Share good puns and jokes.

[Ezra]

Doctor: You’ve lost a lot of blood.

Me: That can’t be good, right?

Doctor: No. You’re the worst blood bank manager we’ve ever seen.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Kids these days actually do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for ten dollars instead.

 

[QueenOfFrance87]

There was once a detective novelist who goes by the name of Mr. E. Why he goes by that name is a mystery.

 

[Metalhead]

In the unfortunate time when I pass on, I want my remains to be spread all over Disney World. I also do not want to be cremated.

 

[Crossbreed]

"Waiter, what is this FLY doing in my soup...!?"
"I believe that's the backstroke, sir..."

 

[Metalhead]

What has two butts and murders people?

An assassin.

 

[Gerontius]

"Do you mind if I call you a taxicab, ma'am?"
"The hell did you just call me?"

 

[Ezra]

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A maybe(e).

 

[Crossbreed]

A highway patrolman was sitting on the side of the road when a car sped past him down the middle of the road! Giving chase, he pulled over the errant speedster one mile later.

"Do you realize that you were doing 75mph in a 45mph zone?"
"Yes, sir."
"Where are you coming from this evening?"
"From the DMV. I just got my license!"
"Why were you driving so fast?"
"I was just following the instructions on their form."
"How so?"
"It said, 'Tear along the dotted line...' "

 

[QueenOfFrance87]

Why did the T-Rex kill other dinosaurs? Because they were making fun of his short arms.

 

[Crossbreed]

What do we want!?

TIME TRAVEL!​

When do we want it!?

IT DOESN'T MATTER...!​

 

[Crossbreed]

It's Greek to Me...​

Did you know that college rowing teams have a fraternity...?

Spoiler: Really?

Yes, it's called PPP.

(I know @Progster will get this, at least. )

 

[AspieOtaku]

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.

 

[AspieOtaku]

What are the three shortest words in the English language? Is it in?

 

[AspieOtaku]

Why did the nurse bring a red pen to work? So she can draw blood.

 

[Finder]

Heisenberg is driving down a country road. A cop comes up behind him and pulls him over. The cop asks Heisenberg to roll down his window. The cop asks, "do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "no, but I know where I am!"

 

[Nervous Rex]

Heisenberg is driving down a country road. A cop comes up behind him and pulls him over. The cop asks Heisenberg to roll down his window. The cop asks, "do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "no, but I know where I am!"

The follow up I heard is that the cop says, “You were doing 85!” and Heisenberg replies, “Great! Now I’m lost!”

 

[Metalhead]

I went to the bookstore and asked the clerk for a book about Pavlov's Dog and Schrodinger's Cat. The clerk said it rang a bell, but she was not sure if it was there or not.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I broke my leg in three places. The doctor told me to never go to those places again.

 

[AspieOtaku]