I honestly need routine to function even a bit! I feel dislodged when things are out of sequence. A clean home is very important to me and an empty washing basket, otherwise, I feel panicky.
I pushed myself to do things that I would never do. I went to a gathering saturday and there were about 25 of us and karaoke. I love music, but I could not stand and sing; I was fine in my corner, singing along and started to panic when I could see that it was just me and another, who had not taken the mike, but thankfully, despite a bit of urging with my favorite singer, they did not push and so I calmed down.
Then, sunday, I went for a group walk and a picnic after. I honestly did not want to go at all, but the spiritual sister who had arranged it all, needed the support and so, I pushed myself. The walk was ok; I was not left on my own, which is always scary to me, but much to my horror, where the picnic was to be held, it was down a slope and the grass was very bumpy and I freaked out! So the next time, I will ask specifics and if there is a steep way to get down and not firm underfoot, I will not join in.
Anyway, I see I have typically digressed hugely, but what I was wanting to get to ( always my way of explaining a lot), is that my usual regime at home, was in a complete mess! The kitchen had things in the dishwasher, on the draining board and on the table top and I had NO TIME to clean and oh wow, a pile of clothes on the chair upstairs and a ton of ironing and a full washing basket!!!!!
Things are getting back to normal now and I can feel myself calming down.