respond.), I went over to a place called Foxdog, which I hadn’t visited for some months now. I recognized two people at the place but talking to them was difficult because my stutter is still a problem and I didn’t know what should’ve taken priority in terms of topics. It was stressful and embarrassing.
Click to expand...
I wouldn't beat yourself up over this, I think you were really brave to shift plans like that. I know I would have been a total mess if my plans had fallen apart like that. I also have a stutter and it can be really painful sometimes trying to talk and seeing everyone's reaction.

I think everyone else has given you some great advice, so here is what little I can add. I think Meetup has really gone downhill the past few years, a lot of groups in my area have completely converted over to selling things, drinking events, or just a bunch of single guys circling like sharks. They don't seem to really "do" anything anymore.

Have you tried volunteering instead? I volunteer at a local garden and meet people that way. The good part of it is that you are there to do work, so you can just kind of passively listen, nod your head and such and if something comes up you want to talk about, you're then free to do so. No one will question you being quiet because you are busy.
 
Thanks for telling me to avoid meet up. I looked up groups in June when I was desperate and depressed for social interaction and a girlfriend and all I found were online only groups or like you single groups with only one or two participate probably all males. I did not even bother.

My church got me through the tough times. Doing yoga helped me approach the park event. So I am socializing more.

Try to look for more gathering in your neighborhood.
 
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tree said:
@Markness
Well, maybe you could come up with some dishonest answers?

You know-----imaginary and humorous?
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That’s exactly what I do, all day every day. I try to sidestep the real answers (because I don’t have any) and make an obvious lie into a joke:

Where do you want to go on vacation?
Answer: Chernobyl. That way when I get back, everyone will know how ‘bright’ I am

How much money do you make?
Answer: I don’t even know. My wife keeps our checkbook in her purse…. along with my manhood!

What kind of car do you want?

Answer: A bicycle. That way I’ll get to wear those tight shorts.

I practice when I’m alone. And it actually works really well. I don’t have the same hopes and dreams as everyone else. But saying that makes me look sad and pitiful to them.
 
I did not know you stuttered, one of my brothers' stutters, the non-Aspie one he does not stutter around me, so I suspect it's more when he is nervous.
 
Markness said:
I am once again thinking of leaving this forum.
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You're not obligated to remain.

It's not like you signed a contract.

But is leaving what you want?
Or is achieving what you crave?

You're so wrapped up in telling yourself that you're a failure,
and seeking reassurance, and then repeating the cycle.

What's the deal now?
Other than the crummy meet up that failed (which was not
your responsibility) and your upcoming birthday?
 
I am about to turn 35 and have little to no history of romance to draw experience from. Can I even still have a relationship happen at my life despite those two factors?
 
tree said:
You're not obligated to remain.

It's not like you signed a contract.

But is leaving what you want?
Or is achieving what you crave?

You're so wrapped up in telling yourself that you're a failure,
and seeking reassurance, and then repeating the cycle.

What's the deal now?
Other than the crummy meet up that failed (which was not
your responsibility) and your upcoming birthday?
Click to expand...
I crave for what I’ve wanted since I was a teen. But I have nothing to show for my years of toil.

I feel like others are still telling me they don’t want me to have a girlfriend or they think I need to pretend to be happy.
 
The simple answer is that you can have a relationship at any age. I was 46 when I went on my first date.
 
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