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Share good puns and jokes.

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Sometimes, when my kids were growing up, I would offer them vegetables as a snack choice from which they would quickly flee.
I call that the phyto-flight response...!
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Lecturer: Have you ever considered the names for clothes...?
Do we smoke in a smoking jacket?
Do we-​
Audience Member: Before you continue this subject, could you please remove that windbreaker...?
 
A friend of mine from college just received his DMA from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. His major instrument is the pipe organ. He is quite the bad punster.

When he stubs his big toe, he usually exclaims “Oh, Swell!”

when something goes wrong, “That’s just Great!”

When someone is dejected(like myself 99.999 per cent of the time), “Think Positif”

when his grandkids start begging for money, “Go Pedal your papers.”
 
What did Big Ben say to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?
I've got the time if you've got the inclination.

A joke that, incidentally, works in Italian too!
 
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in the front of his pants. The bartender asks “What’s that steering wheel doing in your pants?” The pirate replies, “Arr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”



How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
 
An attorney and his wife decided to adopt a Kishu. Being a Japanese breed of dog, they wanted to give her a name that sounded consistent with her nation of origin. After some time, they finally agreed to a name,...
Sosumi!
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Doctor: It looks like you will need liver surgery.
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Patient: I want a second opinion.
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Doctor: Okay. You're funny-looking, too!
 
I once bred a poodle with a rottweiler.

She wasn't much of a watchdog, but she was a vicious gossip...! :poodle:
 
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Then there’s the refrain to the Advent hymn Gabriel’s message:

Most highly flavored lady. Gloria!

(A little slip of the tongue by a child chorister)
 

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