Recent break-up with Aspie, looking for advice?

[Shonda]

Hi all, I would love some advice. I apologize if I say anything incorrect, I'm a little out of my realm here (and still hurting a bit). I had been dating an aspie for about 7 months (I'm NT). Some of our relationship could be rocky because he would pull away or our communication could be difficult and he was often worried about us not being able to connect because he had bad past experiences with his ex gf who was NT but I really appreciated him and wanted to work on us getting through anything he was worried about. Because we had issues, i felt like there was nothing we couldn't get through. He would sit and talk for hours to get over anything I was concerned about and same with me. I really felt like a team with him (there were things I did find hurtful he did say we could get over in time - some of the distance he needed, his bluntness, etc). But he was the best man I ever met (for me) and my best friend.
about 4.5 weeks ago, we got into a rather big fight for us. I think it was a culmination of things, but it was after we had an amazing two weeks together and it also came on the heels of some big works new for him we were both very happy about (the biggest news he had had in awhile). i saw him for the first time kind of just shut down. i argued with him for a little bit, but then i tried to come to a resolution and put a pin it, but instead he just... ignored me. he had never done that before. he just wouldn't speak to me. i panicked, and he said we needed to take space when he was on a work trip. he also had never done that before. he said we needed to not talk for 3 weeks.

during our 26 days of space total, i contacted him a total of 4 times. once was 4 days after we stopped talking, i figured he wasn't serious and that was enough time to cool off. he replied very sweetly to my email which was a work-ish thing, but added: talk to you in a few weeks. the next time i told him i missed him, thought this was silly, and that the silent treatment and space aren't the same thing (9 days). he said to respect his space otherwise we couldn't resume anything at all, or something like that. a week later i found out my grandfather was going into hospice care (15 days), and was feeling very bottomed out. i didnt mention it, but i sent him an email telling him i missed him, wondering why we were doing this, etc. at that following saturday i sent him two texts letting him know my grandfather had passed which made me realize how important people were to me in my life and similar sentiments (21 days) and he didnt respond... at all. they were very kind and well worded. he was supposed to reach out to me at 24 days so i waited. when he didnt, i texted him at 26 days, something simple but nice. when he didnt respond, i tried again the next day but still nothing. so i tried again that night... he finally responded to my text when i rationalized: "are you really never going to speak to me anymore?" and pointed out how many mutual friends we have in common, including his brother.

his text said: I don't want to talk anymore. I've been very busy and don't have space for it. Also didn't like that you didn't respect my request to back off. Sorry. You are a very sweet very smart person, but I don't think we worked well together and I have to move on.

That's it. He sent two more texts to me - single lines - after that when I texted him, but he refused to continue the conversation with him.

I am shocked. Do you think he will ever reach out to me again or ever get in contact? He is ridiculously stubborn. So stubborn. But 4 days before he asked for "space" he told me couldn't imagine not having me in his life....

I am an NT who was in a relationship with an aspie man. Best relationship I ever had. I can say that you are quite lucky that he told you he needed a few weeks to retreat. When my ex retreated, I never knew for how long it would be. Ultimately, that is what ended us. I wanted more than what he could give me at that time. We have been apart for years. I have dated other men since him. But he is still the one I believe is for me. Again, unlike yours, mine never reached out to me. A long time ago, when we were broken up but still speaking, I asked why he does not reach out to me. He told me he did not want to "throw a wrench" into my happiness. To this day, I regret not handling it better when he retreated. But to be fair, I think that for a successful relationship, there needs to be communication even with space. What your ex did when he gave you a time frame was a great act of respect from an NT ex gf standpoint.

 

[Joeri Caron]

Hi all, I would love some advice. I apologize if I say anything incorrect, I'm a little out of my realm here (and still hurting a bit). I had been dating an aspie for about 7 months (I'm NT). Some of our relationship could be rocky because he would pull away or our communication could be difficult and he was often worried about us not being able to connect because he had bad past experiences with his ex gf who was NT but I really appreciated him and wanted to work on us getting through anything he was worried about. Because we had issues, i felt like there was nothing we couldn't get through. He would sit and talk for hours to get over anything I was concerned about and same with me. I really felt like a team with him (there were things I did find hurtful he did say we could get over in time - some of the distance he needed, his bluntness, etc). But he was the best man I ever met (for me) and my best friend.
about 4.5 weeks ago, we got into a rather big fight for us. I think it was a culmination of things, but it was after we had an amazing two weeks together and it also came on the heels of some big works new for him we were both very happy about (the biggest news he had had in awhile). i saw him for the first time kind of just shut down. i argued with him for a little bit, but then i tried to come to a resolution and put a pin it, but instead he just... ignored me. he had never done that before. he just wouldn't speak to me. i panicked, and he said we needed to take space when he was on a work trip. he also had never done that before. he said we needed to not talk for 3 weeks.

during our 26 days of space total, i contacted him a total of 4 times. once was 4 days after we stopped talking, i figured he wasn't serious and that was enough time to cool off. he replied very sweetly to my email which was a work-ish thing, but added: talk to you in a few weeks. the next time i told him i missed him, thought this was silly, and that the silent treatment and space aren't the same thing (9 days). he said to respect his space otherwise we couldn't resume anything at all, or something like that. a week later i found out my grandfather was going into hospice care (15 days), and was feeling very bottomed out. i didnt mention it, but i sent him an email telling him i missed him, wondering why we were doing this, etc. at that following saturday i sent him two texts letting him know my grandfather had passed which made me realize how important people were to me in my life and similar sentiments (21 days) and he didnt respond... at all. they were very kind and well worded. he was supposed to reach out to me at 24 days so i waited. when he didnt, i texted him at 26 days, something simple but nice. when he didnt respond, i tried again the next day but still nothing. so i tried again that night... he finally responded to my text when i rationalized: "are you really never going to speak to me anymore?" and pointed out how many mutual friends we have in common, including his brother.

his text said: I don't want to talk anymore. I've been very busy and don't have space for it. Also didn't like that you didn't respect my request to back off. Sorry. You are a very sweet very smart person, but I don't think we worked well together and I have to move on.

That's it. He sent two more texts to me - single lines - after that when I texted him, but he refused to continue the conversation with him.

I am shocked. Do you think he will ever reach out to me again or ever get in contact? He is ridiculously stubborn. So stubborn. But 4 days before he asked for "space" he told me couldn't imagine not having me in his life....

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[Joeri Caron]

Z The thing is, if I make him feel so out of control and terrible, then I shouldn't be with him anyway. I don't want to make someone feel that way especially someone I care about. It doesn't make them feel good and it doesn't make me feel good. I liked being his support system and his cheerleader. I want him to succeed.

I get what you are saying. There were other fights prior to this one. He's probably thinking it's too much to deal with with a big project. But to basically cut me off so harshly and cruelly like that, he was basically like I decided it's worth not having Ing you in my life at all?

He hurt me too. A lot. And I probably shouldn't have reached out but when I did it was never not in kindness and appreciation and never with any aggression.

Oh and I don't care what my friends say. He refused to ever meet them anyway (which always made me sad), but women are just women and will defend their best friend while she has a broken heart. But honestly when he was there, I could care less.

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[Joeri Caron]

Hi all, I would love some advice. I apologize if I say anything incorrect, I'm a little out of my realm here (and still hurting a bit). I had been dating an aspie for about 7 months (I'm NT). Some of our relationship could be rocky because he would pull away or our communication could be difficult and he was often worried about us not being able to connect because he had bad past experiences with his ex gf who was NT but I really appreciated him and wanted to work on us getting through anything he was worried about. Because we had issues, i felt like there was nothing we couldn't get through. He would sit and talk for hours to get over anything I was concerned about and same with me. I really felt like a team with him (there were things I did find hurtful he did say we could get over in time - some of the distance he needed, his bluntness, etc). But he was the best man I ever met (for me) and my best friend.
about 4.5 weeks ago, we got into a rather big fight for us. I think it was a culmination of things, but it was after we had an amazing two weeks together and it also came on the heels of some big works new for him we were both very happy about (the biggest news he had had in awhile). i saw him for the first time kind of just shut down. i argued with him for a little bit, but then i tried to come to a resolution and put a pin it, but instead he just... ignored me. he had never done that before. he just wouldn't speak to me. i panicked, and he said we needed to take space when he was on a work trip. he also had never done that before. he said we needed to not talk for 3 weeks.

during our 26 days of space total, i contacted him a total of 4 times. once was 4 days after we stopped talking, i figured he wasn't serious and that was enough time to cool off. he replied very sweetly to my email which was a work-ish thing, but added: talk to you in a few weeks. the next time i told him i missed him, thought this was silly, and that the silent treatment and space aren't the same thing (9 days). he said to respect his space otherwise we couldn't resume anything at all, or something like that. a week later i found out my grandfather was going into hospice care (15 days), and was feeling very bottomed out. i didnt mention it, but i sent him an email telling him i missed him, wondering why we were doing this, etc. at that following saturday i sent him two texts letting him know my grandfather had passed which made me realize how important people were to me in my life and similar sentiments (21 days) and he didnt respond... at all. they were very kind and well worded. he was supposed to reach out to me at 24 days so i waited. when he didnt, i texted him at 26 days, something simple but nice. when he didnt respond, i tried again the next day but still nothing. so i tried again that night... he finally responded to my text when i rationalized: "are you really never going to speak to me anymore?" and pointed out how many mutual friends we have in common, including his brother.

his text said: I don't want to talk anymore. I've been very busy and don't have space for it. Also didn't like that you didn't respect my request to back off. Sorry. You are a very sweet very smart person, but I don't think we worked well together and I have to move on.

That's it. He sent two more texts to me - single lines - after that when I texted him, but he refused to continue the conversation with him.

I am shocked. Do you think he will ever reach out to me again or ever get in contact? He is ridiculously stubborn. So stubborn. But 4 days before he asked for "space" he told me couldn't imagine not having me in his life....

 

[Joeri Caron]

Hey if u want to talk.... I've been thru the same. [email protected]